Checking in daily to maintain focus #20

[Desire2ChangeToday]

[apes2020]

day 188…laid in bed for a while last night and I had a lot of using thoughts. Just fantasising scenarios. But as soon as I’d realised my monkey brain was doing it, I pulled it back into check, but it went off on tangents quite a few times out of no where. My mind tends to still do this when its almost pay day. I always pull it back into check but it’s concerning how vivid the thoughts still get… I think this is the root problem as to why I tend to do a lot of online shopping every fortnight. I think come pay day it’s my default setting to do a Ton of online shopping to distract me from using, and if I spend my money on material things, I’m less likely to spend it on gear. I’ve done this literally the past 6 months. I need to change this habit and grow some strength with being able to have money available to me in my accounts with out the fear of me slipping and blowing it on gear. It’s the only bad habit I have left. As some one mentioned once here previously to me, I think its me trying to also fill the dopamine that I’m so use to experiencing, or something along those lines. I will work on fixing this habit this week. That my task for the week. And to lay off the online shopping… Oh and have I mentioned lately how much I appreciate all y’all? … Y’all are amazing

[Dazercat]

Way to go on all those days. 188 of them.
I too seem to shop more on line. It’s kind of like I’m not spending on booze SO…Then I can by some new kitchen gadgets. Or another Dutch oven. Cuz I did have THAT size. Last winter I bought a ton of sweaters so hopefully I won’t do that again. I don’t know. Just feels like a way to reward myself sometimes. I feel ya.

[anon60334405]

I actually still have this happen alot as well. Like happened today, I played the whole thing of a time when I got back literally when I was like 22. I played my grandfather for the money to do some work, got the money came back to town and blew all the money on my d.o.c… I chalked it up quick as thank God I’m not that person anymore, but it felt like it was yesterday, I say it’s a way of my mind keeping me in check, me making knowing I needed to make a mends so my mind played it. My grandfather is gone now, and I never finished the work for him. The other day at work. A guy I used with had talked to me the night before to help work on a machine at work. I could tell he was out of his mind when he talked to me. And when I saw him at work the next morning when he was supposed to help me I could see the blood on his nose, it made me reminisce about it a lil bit, I literally had to tell myself Mike, it’s not your business what he does with his nose stop thinking about it

[apes2020]

Ah its a vicious cycle our monkey minds when there on auto pilot like that. We are pretty tough to get through it all though as far as we have come. And we have come far mike

[apes2020]

Another excuse I’ve been recycling lately is the good old " my clothes don’t fit me any more I need new ones " excuse lol to Continually buy new clothes… I don’t need them. I have a ton of amazing clothes already lol. I just need to loose a dress size lol, so that should be more motivation enough for me to push myself extra hard in my work outs… Summer is very close here just over 5 weeks away!!! Again , another reason to smash out more work outs lol

[Dazercat]

I b was seriously just think that. But I’m reverse. I get to by skinnier clothes cuz mine are too big. And I already want to buy some new sleep lounging flannels. Maybe after that I’m good
After all I can’t be walking around with my pants falling down

[apes2020]

You can Never have too many sleep lounge clothes lol …i went a bit over the top this past quarantine and bought so many sleep lounge type wear lol. I literally have not worn half of it, it still hangs there with tags on … And I’m entering a danger zone now where it’s getting warmer here so I’m like owwwww I need new dresses etc lol… It’s a vicious cycle!! When you live alone, you can buy as much as you like with out anyone reminding you of your ridiculousness ha it’s a problem

[Nordique]

@apes2020 It’s so bad that it’s gotten to the point where we can actually say “this past quarantine” like it’s all normal lol

[TSan]

Checking in on day 29. Had a quiet day at home with my dog, Max. I’ve been feeling under the weather this weekend, so I’ve been trying to take it easy so I’ll be ready to go back to work in the morning.

@Dan531congratulations! One year sober is a huge feat!

@Girlinterrupted five months is awesome! Great work!

[M-be-free49]

Day 118.
A good day. Not all easy, but good. And nothing that a forest walk with the dog girl couldn’t fix. Could use a week or two of days like today and yesterday. Just might take some extra time off work before end of year to factor in more M-time.

Came across this quote today and made me feel so good - had to google-find it and share. Lots of talk on here about finding out more about ourselves in sobriety. I’m enjoying getting to know me. Maybe that’s why they call it “Recovery”
It’s not always easy, but it’s a relief - to have me back, life back.

@Lisa07 you are one strong lady. more good things for you please!

@TMAC the dog girl and I send Chiefy and you our best - he’ll come out on top, looks like a fighter!

@TSan 30 days tomorrow! A quiet day at home with your dog, doesn’t really get much better, hey?

@RosaCanDo pain, pain, go away - and please never come back…

And all of you - g’night, thanks for sharing another day

[Thirdmonkey]

947. Spent the day with Ms. Monkey. Picked her up and explored a church. It’s been forever since I attended, and she was looking for something different. Sobriety has repaired a lot of my relationship with God. It has shown me that God never left me, I just stopped looking and paying attention. It took her to get my feet to walk back in to a church.

[Dragonflygirl82]

Day 255~ Tonight’s what I call my birthday eve… I think about this past year and it’s been quite the wild ride. Feels like I’ve been through the ringer in a way. There has been the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. Over this year I’ve done so much growing and self repair. I have my sobriety to thank for that. Previous birthday eves I would be half in the bag and dreading turning another year older come morning. It’s completely different this year. I feel hopeful and excited for the next year and years to come. My life is no where close to being over. I’ve got so much to do and see. I’m just thankful to be alive and actually enjoy life again. It’s a beautiful thing to say my birthday wish has come true… I got my life back, I have my family and health and I’m living my best life. Here’s to 38 and many more!

Keep trying even when you think it’s impossible. Life can change. It does get better.

[Frank68]

My birthday is also tomorrow (26th). Happy almost birthday!!

[Dragonflygirl82]

Omg so cool! happy almost birthday Frank! It’s also your birthday eve

[M-be-free49]

Lol - at first i thought you were trying to tell us you are currently 25 years old

All that said, age is just a number! Happy Birthday to you and @Dragonflygirl82!

Wishing you both many more years of health and happiness and youthfulness no matter the age

[Dazercat]

[Frank68]

Haha! Umm just a tad bit older than 25

[Girlinterrupted]

Well I’m not. I wonder if I should be hanging out with all you old people, it’s just weird.

[Galen_82]