Forgive me here, this is a new thing for me to be trying to do but, that selfie you posted the other day? If I hadn’t of known your back story I would definitely see you as a bloke.
I’m not just saying that!
But I get the way your feeling. I guess we all get days were something about ourselves lets us down. Or we don’t like something, but usually, with me, it’s the fact that I’m comparing myself to others. And that is wrong. As we are all different and shouldn’t compare ourselves like that.
We are who we are.
Hang in there bro!
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@Tomek Yes that must be very hard at times Tomek. We all have our crosses to bear and some are a heavier load than other’s. I do agree with Geoff though, you 100% look like a guy to me.
BTW and between us, if I was 30 years younger I’d very probably identify as nonbinary. Emotionally I’m really halfway between both genders. I am what I am. As are you friend. Hugs.
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bloody hell you could have waited a few more minutes so we could get the 300 gifs out. 
see you there 
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Older, wiser, ambitious, confident, happier yeah your doing OK in my eyes. Life is just life the more we put in the more we get out. 
brilliant sober days BTW.
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yesterday was 272??? I give up. Well done 
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Day 93
I have to teach on google classroom for the first time, so literally have been watching “how to” videos on one tab and setting up my classes on another! I don’t know wtf I am doing. Each time my husband makes a comment about I “have time now” because I am remote teaching I want to punch him in the face. I am really enjoying my dressing gown and legwarmers recently though. Feeling warm and cosy in the evenings is so lovely, much better than passing out!
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@anon12657779 @Mno Thanks a lot, guys, I wish I could see myself with your eyes. I try to accept myself the way I am, but it just sucks sometimes. I try to avoid comparison and toxic masculinity, sometimes with success, sometimes without. Dysphoria however is a bit different than just comparing ourselves to others and not being happy with the outcome. I haven’t really found any coping mechanism for that, I usually just wait till it eases.
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imagine a world where the human race no longer exists and you are the only person left on the planet, there would be no-one to judge you and you would have no one to compare yourself to. The person left would be the person who you are and you would be OK with that bc whatever faults you thought you had wouldn’t be relevant anymore, it wouldn’t matter what your face was like or how your voice sounded.
The only label you could put on yourself then is ‘ME’ and you would be enough.
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Well yes, eventually at a deeper level we are humans, genderless persons. But also we live in society and it has effects on us.
I see your point but I can’t/don’t want to live without those additional levels that are added to my personality: without gender, nationality and such. I don’t only have to accept myself as a person but as a guy as well. And if I would like to do it, I have to accept my appearance too.
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Day 283. So some stuff is going down in my town. March 11th 2012, I was 22 at a party. I was going through my 2nd dwi, I was in St Joe’s so I wasn’t supposed to be drinking. A fight broke out, and I remember some of it, I was involved in a fight with a couple of ppl. Well one of the kids went missing that night. They supposedly found him off a tip. I’m hoping for closure for the family, and actually us there who don’t know what happened. I hate it ppl don’t know I was there that night and today I walked into work and everyone was talking about it starting all these rumors about somebody must know what happened, I heard all these drugs were there. Well geuss what I was there and I don’t know what happened. It makes me feel bad that I don’t know what happened, it’s also pretty crazy to think I did no everyone at that party and one of them may of very possible done something to that boy. His name was Collin gillis, and I pray him and his family get closure, I remember that night like yesterday, and I’ll never forget it.
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A stoic buddha toad! Brilliant!!! 
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Totally, that’s why on my planet I only let the people and the things in that bring something positive to my world. We get to choose.
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Nooo…!!! 
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Even surrounded by positive people and things one still needs to experience and live those additional attributes given by society.
Dysphoria cannot be avoided by choosing the right people into our world and I guess it doesn’t disappear being the only person left in the planet.
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I’ve now got to Google dysphoria, I’m out of my depth here
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I’ve googled it and I guess we all look at the world through different glasses. I’m definitely not a therapist so I’ll not sit here and try and change your perception, all I know from my own experience is in the past I was surrounded by negative people in a negative environment and this gave me a negative opinion of myself but now I’m in a whole new world called sobriety and have a love for everyone which has a knock on effect of starting to like who I am. Nothing and no one can change who I am now unless I decide to change my mind. Its a complicated subject for sure.
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I appreciate your will to help and understand me.
The way my mind works simply doesn’t match my body and vice versa. It’s not a perception, it’s just the way it is, cannot be really changed.
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Todays 273! 
I think the time difference and the fact that I do my update late in the night is throwing you off!
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my son in law was born a women so I’m not totally ignorant to how we all work, it’s been a long emotional journey with lots of pain and operations but he is definitely a man now the lazy little shit
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