I just think you are an angel!
My sister (the psychologist) tells me… “Nobody is perfect, everyone has flaws… you just have to decide if those flaws are ones you can live with or if they are deal breakers.”
I thought about this… Deal breakers for me are being unfaithful, abusive, or having a peanut brain… LOL My daughters dad has his share of flaws (hypochondria, codependency, an anxiety disorder etc…) but none of them are dealbreakers for me. He is faithful, he loves science, he is smart, and he has never laid a hand on me. So I stay.
Faith must be amazing too… hope you get to see her soon. 
6 Likes
Awesome thank you Graham I appreciate that. Yes you are right about getting some professional input on this and I’ll start doing some research. I’ve been getting a little help from another forum that I’m a part of from people that have DID and it’s been pretty helpful when I do get a response. Things have been very stressful for Faith over the last few weeks and I know logically that’s why she’s being triggered to switch so much. I’m ashamed to say that I as much as I tried not to started to get my feelings hurt more and more even though I logically knew why this was happening. I try very hard to be supportive because I do love her so much but sometimes when things like this happens my own issues get triggered and it’s so hard to pull out of it before it grabs ahold of me. I just pray that there’s a way for she and I to work through this as she truly is the love of my life. I will continue addressing and working on my sobriety and my mental health challenges so I can be as healthy as I can be for myself and for her. Thank you again for your take on this I really appreciate the feedback, have a wonderful day!
7 Likes
Awwwww thank you Sarah I really appreciate that!! That’s a great way to think about it. No it’s not a deal breaker the way things are it just really triggers my own issues and sometimes it’s hard to not let them get ahold of me. As far as I know she’s been faithful to me and as far as I know she’s been honest with me though sometimes I have my doubts but I think that’s on me and part of my BPD flaring up. I pray that the message I sent is received well by them and if not I’m scared that the system might just end things with me which will not be easy to recover from. Have an amazing day today and thanks again for your support!!!
4 Likes
Hey Luisa.
Just thinking about you and praying you’re ok. And that God gives you the strength to deal with these feelings of betrayal you’re having to deal with. 
2 Likes
Checking in - hour 18
10 Likes
174 days. Feeling in an emotional funk this morning. I am unable to pinpoint areas that may be causing this and I’m frustrated as I come up empty handed. The emotional release I felt the other night while watching my show and bawling was a welcome release albeit confusing. I’m thinking I could use a “me day” and am trying to envision what I want that to look like.
20 Likes
Love the way you caught your numbers. Congrats on almost 67 coming up. I’d be a little anxious too about surgery. Actually I’d be a lot anxious 
. Not much of a pep talk. 
. However. Before my surgeries, what really helped me was doing a lot of guided meditations the week before like 2 or 3 a day and right up to the day of. I even had my meditations with me (in my phone with ear buds) right up until they wheeled me in for my hip replacements. And right after. The nurses were really impressed with my blood pressure readings. Will be praying for you
And you’ll be fine 
5 Likes
Congrats on 16 days.
I like the Breethe App for meditations. They have short ones long ones and they are very helpful for me. When I was working out I would sit in the Golds Gym parking lot. Find a 5 to 10 minute relaxing meditation and get good and grounded. Every one can spare 5 or 10 minutes to meditate. Then go in for a great workout. The meditation part can be harder to do than the workout. But just like working out meditation takes repetition to get it down.
I hope you you have a good work out and a great day sober.
1 Like
Thank you so much!! 
1 Like
Hi April. 
Nice to see you around. Way to go knocking out a week of sobriety 
3 Likes
I’ve got to go to court this afternoon. I’ve got to deal with some past behaviors. It sucks, but I’ll show up to life today sober.
24 Likes
Checking in - Hour 19
9 Likes
Ok so I wanted to do another check in because I’m shaking a bit and I’m really upset. Please let me know if I came off like a jerk, I don’t think I did and I am really upset and I ended it with them. Here’s the conversation in response to the message I wrote her earlier if you don’t mind reading them for me thank you. I will just call them “them” because of the system thanks.
Them:
You say communication is key and you say that when you don’t hear from me it makes you overthink and worry, yet we didn’t hear from you for almost 2 days and you’re on Facebook able to reply to your friends but not to “the love of your life”, that is something that will make us overthink and worry. If you needed time to think that’s fine, but communicate that with us so we don’t overthink and worry. It doesn’t make sense to be like that if you want a relationship. We can talk later maybe. I’m not happy with our situation.
Me:
I want to say that I have been trying to work through my issues as well and I’m not perfect by any means. I have flaws and I make mistakes. I am doing the best I can despite my own issues. I didn’t know how to respond to you so I thought it would be better if I took some time to think. I do my best to be there for you and I’m a little taken back by the way you’re upset with me right now. You could have reached out harder then you did as well and talk to me but you didn’t. Bottom line is that I reached out because I care and want it to work. I feel that it’s unfair that I am getting such a negative reply when I have been so kind and understanding through all of the time we’ve been together. You said for me to think about if I want to commit and stay I’m choosing to stay because of love and that’s why I’m reaching out.
Them:
I have been typing for 10 minutes. Of course I’m going to respond. And I don’t think you have space to say that to me.
Me:
That’s fine. I feel that every time I open up about my feelings I get shit on and I get everything thrown back on me. I’m not going to continue to get gaslighted like this anymore. I’ve opened up to you and it gets thrown in my face every time. Faith used to say that she was so grateful for me and how I love her and I believed her. I feel like it’s at a point where you just want it over with but don’t want to say it so I’m going to do you a favor and end it for you. I am worth so much more than the way I’ve been treated recently and I know that someone out there will truly cherish the man that I am. I’ve had enough of all the gaslighting bullshit and the lack on your part to ever take responsibility for the way you’ve treated me. I’d rather be alone then with someone who makes me feel like this I’m done. Goodbye
10 Likes
My heart hurts reading this. I don’t have any experience with multiple personalities and I can’t even imagine how difficult this is for you. You are a good man and are getting stronger each day on your journey. Please be kind to yourself during this time and take care of you.
6 Likes
I think it was very well said, Rob. Take a step back and look at what’s good for you. You showed a lot of growth, I think. It seemed like it was derailing all the work you’ve done.
If you can get outside or something physical it may help.
Hugs, sweetie.
7 Likes
I hope you’re doing lots of loving self care right now, even if it’s just some breathing meditation. Sit with this for a while. And most importantly, keep your recovery #1. Sending hugs.
6 Likes
Yikes, dental stuff makes me super anxious! However, oral surgery feels safer in my weird mind, because you’re not conscious to accidentally mess something up in progress (my fear) like sneeze or have a random arm twitch and bump the dentist’s hand (you can see where my mind goes…
). I had all four wisdoms removed while they were below the gum line and I think fused as well. They have to tell you all the risks, but it’s a very common procedure and they have loads of experience. The anticipation is tough! Hang in there!
3 Likes
Thank you @Squirt that means a lot. I’m going to try and be kind to myself and heal from this clean and sober. Thank you for your support Michelle I really appreciate it.
3 Likes
Thank you Donna I think you’re right. It was really starting to effect my mental health like we had been talking about and if I don’t protect my mental health I could very easily start drinking and using again and like the saying goes, to use is to die and I am 99.9% sure that I would end up taking my own life and that scares me. Thank you for being such a good friend through all of these months it means a lot. Love you pal
4 Likes
Thank you @RosaCanDo for reminding me to breathe lol my hearts broken and I need to get back to basics thank you
3 Likes