I’ll always keep coming back. I’ve learned that much at least. Never stop trying.
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Checking in 1 m
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I’m on day 260. This is my first time checking in. I’m new to this. I hope I’m doing this right lol. I’ve been trying to figure out how to check in for a good half hour now.
I am in a weird place in my recovery. I don’t feel very confident in it. I feel if I had the opportunity I would absolutely go and use again. With no hesitation. That the only reason I’m sober is that the opportunity hasn’t come up yet. I feel forced but I also feel like it’s the best thing for me. I feel like it’s a good thing that I don’t have that opportunity and that even if I am forced, good. Because I don’t know if I would ever stop. I’m hoping if I keep doing the sober thing, that eventually my brain will follow and want to be sober.
But I don’t know if this is just how I’m feeling right now just because I haven’t been doing so well lately. So much has been going on. My dad has passed away. I have been detoxing off suboxone. My mother has been drinking non stop because of my father’s death. I feel like I have nobody lately. I feel like I have lost my mother too. I feel like the only people I have is the fellowship at AA & I am forever thankful for them.
Sorry for such a long first post. I had a lot to unload that I’ve never told anybody or talked to anyone about. I promise my next one won’t be so long. Hopefully lol. But I’ll end this now.
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@Lyssa Welcome! There isn’t a right way to check in (I don’t think, lol) people just put what is in their minds. It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate. You can always unload whatever you like here. It is great you are getting support from AA. We are happy to be a support here too.
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5 months is awesome. I think as long as you’re spending more and more days in recovery rather than being an addict then you’re growing and moving in the right direction, and that’s what’s important. Just see it as a blip in your recovery and keep moving on up 
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long posts are good, they help you get stuff off your chest. 260 days is incredible. You say you don’t have the opportunity, but the opportunity could always be created so well done on not making an opportunity so far.
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Day 57 - just ended.
I’m up too late, but home safe and sound from another day on the highway, home safe and sober from first AF vacation. Took more backroads and detours, a lakefront walk with the dog girl. A couple of habitual thoughts along the way about arriving home and cracking into something cold, but after unpacking these thoughts a bit, they are just that - habits. Probably cued by the liquor stores on the corner of main street in each small town i drove through, but realized I need to make these sights irrelevant - like when I see ads for men’s shaving cream or a store that sells farm equipment - neither good nor bad, just irrelevant to me.
@Mno who needs bike rides to the beach (stunning pic, by the way) when there are ceilings to paint? 
Kidding aside, I hope the project is going well.
@Lisa07 what everyone else already said, I echo. Hugs to you.
Lots of milestones here…
30 days for @Jdiaz!
@Rockstar24777 is it day 75 where you are yet? Congrats!
@marcusmaximus2000 33 weeks of amazing. 
@anon27700620 first sober fortnight. also amazing!
G’night to all 
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I will speak to the team today… It was my first day on them, I’m so used to have everything speed past me felt abnormal to be so groggy… But I did sleep so I’m happy about that!
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- Coffee. In the middle of my kitchen project. The first blisters on my fingers are there. The first results too. It’s work but it will definitely be worth it. Just like recovery. One day and one job at a time. Time for white paint today. Have a good day all. Sober and clean. Love from my kitchen. Colour is a bit lighter as the pic shows.
@Claartje One full month Claartje! Gefliciteerd! Excellent work lady.
@Clarity Good for you! Congrats!
There you are Jonathan. You yourself know the best what you need. You got this. Have a good sober day.
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day 258!! taking on some new responsibilities at work this week, so mostly hoping everything goes well.
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You are right good sir! Thank you!
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Day 13 and got asked last night if I could work I was meant to be off until Friday but I hate letting people down and also I need to be grateful I have a job … the darkness of my relapse is lifting and I’m finding happiness again I know I have a long way to go but as they say sometimes quickly sometimes slowly… I need to be grateful for having my little home as it’s getting into the colder mornings I remember being homeless and I would have given anything to have a little space that was mine … I have to keep reminding myself how far ive come in my journey i might not have always got things right and relapsed but there’s no going back to to that life ever again I’m totally done and surrender… I never want to feel that type of pain ever again. Happy Wednesday to you all x
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Hugs, Bec. I hope today is better.
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40.07 Days
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There’s nothing wrong with that, I have them. I always have a minute where you wonder wth? It always changes, life will go on and there’ll be happy days again. 
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Sending hugs your way 
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Wow Bec that is a LOT to deal with, I’m not even going to go into how ridiculous the work issue is 
The thoughts about escaping for a few days is completely normal but you said yourself drinking will not resolve anything.
You are doing an amazing job 
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You got me thinking there miss P. These are the exact moments addiction sees its chance to reel you back in, making you think there’s relieve there, even though your ratio know it’s all lies. You won’t catch your breath and you won’t breathe if you’d drink. There are other ways to do take a break. Healthier ways. You just have to find what works for you.
For me one big one is cycling. Thinking now it’s one of the reasons I take such long rides. To be away from it all, to really have time for myself, not answering my phone, no one to answer to but myself. You very probably may not have the time or appetite to do exactly that, but there must be things you like to do for yourself and no one else. And escape the everyday reality without indulging in self-destructive stuff. I’m glad you’re sharing here. Hope it helps a bit. Hugs.
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