- One more day of work before a loooong weekend. Gives me time to prepare my little square, my home and myself for all of you @M-be-free49. Going to be a happy gathering! Sober and clean. Love to you all from my little neck of the woods.
Beautiful numbers and inspiring post @Dragonflygirl82. Thanks so much and big congrats.
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Just dodged a bullet. Third meh day in a row, third day of binging, just thought fuck it. I can get back on sobriety train tomorrow. If I start now, I can sober up before the fam notice (bollocks). Why do I care about what my number is on here? I stood in the shop on the station platform and debated until my train came. Read my bookmarked reasons for quitting. Basically distracted myself until it really was too late to start. I know one reason is I havenāt zoomed a meeting in a while. My days off just get full and I donāt have time. I guess I really have to make time. Yesterday I planned to but spent all day helping a friend, then the kids were home. Tomorrow I am off but my husband has things he wants us to do. Evenings I see to the kids and fall asleep. I need to stand up more for what I need.
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Way to go there! so happy for you!
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8 months! great! congratulations on that.
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Thatās awesome. Those first tough 2 weeks are behind you. Of course you can do this!
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Thank you! Luckily itās a new day here now. New challenges, but yes I made it through the day yesterday! And yeah, I agree, our urges can just leave us alone!!
I truly am glad of the help and support that this forum offers. 
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Iām here, Iām alive and Iām sober.
Day 44
Still canāt sleep properly and it starts to show, wrinkles around the eyes are getting worse, dark circles under eyes are getting more and more visible. Itās annoying, but hopefully it will pass eventually.
Iāve got the day free until 14.00,no seminars, no group zoom meetings, no lectures. Completely free. Iām going to take out those Halloween decorations Iāve intended to put up a month ago, look for winter clothes and shoes because the ground was deep frozen with the first night frost this morning. And do a manicure and get some nail polish on. This far Iāve walked the boys to school, dropped a quick visit to my piercer and changed the nose piercing for what feels like the millionth time. This time to a white bioplastic/acrylic flower. Hopefully I can wear this without any problems. I might have to give up the thought about wearing a golden ring piercing jewelry since the idea of one in titanium is neither practical or price worthy. But you know what theyāre saying every thing goes on a beauty so Iāll rock the flower too. 
The issue with my nephews birthday was solved nicely yesterday, since Iām the brightest one of my siblings (with a small addition exception ) and didnāt feel it was a good idea to take the bus through two different villages to get to my brotherās house Saturday, I invited them over. So now Iām in charge of arranging a 1 year old birthday party on Saturday. Maybe not so smart but a lot more practical and fun for me.
So now the rest of the family are upset because they canāt come because of the Covid-19 restrictions. No matter how you do in our family, someone always gets mad and thereās arguments and fighting. I really wish the āgypsy stereotypeā wasnāt true but in this case it pretty much is.
And once again I canāt tell you guys enough how grateful I am to have my house back to myself. The guests wanted to come back for Halloween, to celebrate and to celebrate my husband at the same time. Because he has a birthday on the 9th of November. (Yep Scorpio, Scorpio and Pisces and two 9ās I know we make the perfect match for all eternity) They asked while they where here and I told them No. Yesterday the woman in that pair wrote something to my husband about me not wanting them to come, and asked him about it. She didnāt say it clearly but both of us could read between the line that she was really hurt about it. Unfortunately Iāve got the feeling āNot my circus, not my monkeys, not my freaking problemā. They are motivating what they want to make monthly visits with that they are close to us anyway. Theyāre living in Norway and going over the border once a month to buy groceries because Sweden is cheaper. And they drop by here every time to make a visit and see my husband. The woman have told me earlier that they like it at our place more than staying in their own home and the family they are living with. I feel a little bit sorry for them, but they are both grown ups and both of them gets double the paycheck compared to us, so theyāve got all the potential to change their situation.
I want to see myself as a nice and helpful person but in this case Iām out of helps. What do you guys think, am I totally wrong here?
Wishing you all the best week ever 
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Oh Sophia, I just love you. I dread the days you donāt update us on the going ons in youāre life. The soap opera is tangible. You have a beautiful heart and Iām sure those visitors will be back, if not them others will.
Have a great sober day.
Blessings and sobriety!
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Hereās to 8 months, youāre killing it! Keep on keeping on ODAAT!
Blessings and sobriety
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ativan 12,509. drink 12,447. cigs 12,039. keep on trucking
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88.12 Days
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Well done mate thatās another week
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Well, I didnāt take my anti-depressants this morning, so that hardly helped. I am wondering about cause and effect tho. Am I feeling down because of the binging, or am I binging because I feel down? Are some small things making me feel shitty, or am I blowing some small things out of proportion because I feel shitty? I only forgot my meds once tho, and the binging and being sensitive has been about for a few days.
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- Ugh it was a ok lift session, definitely wonāt be doing a battle rope session the day before chest ever again. My triceps were shot. Feeling ok today, back to work. Counting my gratitudes.
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Day 73.
Iām just gonna put this
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Itās day 30, I have been sober for a month.
I cannot thank you enough for your support, this forum means a lot to me. And itās not just the support, it also gave me a āsober identityā, you have filled the word āsoberā with meaning. Itās good to belong to this group, we have so much in common. I kinda lost the significant part of my identity a year ago, I was so lost, being in an empty space, not knowing who am I. I still have problems with self-awareness, but at least I have one (forever temporary) attribute what Iām sure of and what we have in common: Iām sober.
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