Day 53 check in! Life is good. I made my mom a picture frame with shells we found during our beach trip last month. I bought a box of cards for all occasions and included and thank you card. She really did spoil us. Next project is scrapbooking, organizing my closet, and decorating my daughters bedroom. Creativity in full force! Hope you all have a great day!
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Day 215~ it’s been a frigan roller coaster of a day I was an emotional wreck earlier crying at the drop of a hat. It was a bit much but you know what? Actually not really it felt good to just let the tears fall.
I love a good cry. I’ve been holding in a lot. Journaling is helping. I need to allow that energy to leave and replace it with positivity and peace. Remaining sober that’s my peace.
Tonight’s fortune 
was my husbands and it’s too good not to share: Definitely a good thing to ask yourself at the end of the day. 
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That’s a beautiful gift love it! 
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Thank you!! This is something me before my addiction would have done!!.. I guess I am feeling like “myself” again… 
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It’s an amazing feeling isn’t it? Such a thoughtful gift. I’m sure she loves it. I know I would.
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Such sweet thoughtfulness. And it perfectly captures a moment on the beach
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Checking in on day 36, friends. Man today was busy. Happy to be done, and another sober day on the books. Hope all of you are staying healthy and safe and surviving these weird days.
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Oh Olivia, your post is so real and honest, and I think you’re actually being very open to change and a new way forward through this: you acknowledge your feelings about your friend’s engagement without denying yourself these, you disarm these feelings by not giving over completely to them and making them somehow “the truth”, and you’re on the lookout for where they could get messy (jealousy, self pity). I’m not sure, but I think that’s the best we can do with these kind of situations. I think your take on it all is a really healthy path out of the lonely ocean of sorrow at the bottom, under the layers of false conception, as you say. Your honesty with yourself (and us) is beautiful, and if anything, I would simply say try not to be hard on yourself (easier said than done, I know) with having these feelings in the first place.
Thank you for your encouragement yesterday - I needed it. 
And no, I have not succeeded at the artistic or creative pursuits that come with “rules” (i.e. ballet steps and piano scales), but yes, I do tend to talk with my hands! I was on a work meeting (not zoom, but another platform) and there was a lot of static. One of the meeting attendees (a rather humourless fellow - zero sense o’ haha) suggested that it was caused by the movement and gestures of my hands when I speak… 
Hugs to you - I believe you’ll navigate this in a healthy way forward. Another trophy on the “emotional growth mantle”, so to speak! 
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Looks great April. Job well done. It really is amazing what we can accomplish when we are sober. Clear headed and calm.
I’m not a handy man at all. But being sober has given me a bit of confidence to tackle a few minor repairs around the house I been putting off for years. And I found them to be easy. I just never had the confidence to try and fix them. I figured I’d just make them worse.
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362 Days. I’m really doubting myself lately, especially at work. I changed careers about a month into sobriety thinking I could do anything now that I’m sober. It’s been going well but I’m basically teaching myself. I get projects and don’t have a clue where to start so I’m constantly researching. Then I’m stressed over whether I’m doing it right. I told my boss today that I don’t think I’m cut out for this type of work. First she laughed and said neither am I. Then she told me I’m doing a fantastic job and appreciates all my hard work. Was she just blowing smoke up my ass to keep me from throwing in the towel? I can’t change jobs now, not with covid going on and frankly, I’m getting to old to be starting over again. All these thoughts racing thru my head about where my life is headed. The anxiety is not leading to thoughts of picking up so I’m pretty proud of myself.
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 17
Yesterday I read some posts here, that made me realize that this actually is the internet, and not the safe space my brain has made it. Nothing special for most people I guess, and it was nothing rude or anything like that. But it still hit me hard and the call from reality was to say least unpleasant.
And I woke up with only one thing on my mind. Alcohol,it made me a bit worried about the weekend when my friend is coming. I’m going to find a way to handle it though, I’m not going back just when I started to add double digit days again.
