Goodnight all.
Last night, I had a ridiculously vivid “drunk-dreaming” experience… I was even unsure, when I woke up, whether I actually HAD gotten drunk or not !! But I hadn’t, so no worries there.
I could live without that again tonight.
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Day #68. Exhaustion is setting in so I’m keeping this short. I realized today that I never really liked the taste of alcohol. I think I drank because it was a way of connecting with my parents, as pathetic as that is.
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They will happen. I have been luckier than most in that I’ve had five I think.
But that first one, I woke up crying it was that intense and life-like.
Don’t forget that the sub conscious is trying to sort things out as well.
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People that say this have never drank dark fruit cider, if that is a trigger for anyone go and buy a bottle of vimto 
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I often think about this, particularly with covid but other stuff too. How much we learn in recovery - facing uncertainty, finding acceptance, taking it one day at a time and coming out the other side stronger. While the rest of the world has a meltdown, ok we may have a bit of a meltdown too, but we know we have the tools we need to get through this too!
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Even when the days are difficult, the thought of waking up with a clear head in the morning is a brilliant motivating factor. But when the days are good, even better! And you will remember it all!
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Congratulations 
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I hope everyone on here is doing amazing and great ! Checking in november 4th 2020 : work has me beat working nights is catching up to me not able to perform at my best due to lack and disturbance in my sleep schedule the most sleep i get is 3 to 4 hours its a been a year of this 
so im ready to move on and ask if they can put me on a day route .
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Hoping for some news and some clarity soon 
You will never leave her behind, she will be with you always
I found this video about grief quite helpful - sharing in case you do too
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Awwww you’re so welcome. I know what you mean about the cheers thing too. I used to get wasted to “cheers” my wife on her birthday and on the anniversary of her death but I am with you on this one, they definitely would want us to stay sober for sure. It’s not going to be easy, I’m not going to bullshit you, but it is going to be ok someday. I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to @Clarity, have a blessed night. 
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Day 39. Work was a total circus today. My bosses failed to tell me someone had quit on Monday, so I did not submit the appropriate paperwork to HR, which caused a bit of a tempest in a teapot. In the past, something like this would have ruined my day, with me finding a way to blame myself. Today, I took five minutes, realized there was nothing I could have done because I didn’t have the necessary information, and moved forward. This afternoon was a cavalcade of calls from frustrated people. Once again, I had to take a step back and realize that this wasn’t about me or something I’d done. Their frustrations stemmed from circumstances out of my control- insurance adjusters, supply line issues, or mortgage companies.
At any rate, it was good to come home and walk Max and give him a bath. I’m going to make some dinner and write for a while and get to bed early.
@Briella it was good to hear from you and hear about your sober plans for pay day!
@Clarity, I’m sorry you’re hurting so much. There is no timeline for grief, and the truth is that you never really get over losing someone. I so admire your strength for staying sober as you grieve.
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Hey no fair! You just made me cry happy tears, and if I could give you a “lil sis punch in the arm” right now I would, and then a big hug 
Love and deep respect back at’cha. 
You make this place that much better every day.
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Awwww YAY!!! I’m glad I made you cry… happy tears 
I don’t know about punching me in the arm lol you’d have to catch me first lol 
Have a great night sis
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Congrats, @Axsis on 400 Days!!! That is a huge milestone, one with lots of effort, struggle & growth behind it. Be sure to take a moment to breathe, look back at where you started, appreciate what you have learned along the way, and acknowledge how much better life is for having made the choice of sobriety and stuck with it through the good and bad to be where you are today! 
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Have a read of the discussion on the political meme thread. There is a lot of info there. Not the meme thread, the discussion one