Day 78 has ended and Day 79 has begun…
…and I’m burning the midnight oil at my desk (@Jennajen - I’m still working on my work-life balance! I will take time off on Friday afternoon for me! ). Some curve balls and deadlines, though interesting ones for the most part - and not part of yesterday’s stress.
@Mno - thank you for the encouraging words yesterday about said stress. If I have truly committed to sobriety, it means it doesn’t matter what falls on my plate - I deal with it, soberly. Life is still going to be full of “firsts”, and I get to practice sobriety with each of them, to meet these triggers, as you say, to learn about them. Thank you, wise friend!
I know we are all doing One Day at a Time, but sometimes I think it would be helpful to have “trigger binoculars” - just to get an idea of some of the bumps in the road ahead, to try to swerve around 'em. I know I can’t foresee everything though, and there will always be days like yesterday in the future - with their unpredictable stressors. As long as I come out of them sober, I’ll even take a flat tire.
G’night (soon! yawn) dear TS peeps. Big love to all
I so get this. I’m learning if we numb, we just delay the tears until we’re sober. I’ve also learned that numbing the pain also numbs life’s joys. Let’s say yes instead to the pain of loss and the joy of life. I think we can do it
Day 34 I have some free time this afternoon so I’m meeting with my sponsor to start my steps . We have met a few times now and she’s armed with the facts of the big book . I been also doing a few coda meetings and really leaning so much about how toxic my relationship was it’s helping me so much to let go and move on … I never realised how many fellowships there are out there ! So much help for every part of people lifes . My main focus is staying clean every day I feel a little better and I never want to go back to that dark place ever again. I can feel myself getting happier as well not sure if that’s cos the drugs are leaving my body or that I don’t have my ex hanging around!!! Happy Wednesday to you all x
You never know where things will lead. But I strongly doubt the God thing in my case. I’ve had enough of that. However I won’t say that I don’t believe in anything, my house is filled with religious items from all over the world. And I’ve read most things I can get over that talks about religion in any aspect. I even got a few theological university classes. And a lot of ideas (and bad conscience because I don’t follow it) on how things are supposed to be to get to heaven still. Sometimes I truly miss church. But I’m never going back there, and I’ll probably never give in and put my life in the hands of any god. I might not be a pure Atheist like a lot of people in my country, but I rather run my life on my own terms and keep most of the faith in myself. Sometimes I do however calls out to Sara la Kali for protection.
Luckily we’re all different and we all have our things to keep the faith up and move forward. I’m glad you’ve got yours and that you find your way back “home” eventually. And I’m honored to be in your prayers.
Feeling excited. I might get a new job working with my cousin. Better pay more hours and I won’t be breaking my back anymore like I do at the job I have now. Keeping my fingers crossed. Besides that, still praying everyday that I have God in my life more and more at least trying to be more conscious of Him in my life. I’m sure I’m not the only one here who should’ve been dead from drugs and alcohol. There has to be a reason we’re all still alive. I have to be thankful for my life today even for the bad times. Everyone have a blessed sober night.
Coffee. One more late shift coming up before a 4 day weekend. Sounds good to me. Might go for a little cycling trip. Sober and clean. Have a good day all. Love from Amsterdam.
Hi Sophia,
I’m sorry you have had to go through all that stuff. It sounds like you have got triggers potentially everywhere at the moment. You don’t need me to tell you to put yourself and your sobriety first. It sounds as though your family have expectations of you based on your past generosity. You have got a new 17 days of sobriety under your belt and that is something great to build on. That does, I’m sure you are aware, entail setting and sticking to boundaries with your family and looking after yourself.
It’s funny but not surprising how big an impact our past experience of religion and spirituality impacts us now. I still find myself needing to “deprogramme” myself from deeply unhealthy thought patterns I picked up while finding myself in a cult many years ago. Best wishes for your journey forward and upwards.
Up at 6 am. Welp, might as well go for it. Feeling great as I work at day 19, though I did have wicked nightmares from this app about being a persecuted Gypsy @MrsOdh. !! Coffee, spin bike, feed the cat and then my job which also involves overseeing the upcoming November General Election, hence the other reason for the nightmares. Be well, folks. See you tonight!
Day 226. Killer back and shoulders work out this morning… So my mom and step dad leave tomorrow for a lil vacation, my mind has already played how perfect it will be to get fucked up. I think I sat in my room for probably 2 hours replaying over and over why I can’t do that, why I wanted sobriety and that I won’t be able to control it the outcome will eventually turn into the same thing. Yet my mind kept playing all the reasons why I can do it too. To be honest I’m scared.
I don’t think she’s blowing smoke up youre ass as your work is reflection on her. I would definitely give her specifics as to where you are feeling weak and seek guidance. However, sounds like you’re self motivated and a hard worker which is every bosses dream I get the same feeling too, and it’s stressful. I definitely get it, but from my end and what I’ve been reading you’re doing really well and even advocating for yourself when you had to set time boundaries.
Scared is better than not scared. I have this fear every day. Once we get some sobriety under our belt, the drunken memories start to fade and our evil addicted minds try to convince us that we have it under control now. My dumb ass has been testing that for over 30 sorry years. I finally realize, it’s never going to happen like that. I’m too far gone. I can’t even remember the last time I actually enjoyed drinking. I’ve been in love with a perceived effect that will forever be elusive. Keep playing the tape through and come here lots. We’ll get through it together
That’s the hardest part, at least I think it is. Not feeling bad for the person you are now not following the “rules” but we can do it.
Family issues and expectations is a big deal here. It can be really annoying sometimes but I do know that they would do the same for me if I needed it, so it’s like a double edged sword. We’ll get all the help we need if we stay within the rules but the same amount and demands on always being there for anyone who belongs to family and needs it is also required back. There’s no way round it, and most of the time I can imagine myself in the position of anyone needing help so I usually don’t turn them down either.
But for now I do put myself first, the triggers seems to be everywhere but it’ll pass. Before I did my first sober 90 days I couldn’t even get pass 30 so things have changed and I’m not giving in that easily, well at least I hope I wont.
Oh gosh, that doesn’t sound like a nice dream. It’s only happened to me occasionally though, especially when I was younger,it’s a long story.
Nowdays when or if someone is a Jerk I just threat them with a gypsy spell mumbling Romani words that usually doesn’t mean a thing and they’ll back off. Or I pull the racist card also mumbling in Romani or getting loud it depends in the situation, especially when I’m somewhere with Pa (he is a lot darker than me) and they don’t want to help him. But mostly I don’t need it. The closest I get is people asking me what country I’m from or the immigrants from other countries asking me why I don’t wear a headscarf.
111.27 days. Working hard on getting die hard motivated business Beth back. I swear, Covid made me fall in love with sweatpants and a light work schedule. Gotta pull my self back up into beast mode!!! Switched business attorneys and super excited about it. Also hired my web guy to do SEO, so we’ll see how that goes. Still have not spoken to the one broker I don’t think is a fit for the firm yet. I’m meeting with my lawyers today to discuss. He’s a long story. He’s a combination of sensitive, volatile, and non receptive to coaching. He doesn’t listen. He’s older and set in his ways too. He just stresses me the fuck out
). Some curve balls and deadlines, though interesting ones for the most part - and not part of yesterday’s stress.
I get the same feeling too, and it’s stressful. I definitely get it, but from my end and what I’ve been reading you’re doing really well and even advocating for yourself when you had to set time boundaries.