I know you don’t need to read and respond to everyone and I don’t. But sometimes you don’t know what you’ll face reading.
Had troubles to sleep again last night, the night anxiety was back and eventually the nightmares when I finally felt asleep. Taking the kids to school in a bit and later today I’ve got class to, still via zoom luckily. Before my class I’m planning to do some baking and cooking taking care of all the veggie Pa came with yesterday.
Going to talk to my psychologist again to, because I’ve stilk got a lot of things to work with. Especially if an app on the internet can affect me the way it did.
Now to the next episode of Gypsy Galore:
As y’all know, Pa was here with a lot of veggies yesterday. He is not better, and his leg seems a lot worse. The docs says he’ll probably be Okey in a few months. I’m worried.
Nothing new about my brothers house, nothing new from my sisters.
My husband was called to a krisis (our/romaniname for a family meeting and congress when something important is about to be discussed) a family members teen has beeen raped, by a guy in her own age. Not family but his family was counted as friends before the incident. They want us to take her in and talk to her because she refuses to talk to her own family,and has starterd to spin out of control latley, reminding a lot about the younger me. She’ll get all the help she needs from psychologist and everything as well. And I’m not sure us taking her here is a good idea.
Another family members wife was sexually harassed at work last year and she’s been getting more and more depressed from it. This weekend she had a major breakdown and tried to take her own life. Her husband tried to get her emergency help at the psychological clinic this weekend but she demanded to go back home. He is doing another try today because it’s getting worse. And he wants our help as well.
To be continued…
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The musings of an anxious mind 
thanks for sharing.
I don’t think your boss isn’t (had to edit that, autocorrected to is lol) blowing smoke up your ass. If you weren’t doing a good job or the work wasn’t being done properly you’d know about it way before now!
I see people (my boss and then their boss, the ceo) having meetings and I wonder are they talking about me. That’s my anxiety and ego all working against me but learning to let that go.
Awake since 6am and more or less decided I wasn’t even going to try and go back to sleep
Waking these days I don’t seem to have that heavy cloud of anxiety over me. There’s still some there and I still overthink things but not as much.
Only thing is being up so early, I’ll probably head to work early
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91 days completely sober!
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Can be really hard to find a safe place these days both on the internet and in real life 
Thing is not to overthink it and hopefully having a chat with your psychologist (why are these people’s professions so hard to spell and I usually have no issue with spelling!)
Least you’ll be keeping busy and check in more often on this thread if you need to
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Oh Sophia. I’m so sorry your struggling and some of the extended family issues sound dreadful. I hope getting it out here helps. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. And to me, it sounded like you already had a plateful. Please find time for Sophia. You’ve been working so hard. And 17 days is so freaking great of you. Find time for you please. If you don’t take care of you you can’t take care of anything else. You’ll be in my prayers tonight. Prayers for the peace and calmness your going to continue to get with your sobriety.
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Thank you.
Yes, the spelling issue is real, I’ve got no problem with spelling or language either usually but some words get me everytime and I need to check the dictionary. I can assure that English/American spelling usually makes more sense than the Swedish.
I’m sure my psychologist will help, he usually does. I’m lucky to have instant access 24/7
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Thank you dear. I’m sure there’ll be some time for me too. Family issues aren’t unusual here, the thing that might make a difference is that you’re more than often required to help. And because we often do, we get handed a lot. But there’s nothing that we haven’t sorted out yet, so I think this will be alright as well.
If I had a God I’d pray for you too. Sweet dreams, may your pillow be nice and fluffy and your blankets warm.
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Good evening, checking in on day 1085 of continuous sobriety. A long drawn-out day of yearly recertification from the California Consortium of Addiction Programs and Professionals. Past the certification with flying colors. Another beautiful day in sobriety.
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You never know. God may find you some day. He waited to find me again when I was forty. Some day you may find yourself in a position where there is no other hope. I hope it doesn’t ever come to that. But If it did. It was very powerful for me. I’ll put in a good word for ya.
Your still a youngun. 
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