Day 85: Have to come to grips with not feeling well and thus not being able to do the things I want to be doing. Accepting what is my current reality until I can get in to see a doctor. Magical thinking isn’t going to get me out of this, nor is ignoring things or getting frustrated, angry, sad, or feeling self-pity. Mostly I am scared and worried. Having low moments now and then, but I really am trying to use healthier coping skills to manage my emotions and thoughts. On Sunday I was thinking about continuing to build routines for myself and I just have to reframe what that will look like for the time being. It’s rather timely, actually, that I can focus on being present with my buddy Chucho, my dog whose heart is failing. We can convalesce together. Commenting on @Salty and her 60 days yesterday I mentioned regrets…I’m doing my damndest to keep the regrets I have about what drinking may have done to my body laser-focused on keeping me sober, rather than pulling me down. I can’t change the past but I can keep on this path and just hang in there for the time being. Oh, and stop fucking looking at WebMD. Somebody please remind me of that occasionally! 
Here’s some love that showed up on my kitchen counter today - thought I’d share with you guys.
Yay… We get those too. It’s even more fun when it’s not dry snow but sleet 
feels like taking back some control tipping it down the loo like the shit that it is. Towards the end I was buying it and what I thought at the time wasting it by tipping it away. Looking back it definitely wasn’t a waste it was progress well spent.
Hi everyone 
I haven’t checked in in forever but I just wanted to reach out. I’m really struggling this afternoon 
I haven’t had such strong relapse thoughts in quite a while but my lads have bought quite a bit of stress my way since Friday (just usual dramas, stuff they can’t handle) and it’s started again this afternoon… god this is hard!!! I’m trying to stay strong and I know drinking will only make it worse but I just want to silence the shit!!! Had to write this down on here if only to know I have shared how close I am to just getting totally pissed out of my head, so I sleep and I can’t hear all the Male testosterone from the lads 18&23. 
thanks for being here 
must be something in the air bc I could drink this week but what do we gain? what is the point really? why do we think next time it’ll be OK? They’re just thoughts we don’t have to act on them. 
Good that you’re getting help! I hope the meds kick in and you find new tools to cope with anxiety 
Work through it. . .you are stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for. Don’t take that 1st drink. This too shall pass
Checking in December 1st
Life can go somewhere with all its bullcrap i got my sobriety by the horns and im riding the bull no matter what im not budging lets goooo !!!
Oh thank you, my dear big eejit 
Sarah don’t be pulled in by an old coping way… You got this you can deal with the boys drama without a drink and you know !!! If you have that drink you’ll kick yourself after…
Play that tape forward, do anything but pick up.
Pretty please
Thanks Paul! You’re right, they are just thoughts. It’s so frustrating when you have been charging on feeling ok (especially with all the crazy stuff going on in the world) and then BOOM! That fecking voice in your head 
thanks for listening fella, I hope you feel ok and are managing to keep that voice at low vol. 
Bless you Danni! I know it won’t help but I MISS BEING ABLE TO BE HERE IN BODY BUT NOT IN MIND i think I’m gonna get on my cross trainer and blast it out of me. I am so lucky to of found this place and you all. My boys are good lads and I’m sure if I was to just say tone down the rage it’s triggering me they would but I’m trying to stay strong and get on with it. Wasn’t even going to reach out but I think it was that voice that was telling me not to moan on here. Glad I didn’t listen… thanks Danni 
Thanks squirt. I’m gonna go move my ass and see if I can shake it off
I absolutely love your post! I feel like I can relate in a way (not that I’m even close to 81 days - btw congrats!!!), but just about the uncertainty and the triggers and feeling like something is missing.
This right here I LOVE! The wonderful thing about recovery is having the ability to choose my actions (whereas being an addict made me feel like I had no choice). Hoping the absolute best for you and hoping your interview went well 
it’s just a stupid mumble. 
talks shit and means nothing. Ego ego ego, never gonna let me go 
.
Great job checking in! Try some self care!!. I woke up with anxiety and I just ate some pie in a bubble bath. LOL but I feel worlds better. I like your idea of excersizing too!
Detatch from how the boys are making you feel. Breathe through it, youve got this!! 
Thanks bro 
!!!
Sorry you’re dealing with that, Sarah. Can you get outside away from them, lol. My go to; run or ride away!!
Or have them go on an errand for you.
Hang in there!!
Wow I’m really proud of you for reaching out that’s awesome!!! Prayers for strength and peace heading your way!!!
How long will you be in there for, Rob? You’ll be fine, you’re going to have the best care and you’ll get it behind you.