Yeeep. Back in 2015 I started a therapy after a hard break up that I was drinking away. After 3 years of full time drinking, while paying for 3 years of weekly private counselling at 100$ per sessions, I tried sobriety. About 4 months after my therapy ended (I was still going just because I was afraid that my symptoms would come back - I couldn’t believe I could just be well?!). I told my therapist that I didn’t know what happened, how did it finally worked out after all this time? He told me: « well, you stop drinking. »
Spent 12 hours at the treatment house today. Started the day with the house gratitude meeting and then into the kitchen to make burgers. Then during line up for lunch shit started to spiral for most of the rest of the day, phew. Watched clients just leave today, get sent to the hospital, get taken away in ambulance. Almost fights breaking out. Holding one of my friends, who showed up after a week bender, as he cried shaking with the DT’s by the end of the night. I’m just a client myself with 10 months of clean time. Glad there’s not too many of these kind of days. Still clean and sober time for my prayers and rest.
God bless you all. &
Day 151.
No lie – this week has been a big, full, hard one – mentally, emotionally, physically. I didn’t even post a check-in last night – too tired. But as @RosaCanDo said, I still felt the love and I hope you could feel mine back.
Mentally – an important meeting/presentation all morning that took a lot to prepare for this week. I walked the dog girl after, took some deep breaths and felt the “ahhh”. The first few weeks and months of life sans alcool, this is when I really missed “unwinding” with a cider (and the first one would go down sans awareness FAST). I kind of chuckled on my walk, realizing my body knows how to make its own “feel good” chemicals. Who knew?
Emotionally – Mom is winding things down, her life, and I am bearing witness to that. It’s like she’s at the top of the playground slide, waiting her turn to go down, and I just want to stand beside the slide and hold her hand on the way – make sure she feels as safe as she made me feel, growing up.
Physically? I need some sleep! And, if all goes well this weekend, I will post a sober leg selfie with my x-country skate skis on. Now that’s worth waking up to on Day 152.
As hard as this week was at times? My headspace tonight would not be possible if I were still drinking. And I’m quite sure 151 days would not be possible without sharing this journey with all of you, and yours with me. Grateful, awed, and humbled by this beautiful place called TS.
Congrats on your 151 days.
Sorry to hear about your mom. It’s so hard to know this is happening and you can’t be there. I can tell you’re a wonderful daughter.
Y’all are still in my prayers.
Give the dog girl a good pet on the head.
Great job at the house. You seem to be handling it well. And you’re learning how important your own sobriety is. God bless you too.
Keep up the great work.
Thanks Eric its always nice to hear from you. I’m glad you had a nice quiet Thanksgiving holiday and btw I agree. I look forward to a nice sober Christmas. Oh ya also. you’re living the dream my friend. right on the golf course, nice!
I am truly blessed. I know you love golf. I really just like the amenities. The thought of hitting that ball and throwing out my back and chasing it down sounds dreadful I got a bunker out back. The 12th fairway is in my back yard. I swear that bunker is a magnet. Everyone ends up in it . And I’ve learned the sound a golf ball makes when it hits one of my ponderosa pines
Have a good night buddy.
Another sober day tomorrow.
490 days one day at a time, can’t ask for more. The sober life is good and even the bad days are better then my best days loaded, if that makes sense. Happy to see all of you kicking butt in this thing we call sobriety. Let’s look forward to what God puts in front of us tomorrow, with an open mind and a new outlook on life. Good night TS
435 Days. I haven’t been feeling well physically or mentally the past couple of days. I just feel off. I also had 2 very vivid using dreams the past couple nights causing me to wake up shaking and hating life, thinking I was already very far down the rabbit hole. I have a long weekend off from work for the holiday and had all these plans to get caught up but have no motivation to do any of it. Hopefully, I’ll feel better tomorrow before I waste the entire weekend in self pity.
Day 755. Slept well. Feeling exhausted and insecure of what I can/should/have to post. Reading is better, I guess. Than I can’t say sth wrong.
Did a long chain of wrongs in the last two years, being sober. Main part I think it’s : that is who I am. Trying to be honest, let my feelings out. But now I learn that most of the time that is not good. I have to shut up and smile.
Glad to have 3 days off now. Try not to figure out what will come on Tuesday. I sent the email yesterday at 3 pm and left. Later saw in teams that my team manager called me 10 minutes later. And I did not sent the mail to her. That will be a fun week.
Coffee. The paint job is nearing completion. Wish I didn’t have three appointments so I could just get on with it. Tonight my bestie and me will try to cook a very chique dinner, the ingredients being delivered from one of the best restaurants in town, with the possibility to chat to the chef for cooking tips. Tomorrow I’ll have my aunt and uncle over for tea, second time I’ll see them since my dad died and some stuff concerning inheritances occurred six years ago. And after to my sis for her 59th birthday dinner. Busy busy. Hope it’s not too much.
This week of starting therapy combined with family business coming up made me think of my parents and the fact I do not have a picture of my mother on display. Decided to print and frame this wedding picture. Doing this for myself, but I guess also to show my aunt and uncle she’s here in my house too. Or something. I tend to construct little storylines about myself, to make myself look just that little bit better than in fact I am. Well, I’m not unique in that if I have a look at social media. Have a great weekend all. Sober and clean. Love from Amsterdam.
@Lisa07 Try to move from self pity to self care. You’re so worth it friend. @anon74766472 I’m glad you wrote anyway Franzi. Good times and bad ones. And yes, we have to be selective who to share the truth about ourselves with. Not all will appreciate it. And yes, living is doing a lot of wrongs, with some good mixed in between. We do our best. You do. I see it. Thanks for sharing.
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