Well I’m 51 days sober and nicotine free and I’m on a break at the moment a lovely cabin with hot tub it’s a layer 40th present from my lovely wife. The man that runs the place left cake and champagne for us when we arrive and last night Mel had bubbly in the hot tub I had to open it she cant and I poured it I smelled it and I wanted some I spoke to her about it she said I could have a glass if I wanted and if that’s all I could have. I thanked her cos her opinion matters but the more I thought about it clear headed not with a battle against mel aswell it made it easier for me to make the decision not to. And I didnt and I feel great that I didnt, a clear mind and honest heart won peace out.
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Great words Tommo!
That’s such a great feeling isn’t it.
From my point of view, when I see someone write what you have just written, it’s good to see.
Ps. I still celebrate each day mate. 
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Day 254. Had a good morning back and shoulder workout, no PR today bc this is light week, more reps. My lats are still sore, but pushing through.
I came home yesterday, and my mom is so toxic man, I see why I’m so stressed and toxic myself all of her negative energy just rubs right off on me. I can’t change her tho, I can only work around her, I try to kindly tell her when she is doing something that just isn’t ok and she will lash out at me. I get she is stressed, but in return it stresses me out. I need to figure out how to keep my emotions in check bc of it too. Like I know none of us are perfect, but when I’ve completely turned my life around, and I’m actually trying around the house and she just doesn’t try to change at all it makes things hard. She still treats me like I’m 15 lol. But I’m very grateful for her, I’m not saying she is a bad person.
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It doesn’t mean you don’t love her, if you see her good and bad qualities objectively. Moreover you can only love her, if you know her as she is. It’s easy to love an imaginary ideal, the real love starts when you see both the bright and dark side of someone and still love them. Also loving her doesn’t mean you accept her behavior or toxic words. Don’t blame yourself for drawing the boundaries. You have every right to do so. It doesn’t make you a bad kid. It makes you an independent adult, who loves his mom, but doesn’t let her take advantages of himself.
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I like what you said man. That really makes sense and helps me reflect that I’m in the right direction. Thank you
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Checking in.
Day 30.
Happy boy. Everybody around me is happy for me too, it helps. I feel stronger than any attempts at sobriety before, even my way longer ones. Difference? I am not just sober. I am recovering, and I am working on myself. Get help is the best advice I had and I can give. it’s still actual after you’ve stopped, it’s still necessary when you crave sometime. Ask and reach out. Here or somewhere else. Always better than being a drunk hole.
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Brilliant!
@Tommo @residentevil Well done!
Day 64
After a day of feeling truly awful, on the verge of tears all day without the energy to actually cry, feeling like everything was a personal attack on my very soul, finally feel a bit better. Took my kids to their skate class for the first time this season, so great to see them enjoying moving their body, and for them to be constantly calling “mummy, look”, they still need me so much. Had a pleasant chat with another mum.
I didn’t enjoy this little mood dip, but the last couple of months have been a little pink-cloudy. I need to get used to dealing with dips sober.
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I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
Day 45
A strange day, sister was supposed to come and visit but her stupid man didn’t want to go. So now both of them are at home being cranky and somehow that’s apparently my fault 
Teen is broke because she spent all her money on new clothes and she ain’t getting any new money until it’s payday next week. And guess who’s fault that is? Yep my fault.
Our project group in the group project have lost a member because he chooses to drop out of the university, so now we have to deal with a new member more than halfway through, not my fault for one.
I started to talk about my childhood in church with a friend yesterday, not the ugly stuff though more in general. I was going to show him the difference between Pentecostal, Mormons and Amish because in his world it was all the same thing. Said and done and me taking the mission to look up clips on YouTube from Pentecostal service, worship and prayer. And trying to explain the rules and all. Before I knew it I found myself watching Coilerville TN Pentecostal church services broadcasting on YouTube. It’s pretty close to where I’ve got my American friends and family, and one of the biggest Pentecostal churches in the world is located in Memphis TN. I even examined my own closet I stated to build up just the way I wanted it, and could state that I didn’t have many modest outfits that the church would approve. As late as early this morning I thought about adding faux leather leggings to my closet, something that probably would make the preacher faint
I swore years ago that I would never go back, and never put myself under those strict rules again. I’m also sure they wouldn’t even let me back. And I sure don’t share their beliefs anymore. But to be honest, I really miss it today. I miss the often too long services, the feeling of belonging to something bigger, the feeling of being apart of one big family (even if that could be annoying) and I do miss the blind naive faith of God’s goodness. This isn’t like me, at all.
Maybe it’s the lack of sleep, or the transition to darker times in fall/winter. Or maybe it’s my way of finally getting even with my past. It’s interesting to see where it leads, a little scary and very strange.
Happy Wednesday everyone. 
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Popping in for day 47. Tried to start knitting again after a years pause. Thought it would be fun and relaxing, I only got to the beginning of a woollen sock and was cursing like a sailor, because deciphering this 
was too much.
So I decided to bake a mud cake (or maybe it’s more known by its Swedish name kladdkaka) and put my feet up.
I’ll continue with the knitting later.
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Big up to you and your 30 days!!!
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Congrats on 30 bud
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Day 17. That’s crazy to write that and it makes me feel great. I don’t know the last time I went without pills this long. I’m not feeling that great today but I’m sober and I’m going to continue to take it moment by moment. Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone.
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I’m having a milestone day too!
Oh, sorry, a minestrone day. I’ve just had soup. Minestrone day.
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Day 8 sober @anon27760155 I love the attitude of that penguin 
!!!
Today I was in bad mood, moody and cranky but I ask God to help me. Nobody is responsible of my addiction and of my wrong doings. I have to embrace responsibility
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“F**k this, I’m gonna bake a cake instead!”
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That’s about it, yeah. “When all else fails, bake a cake”.
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@Briella congrats on 17 days, that is awesome!! I can’t speak about pills as a DOC from experience but in my experience with alcohol it took me around a month sober to start feeling like I was finally completely free from all the bad effects and started to feel 100% more healthy. I was still a little foggy until that point.
@Mephistopheles That is so cool! What an awesome way to spend a morning. Talk about finding a project to do that will keep you occupied. That’s not something you get to see or do everyday.
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Looove the penguin hope to be like him one day!
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Congrats, sober-twin! You’re doing great!
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