Thanks @Mno 
I don’t really know how these California plants work…my dad insists ignoring them is the way to go but I’m not convinced yet. They’re so cute; I hope I don’t kill them.
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I’m sorry. It doesn’t feel good to be accused of something we didn’t do. We’re addicts though and we’ve broken trust with our loved ones. We will get that trust back slowly over time by staying sober. You know the truth, keep fighting the good fight
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Day 240.
Rebooting my life.
Pretty hard to focus my mind on anything else but her, the house and the whole situation.
I’d wish everything was over already.
I hope I can move on in a while
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D 818
So you might’ve read my check-in a few days ago about my experience praying for the first time in 20+ years. I wasn’t expecting anything swift or significant.
Well – let. me. tell. you.
I woke up less than 2 days later (wednesday) and I felt the best I have felt in probably well over a year, maybe longer. I had optimism and hope for the future, foreign feelings. It was the strangest thing. I don’t even know why I’m using past tense, I HAVE those things. Things have tapered a bit, but for the first time I feel movement out of the mire.
I’ve shed a lot of tears, felt a lot of anguish, because of how damn awful I’ve been feeling. On Wednesday, I cried because of how good I felt, I felt FREEDOM. Freedom from all the bad shit I’ve carried for so many years and more recently. I felt this sudden ability to just let the bad things go. Frustration, anger, sadness - rolling away. I still have sad moments here and there, but they do not crush me. I feel them and let them go.
So I prayed some more and I will continue to. Primarily I just express my gratitude for this happening I’ve experienced, and pray that its not a fleeting period of hope. Cautiously optimistic and tempered with the realistic awareness that not all days will be so intensely wonderful, but to not be discouraged by a bad one. I have also begun including other people in my prayers as @anon60334405 suggested. I prayed a lot for my ex and her family, for their well-being. They were my family, my life, and I guess that’s my way of sending love to them from far away.
I also meant to say – the back problems that have plagued me for 2.5 years? I think I’m finally getting better! I started with a new PT, and turns out one of my legs is shorter than the other. Nobody ever caught it. Put a heel lift in one shoe…it’s been like magic so far. Now that my hips/back aren’t constantly irritated from the imbalance, the exercises to realign everything are actually working. Not 100%, but actual progress, and its only been a week. This has been a MASSIVE relief, not just physically but mentally. It had been a constant source of worry and discomfort, gnawing at me. Over time it became really hard on the mind.
Idk what the heck is going on with me, but it is some wild, wild stuff. I have hope for the first time in years! I feel like I have life to live!
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Hell yeah man. This is awesome to hear,great news. I can attest that it does help. And one tip, is I got comfortable with my happiness and thought alright I don’t need to pray anymore. Well as soon as I stopped, everything went back to shit. So idk I don’t plan on stopping again that’s for sure… I have a hard time believing in things, but I know I was happy joyous and free when I made sure to pray
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Checking in at the beginning of day 1. I made it through Monday and Tuesday and then Wednesday rolled around and I went all out popping pills and also drinking which is not usually something I do 🤦🤷 Yesterday was no different. But I hate the way I feel when I’m all messed up. I feel terrible physically today and I didn’t finished going through my withdrawal symptoms fully so they’re back in full swing. I really do want sobriety so bad but something comes over me and I say fuck it I can handle it in moderation. NO I CAN NOT. Excessive and impulsive are my middle name. I want to be free from the mental and physical strain it all puts on me. My emotions become unmanageable and then I have major stress and anxiety over money I should not have spent. I’m a strong person, that’s my thing. People have no idea what I do, I’ve always been pretty good at keeping up appearances. I am basically a fraud everyday of my life. I appear to have it together but in reality I’m falling apart. 
I never really write so many feelings on here, it has made me feel better. You are an awesome group of people who give me hope. Thank you all for sharing the good the bad and the ugly parts of your lives, it helps me feel less alone in my mess of a life.
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Day 7! My first week. I’ve been trying to hold myself accountable and check in also. This app and all of you help me tremendously!
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Day 214. Vacation was good, made sure I got up and lifted everyday nice and early. I haven’t had McDonald’s in over 7 months so yesterday I treated myself. Skipped my morning workout today tho, going to come up after work. Last night’s meeting went good, making sure I stick to my prayers this time. Happy Friday everyone stay blessed and grateful, much love
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Get him a breathalyzer machine and have him test you; then tell him if he accuses you again without merit it’s not going to be a good exchange. That’s one of my pet peeves.
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Day 11. Feels surreal, I haven’t gone without alcohol this long in such a long time. Feeling hopeful. All of my family knows I have a drinking problem now, I finally admitted it to my Dad, who is the one I was afraid to tell for some reason. He is completely supportive of my husband and I stopping.
Feeling tired this week which is slightly dissapointing, but I have stress on my mind I’m dealing with. My mom has broken her elbow (we tend to have a toxic relationship, but we do love each other and care, it’s complicated). I’ve wanted to be there to help her, but her depression has her shutting everyone out, so it’s been hard to say the least to connect with her. My stepdad wants me to clean for them for pay soon (I am a cleaner) but it’s not a situation that will work for me (I don’t drive, they live a 20 minute drive away) so I’m struggling inside dealing with the guilt of saying no and the anger I’m sure I will have to deal with.
Surprisingly it’s not making me want to drink though, I feel like I realized that’s not helping my situation at all. So, on to another sober weekend. Have a great day everyone!
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This is fantastic news, great to see you kept pushing and are feeling the benefits. 
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Day 84 clean and sober. Hope everyone has a wonderful day today!!! 
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This is amazing to read @TMAC! I’m so happy for you!!! Praying for others can be magical. I also find that offering prayers of gratitude helps with my attitude. Intentionally focusing on what I’m thankful for can really turn my frown upside down.
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Thanks for sharing! I’m so happy for you, really deeply touched 
Prayer works! 
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