Day 265~ I stayed up way to late last night watching this election debacle. it’s out of our hands so now we wait.
My energy is on an upswing… I was really in a funk the past few weeks but I’m feeling stronger than ever. This sober journey is such a wild ride of emotions. I’m just glad I’ve been able to work through them and not give into the booze. It’s hard to believe sometimes I’ve now been doing this for 265 days like what!?? It’s amazing all the blessings that have come with being sober. I appreciate life so much more. I don’t have the best relationships with some people right now but they are getting better and I can honestly say and know I’m doing my part. My biggest hurdle has been boundaries which I often talk about. I really struggle with standing my ground and not allowing people to take advantage of me or walk all over me. I’m improving so I can’t be too hard on myself. I just wanna love and be loved… that’s all.
353 Days: 53 is my favorite number so I had to check in.
I like being sober.
I like feeling myself regain control of my life. I’m not blissfully happy all of the time, but I’m no longer numbing myself into oblivion, hiding from my fears, my mistakes, masking my problems with alcohol every night only to wake up full of regret with the weight of my issues even heavier than they were the night before.
I like that I’m learning to feel again, to work through my problems, face them, not let them define me, but deal with them in a constructive way.
I still get scared of the hole 20+ years of daily drinking put me in, but I’m finally starting to be able to look forward and see a better life, a better me, the true me.
I still have a long way to go, but it’s nice seeing my life start to change.
Day 766. Been a while since I’ve posted. Going thru a lot. A friend passed away unexpectedly last week and my boyfriends parents (dad is 80, mom is 77) are in the hospital with covid pneumonia. Both have underlying conditions. His dad is on a ventilator. It’s a mess. My school is in the process of trying to open the clinic and do some experiential classes in person so we can keep progressing thru our studies and not be delayed in graduating indefinitely. But that’s also stressful with logistics, safety, etc. My mom hopefully gets her leg cast off in a week, after 10 weeks of having it on. Idk I’m just trudging on through I guess. Forgot about my sobriety anniversary at the 1st of the month. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I don’t feel like drinking though, hasn’t even occurred to me. Which is definitely a good thing. Hope everyone is doing ok.
Day 128.
Still isolating in preparation to visit Mom in her quarantined room. I’ll leave on the weekend. Like others have mentioned recently, I’m so glad to be sober, especially these days. I can’t imagine adding a headache, fogginess, and regret to everything else going on right now. It’s a relief to know that I’ll wake up without these.
Lots of hard times for people on this thread… @Clarity please go easy on yourself, you’re wise and strong to face your grief instead of run from it. @Brookiemonster618 that’s an awful lot. i hope you have moments to recharge in the midst of it all… thinking about you and sending hugs. @Lisa how is your husband? is he home? do you have heat? @anon27760155 what everyone else said. we’re here for you, holding your hand through this.
G’night all. Thanks for sharing another day. Any sober day - even the toughest of them - is better than the alternative.
413 Days. Thanks for checking on me @M-be-free49. Hubby’s doctor was talking about doing surgery earlier today but decided to hold off and let the antibiotics finish working. What a difference 12 hours made. No surgery needed and he’s coming home tomorrow. I plan on taking him out to a nice dinner to celebrate his birthday a day late.
No heat yet but the wood burning stove is keeping us warm. Hubby knows how to fix the furnace and refuses to pay to have someone else do it. I’m sure it will be the first thing he does when he gets home.
I rescheduled my state exam for the 13th. Now that life will be getting back to normal, I plan on studying all weekend.
I can’t express how much the serenity prayer helped me get through the past few days. I haven’t had much sleep and started feeling overwhelmed.
If I was still active in my addiction, I would have fallen apart and created a bigger mess. Instead, I prioritized my to do list and tackling one thing at a time.
Day 18. Another meth smoking dream last night. My dreams definitely doing a number on me at the moment, but I feel less phased by them than before so no biggie.
Day 104 alcohol day 17 pills
Checking in
Mom was diagnosed with a recurrence of breast cancer yesterday.
Lockdown starts again today.
Work is tough.
But I am sober
Mark
Need to hurry as I have an interview with the second therapist that is going to give my group schema therapy in a couple of hours and I want to bike there. Clear sunny weather. Feeling nervous like it’s an exam of some sort but I’ll be OK. I’ll keep you posted. Sober and clean. Have a good day all. Love from the Tuinen van West (the gardens of West Amsterdam) where I was yesterday.
@Axsis Huge congrats Mykola! @Jennajen Be very proud of yourself Jenna. I am of you. Your thought processes seem very realistic and positive to me. That’s big. Big hugs from me. BTW, Losing 3 kilos in a month is plenty. About 500 grams a week is deemed healthy and sustainable.
Feel better after a solid night of sleep. Anxiety etc yesterday was not helped - and maybe started with - having an awful night sleep Tues night (only 4 hrs, and poor quality). I haven’t anxiety that bad in I don’t know how long. I’m glad I keep my sleep routine a priority in my life, and yesterday was a reminder why I do. Along with the politics, there are also new waves of layoffs at work happening. I don’t think I’m at risk but you really never know. My boss is out this week so I can’t see what whispers he may have heard. He’s got connections and is always transparent with me. Can’t worry about it too much, I can’t control it - I can just do my best to keep my value high and make myself indispensable.
Full day ahead of me. Gym in an hour or so. Then home to work. Physical therapy after. Mental therapy immediately after, and then small informal mtg with my friends I met at AA immediately after that. I like to have time to chill right after work, but its important stuff today so I can deal.
Today I am making more of an effort to choose positivity and hope over worry and pessimism, as I discussed earlier in the week. I let it get the best of me yesterday but I forgive myself. Progress not perfection
Time for an album I love and some long gentle stretching with deep breathing to get going.
Oh, I also realized last night that I began my hobby as a musician 19 years ago. Good lord it made me feel old. I’ve been much more consistent lately in my playing/singing after slacking for a bit, which is good. I’ve got 10 new covers under my belt.
it’s out of our hands so now we wait.
It’s amazing all the blessings that have come with being sober. I appreciate life so much more. I don’t have the best relationships with some people right now but they are getting better and I can honestly say and know I’m doing my part. My biggest hurdle has been boundaries which I often talk about. I really struggle with standing my ground and not allowing people to take advantage of me or walk all over me. I’m improving so I can’t be too hard on myself. I just wanna love and be loved… that’s all. 
