Lol, you’re the best, C_8!
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Love the orange tabbies. At one point we had 4 orange ones and one white one.
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Day 286
Productive day preparing for my visit some friends and family. Its been too long. Especially nice to see the kids and dog.
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Nice job on 150 Donna! Thank you for all the help you’ve given me.
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Congratulations on 150. Sending good vibes and love that even though you’re going through something, you can appreciate the beauty of a coyote running through your yard.
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Thanks, Dan…it goes both ways…
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Day 122. 4 months.
Gotta rant. Sorry guys. You don’t have to read it. It’s just helpful to get it down and out of me…
-
Writing.
I had an assignment due on Tuesday (this is why I haven’t checked in for a bit) that I had to “workshop” tonight (online class where everyone gives you live feedback). Usually these go fine, but I put my heart into this one (made characters out of the dysfunction that is my siblings and I, etc.) It still went fine, but there a couple of students in the class who they think they know everything and could write your own story better than you. I have no problem accepting constructive criticism, but some feedback is just wrong. I have to just learn to let it go. -
Mom.
It’s not as though she has dementia anymore, but like I’m witnessing her dying (over the phone when calls even work). Sometimes her sentences don’t make sense anymore and she can’t always remember me. And then she’ll tell me she’s proud of me and I’ll start crying. I try not to talk about it too much on here. It’s just part of my life right now. -
Work.
I’ve been crying while getting ready or on my way to work. I think it’s because when I worked from home I could just weave some of my grief into my day – a few sad moments and lots of happy ones too, and now that I’m back at the office I have to compartmentalize everything. I also have to deal with other people’s bullshit again… -
People at Work and Their Stupid Lack of Boundaries.
So, I’m single. Happily. Sure, I’m open to meeting someone (hmm, maybe) – but not looking, and definitely not setting up all my future happiness on a relationship. I’ve never thought of it as a problem that needs a solution, and I certainly don’t owe anyone at work an explanation as to why I’m single. No offense to anyone else - this is just me.
A couple of my female colleagues came into my office on Tuesday (I’m already feeling sad about Mom), looking like they’ve discovered a vaccine for covid or other amazing humanitarian invention, and tell me they’re match-making me and this guy from IT. Already started. I just told them not to bother at first, and then when they kept talking – I got super direct and told them that I had not invited them into my personal life and they need to learn a thing or two about boundaries – and apparently I offended them by not being grateful. I don’t think I’m wrong here?
(Since I have invited you guys into my personal life? I will tell you IT guy is great, and I’d like to get to know him better as a human, not as someone who can save me from my solo time, which I love BTW).
To the same girls from work: I’m on great terms with my ex-husband. We’re not getting back together. See above re: boundaries. Oh, and I’ve never criticized you for being girly-girls, so stop calling me woodsy or saying you’d love to dress me. I’m not your (fucking) project.
Sorry if this all sounds negative. I’m glad I don’t drink anymore. It definitely wouldn’t work at fixing anything…
I’m glad it’s Friday tomorrow and I get a weekend to play on the trails with the dog girl and play on paper with words.
Missed you guys. Will catch up on 400 posts now 
Big love to all 
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Thank you, Nicci!
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Oh man. I want to respond more, but for now I’ll just share my code phrase I have with a girlfriend when shit like this happens: “Bitches be trifling.” I’m glad you could vent here, and I hope it helped. And sending big hugs in dealing with the sadness and grief about your mom. Hang in there, lady.
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Hell no, you are not wrong here you do you! 
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I just wanted to let you know how powerful that post was, and I enjoyed reading it. Also, that I deeply empathize with the part about your mom. I’m in the exact same situation with my dad. And I feel that a little part of me is dying every single day because of it. Anyhow, thanks for venting, b/c I for one, was happy to read your venting session.
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Winding down my 700th consecutive day of sobriety. Back to fighting for every minute of every day during these tough times, but I will not give up. I hope you are all finding some peace and comfort, and having continued success with sobriety.
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Checking in - Day 11. Feeling the benefits. Stay strong and keep fighting everyone. 
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PS on the cats post: Ohhhh, cuuuuteeeee 
It’s so cool to have first things. You can be proud of yourself. Do you take one or, wait, take them all. I can’t wait for a cat. Maybe when I get a new apartment…
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Love that picture! It’s really true and sobriety is such a great way to invest in ourselves.
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Sometimes you’ve got to get things off your chest. Talk as much as you need about your mom here. These are things in your life that affect you.
Dude your co-workers though… Basically everything offends someone these days. You’ve just got to be who you are. If you don’t stand up for your boundaries and beliefs people will think that it’s okay to walk all over your thoughts and needs, and that you should be grateful to them for it.
Nope.
Girl, they’re just going to have to be offended.
In a perfect world, they would step away and contemplate their actions and the ins and outs of why you responded to their ‘well meaning interference’ in the way that you did and that you might have been offended by them trying to set you up without having an idea if that’s something you would even want. Unfortunately its in vogue now to tell other people that they are wrong to have opinions and feelings that differ from their own. There are a lot of people who think that their intentions should be what matters as if everything was a Christmas present.
It’s hard for a lot of people these days to look outside of themselves and realize that humanity is diverse. Just because someone looks different, thinks different, acts different… that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them, that they are bad, etc. I hope the girls are able to understand the incident from a mature level at some point.
Personally, I think it’s great that you stood up for yourself.
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700 days!! That’s frick’n amaaaaaazing! You are amazing.
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So here I am at day 3. I was so proud to have reached 4 months, 122 days. But then for some reason I decided that I fancied a bottle of wine. Then the next night I had another. This lasted for a few nights until I just said to myself that I wasn’t going to do it anymore, it wasn’t enjoyable, I didn’t like myself whilst drinking, or after. So I am back on it, day 3 feeling good.
I know i can do it and I know how great I feel. There really are no benefits.
In a way I’m thankful that I got to realise that it’s really not worth it. One day at a time 
T x
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And going on day number 10 no smoking or vaping. I can literally already feel the difference in my breathing. This is something I should’ve done a long time ago, quit smoking, but now is a good time too.
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