well, this is exactly where I am at the moment.
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Day 66: Woke up from an intensely emotional and realistic but movie-like dream, with scenes and such…it was a bit jumbled but the main sentiment was missing people and places and feeling lonesome. I can’t shake this lingering sadness. Lots of soft tears springing up. Blast my emotional self! I am trying to cheer myself up, wish me luck. At the same time, I know there is nothing wrong with feeling this way and it will pass. I’ll be okay as long as I stay aware of it and let it visit but not overstay it’s welcome. Some knitting in front of a favorite movie should help. (Now that I think about it, perhaps this is leftovers from watching the final Harry Potter movie last night in our week long Potter-thon! 
)
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Day 153 clean and sober today. Thank you @RosaCanDo for your post this morning. I needed to hear and remember that our feelings will pass! I’m super unmotivated this morning mixed with some depression and anxiety but so what right? Lol I still need to go to work and get through the day. Sometimes it’s hard for me to tell if I’m getting sick or if it’s my depression acting up and it’s really weird. Anyway I hope everyone has a great day today, love you guys!!! 
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Day 74.
Done with the seminars and classes for this week, well almost. I’ve got one for tomorrow but it’s pre-recorded so I can attend whenever I want to. The constant lack of sleep and the winter darkness is starting to show more and more. I’m in some light zombie mode where I’m only able to think and focus for short amounts of time. I started to plan the Elf on a Shelf after today’s seminar but I had to stop because I was to tired to think properly. Hopefully it gets better when the light returns in a few months.
I also got my first delivery from Amazon yesterday, which finally has come to Sweden. We still don’t have access to all the amazing American stuff but I managed to buy some Elf on a shelf items that my boys will love, that we can’t get here. Elf on a shelf blind bags, elf on a shelf Christmas ornaments and English Christmas crackers with Elf on a shelf game inside. Since our Elf is a nice one that doesn’t do pranks she brings gifts, joy, love and play instead. I hope our new teen/tweenie will like it too.
I’m really looking forward to Christmas this year, it feels so nice with no pressure to go anywhere (except for the constant one from family, but the new Coronavirus restrictions stopped that last week) and just be able to do Christmas the calm and cozy way at home. Also I’m thrilled about Amazon, and going to do some Christmas shopping there. The Coronavirus restrictions will probably stop us from going into town Christmas shopping anyway. It’s a little sad, I like walking around in the decorated stores, stopping for hot chocolate and just feel the Christmas cheer. But it might be just as cozy at home with some warm Christmas drinks and cozy blankets without any stress.
Don’t feel like it’s going to be hard to stay sober during Christmas, I almost never drank at that time anyway. New years will be harder, my daughter the one I have with the Jehovas guy and aren’t allowed to see, is born New Years eve.
I try not to think about it every year, but it usually sneaks up on me.
Besides that, all good.
Wishing y’all a wonderful weekend 
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Day 54. I got my flu shot and tdap (dtap?) so that I could see my best friends baby when they are ready for visitors. They are in the hospital with some kind of complication with baby. He says they don’t think they will have to do the c section early though. Gotta let the little bean keep cookin for a few more weeks if they can. Normally I am not big on babies but I’m just so excited for him and he seems really happy. Guess I better get started on those baby booties I was gonna make in case she’s early!
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Oh yeah. A potterthon will do that to ya. Have you read or listened to the books? I’m sorry you’re feeling a bit teary today (hugs). What’s your favorite movie? What are you knitting at present?
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Staying sober today. 
A lot of the fear and worry I was experiencing over the last week is starting to subside. I’m feeling a bit more confident the last couple days.
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Thanks for the response! I read the books as they were first coming out and was super stoked when they were made into movies (really good movies!) My favorite movie of the series is The Prisoner of Azkaban because of the Mexican director Alfonso Cuarón - he’s one of my favorites and his flavor shines through on this movie. I have so many favorite movies in general, could never name just one. I might watch The Secret Garden from 1993, which is one I tend to watch when I’m feeling this way. It brings happy tears and helps me feel hopeful. I picked up my fuzzy blue sweater project to knit after several months of not touching it (or any knitting for that matter) and I’m happy to be clacking the needles again. 
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Who you calling slow.
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@Tomek I’m not sure what the process is for trans people in the country where you are, but I hope you’ll be able to get on T soon if that’s what you want. I found it so unbearable pre-T so I feel your pain. There are a couple of things you could try to help lower your voice and grow some facial hair while you wait to get on T. There is something called Minoxodil, plenty of trans masc people grow a decent amount of facial hair from using it, and it’s certainly helps mine start appearing after not having successful growth from being on T for 6.5 years 
There are also videos for voice training on YouTube, it takes practice and patience but I’ve seen some good results from that too. Also, there’s nothing stopping you from getting yourself a shaving kit and shaving as though you already have a beard, I’ve been doing that occasionally for many years and it feels good every time. Happy to talk anytime if you feel like it. Hang in there, it does get better 
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@I.cant.We.can Congrats on 300! 
62 days.
Got my cleaning done this morning, and had the viewing. Feels nice to have a clean flat, I feel peaceful and relaxed now.
I was gutted earlier because it’s my sister-in-law’s birthday today and I’ve been looking forward to visiting them for a long time because I haven’t seen my niece since 20th September, but when I msged about it this morning they said I had to visit while she was asleep and stand outside because another child at her nursery has tested positive for Covid. It was still nice to chat with my brother and his wife for almost an hour though, I really hope I can see my niece before the year is out though 
I almost didn’t do any walks at all today, caught myself talking myself into taking the day off, and found some determination instead. I walked a slightly different route but unfortunately, despite nicer scenery, the path was way more uneven and hurt my foot even more than the usual route. I’m getting so fed up of being in pain, but trying to keep pushing through it and not let it win. I’ve just iced my heel for an hour while I’ve caught up on here, but it doesn’t give any relief. Sorry for the moan.
Friday tomorrow and relieved to say it no longer phases me. I’m so grateful to be sober, even despite all the pain.
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Hey! That’s my favorite in the hp movies as well. So under rated.
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So last night I found out that my 63-year-old mother has tested positive for covid-19. Trying not to dwell on worst case scenario. She’s fairly healthy so I’m hoping she can fight through it without it getting too severe.
On a positive note: instead of wanting to drink when I got the news, I OCD cleaned the house!
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Just took a COVID test! Wasn’t that bad. Kind of annoying, then I relaxed and just let her do what she had to do. Had to use the drive thru since I have symptoms and reason to be worried - overseeing the in-person voters on November 3rd. Because of a computer hack of the medical system, the results are being delayed from 3 days to 5/6. Yay. Won’t drink, will probably read, knit and walk. Gotta keep up that lung capacity! Oh, and day #76 here. Gotta stay positive!
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Most people have mild symptoms. I’m 57 and waiting results. Gotta stay ++++
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I wish everyone a good evening. Here a song I really love and to sing out loud. Translation is to get up when you are down on the ground
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I can kind of relate to that in regards to other Young Adult geared fantasy fiction series’. The HP series first came out when I was in High School and my younger brothers and I all got into it together, so there’s a sentimental aspect to it. If I read them when I was older I would probably not have the same enthusiasm. Big LOTR fan here!
I was a zealotrous HP fan until jkr came out as a full blown TERF and then just keeps doubling down on her assery. It kinda tainted my love for the series. My husband is more of a LOTR fan himself. Very nerdy household here lol
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That was super disappointing when I heard that about JKR.