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Day 108
My busiest day done, made busier by having to do tests in lunchtime for students who were absent for the actual test. Would often use my tired, âfinally finishedâ feeling as an excuse for a drink. My throat would be gasping for cold liquid, and my body yearning for release. Just cold tea hit the spot today, makes me wonder how much craving was just dehydration. Looking forward to hearing all about my kidsâ school trips that they had today after I get back home.
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Enjoyed my first Thanksgiving sober since 
âŚforever. It was very low key and enjoyable.
I hope everyone one had a sober happy Thanksgiving. And for the rest of yâall not in the states I hope you had a nice sober Thursday 
I donât usually like to get a head of myself. I like to stay in the âIâm not drinking todayâ mode but
Iâm ready for my first sober Christmas 
Bring it on Santa!!
Bless yâall for fighting the good fight.
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And so you should be proud, its a great thing you did! Well done
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Wow, a whole leap year. Congrats x
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Day 352! today was thanksgiving, and the first time Iâve been around drugs and alcohol for a while. it was really strange and even know there was no pressure for me to smoke with my family, I still felt uncomfortable being in the presence of someone else and weed. at least I have a lot of other things to be thankful for though 
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Thanks Joy!
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Day 1. So disappointed in myself to have given in and drank last night. I keep thinking about Christmas and how hard it will be to not drink so just gave in and drank. Stupid stupid thoughts! So back to day one. But onward and upward.
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Hope you learned something Sparkle. Seems to me you did. In that case itâs not all for nought, even though the drinking in itself is just that. Good youâre here right after the deed (although right before would be better so we could try to talk you out of it). Onward and upward indeed. And one day at a time like all of us. Have a good sober day friend.
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D57
This week I met with my new therapist in a joint session with my current one who will retire around Christmas. All in all it was a good session altho she immediately challenged my moral code and decision to abstain from my DOC (pmo). I explained different points why my track record proves that I donât have room for moderation. She seemed to understand altho Iâm sure she disagrees on the point in general.
I find it interesting. This office is a joint mental healthcare and substance abuse clinic and yet they promote moderation as an option. I guess some people can moderate, weâre all different here, but to give that option to an addict you havenât worked with seems odd to me. I guess our time is expanding in what is understood to be âgood and healthyâ.
Is this common? Is this something that is a current âtrendâ in social and healthcare?
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Jan, this is fucking awesome!! 
Congrats!! I do hope you get to celebrate this achievement somehow!
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Got a CBT session this morning which Iâm not looking forward to. Generally feeling anxious and frustrated and overwhelmed and like itâs all pointless and itâs not working and whatâs the point. Breathe!
I think a big thing for me is doing it without any real understanding of what itâs going to achieve. So far it has all been about tracking my moods, trying to plan in behaviours and activities (which I HATE). I just want to not be depressed and anxious anymore. I donât want to learn to manage it. My brain wants to DO something, to fix it and for it all to be done RIGHT NOW!
I am sure I am setting unrealistic expectations which are leading to resentments.
I have also been thinking a lot about how when I was drinking I felt so much more capable than I do now. I was juggling so many different things and finding time to get shit faced too. But really, sobriety has given me a new level of awareness which I couldnât tap into while I was drowning my thoughts.
Reminding myself that patience and acceptance are probably the best tools at my disposal at the moment. That things will change whether I do anything or not. So just got to work out how to torture myself about it all as little as possible in the meantime.
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