Day 47. Got a 4k TV yesterday for use as a monitor for my work. Lying in bed thinking damn i bet porn looks good on that. Next thing i’m thinking about is smoking meth watching porn. Couldn’t sleep for hours.
Keep telling myself I have to mourn the old ways of life, that way only leads 1 way, downwards. Doesn’t stop the thoughts tho, and they always come late at night more than other times of the day.
Normally once this starts happening I start getting the thoughts every night, and end up a total wreck from not sleeping… then all my other things fall off the wagon (exercise, meditation, work etc) & it’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
So this time I’m going to be easy on myself and make sure I get my sleep in so I can in turn have the energy to exercise & work. Turned off the alarm this morning and slept in (I have that luxury in my current line of not-that employment). Feel good today. Mental health first
Checking in on day 10!!! Feels so good to be back in the double digits again. I am really feeling the benefits of sobriety this time, so much that when I think back to how pills made me feel, it makes me not want them anymore. They do not make me better like I think they do, they make everything worse. Have a Fantastic Friday everyone!!!
Checking in Dec 4th
Woke up
Its friday theres that im sober theres that
And guess what were going to go savage every minute today lets get it lets goooooo !!!
Day 305. So last night’s meeting happened to be exactly what I needed. It was literally a tape about doing the 4 and 5th step, and what to expect after. Some feel delighted which at first I did, but then alot of times most will feel very emotionally drained for the next several days. My sponsor said it’s working, your healing. I’m feeling emotionally drained bc I feel the world can see my defects now after sharing them to God and my sponsor, god is trying to remove my defects, but my unconsciousness, the old drunk demon in my head doesn’t want me to get rid of the defects. My sponsor said to just keep praying and keep trusting my higher power. It makes sense honestly. Faith without works is dead, I will keep the faith but I also have to keep working it. Much love everyone
So happy to hear man congrats on 305 days man thats SOLID i meant to ask you what are these steps that your taking im intrested and was wondering how do i go about it
Thanks man. It’s the 12 steps of alcoholic anonymous. You find a sponsor, who then helps work you through the steps. They are like your guide, you go them with pretty much any and all of your struggles. You become a team and he guides you through the 12 steps.
now when I first entered a.a at about 5 months sober, I was like ahh ok I’m already doing this it’s part of the process of sobriety, I was running around making ammends to ppl I shouldn’t of. But I wasn’t actually being honest with myself. Now that I’m actually working the steps, I have a much better understanding of myself and who I am as a person. It’s definitely worth doing the steps.
Man dude thanks for sharing this even tho im at a year of sobriety there is still much work thats need to be done on my part as far as healing goes dont know if you saw one of my earlier posts i might even get hooked up and talk to a therapist im looking for ways to become a better version of who i once was and your doing it man
Yeah man, I absolutely get it. That’s why I decided to take charge and do the steps, bc I kept bringing shit up, I kept holding resentmant, I didn’t know who I was… now I’m finally fixing that through the steps, just atm the 4th and 5th shook me up a bit.
A therapist is a good idea, I have two therapist as well. The reason the steps work with another alcoholic is bc believe it or not, we trust another alcoholic more then we ever would a therapist. I have had my therapist since day one of my sobriety, and still haven’t even told him the stuff I’ve told my sponsor, I told my sponsor shit I wouldn’t tell my mother. I trusted my sponsor, there is seriously something about talking to another alcoholic we just understand each other. And that’s why doing the steps with another alcoholic works. Definitely try it out man, it will help you get through alot of the healing you need, and being a year sober would be the best time. If I would of been in my earlier days I probably would of relpased while doing my steps, bc it hurt to see who I am. What I’ve done, what I’m afraid of. Who I’ve harmed. It hurt, but now I can move on and keep being the best person I can and not have to keep bringing up who I was when drunk
I’m still lying in bed. I’m getting ready to play some inspirational spiritual messages to set my mindset right (even though, I don’t necessarily feel it right now but that is what discipline is all about). I force the programming of affirmations into my mind even when my brain wants to continue the habit of negative thinking. Not today Satan! I AM in control of my thoughts and of what comes into and out of mind. I’m proud to be over 1 year and 4 months sober, I’m proud to be an active participant in my own life and growth. I am transforming daily. I am loved and give love. I am appreciative of those around me and this community. I am grateful for waking up and breathing yet another day. Today is a new day meaning that today is a new rebirth and beginning. Yesterday no longer exists, tomorrow may not even come so the next 24 hours (if gods willing), is all I have. Let’s be intentional and make the most of it. Amen.
Hi there, man I feel your pain about Christmas. I’m single too and the holiday season is never without struggle. Idk your family obviously, but generally people are good at keeping up appearances. You never know what’s going on behind the façade. I’m not wishing anyone ill or pulling anyone down by this, it’s just an observation.
I struggle a lot with self worth, since I don’t have a family nor a career/job. I do have messed up decisions and years I want to learn to believe these outward things do not define my worth as a person.
2020 has pulled another (not funny) prank on me and our ceiling now has a wet spot in one part of the house. The old me would have used it as an excuse to drink and then be pissed about it.
Today I’m just thankful I’m sober and have saved plenty of money by not spending it on booze, so this will end up being just a minor inconvenience.
Oh no! This happened in two spots in the house I just bought a year and a half ago!! My advice… if its overhead the bathroom, check the overflow valve to the bathtub. That was the culprit to one of our water spots. The other spot was in the garage and we have had that ceiling cut out twice and STILL the problem isnt fixed. Such a pain, I feel your pain. 2020 can suck it!!
Thanks!! I appreciate the info. Unfortunately it’s nowhere near a bathroom
Yeah I’m so ready for this year to be done. The wife and I were watching trashy reality TV last night and someone in the show said the only reason they would ever move from their home was if aliens invaded…I looked at my wife and said that people really shouldn’t joke about that with the way this year has been going
I guess you know it’s totally normal for therapy to be exhausting in the beginning. And not very “positive” either. I does get better but given how long stuff has been festering in you it’s not a quick fix. But I’m sure you know that too Anywho, I have faith in the process and that you will benefit from it. You deserve to be free from the things that haunt you
I met my new therapist last week and had to throw up all my issues and demons in a nutshell in 45 minutes interview. Mentally it’s like you’ve been hit by a train
i meant to ask you what are these steps that your taking im intrested and was wondering how do i go about it
Here’s to Day 7 
I want to learn to believe these outward things do not define my worth as a person.
You’re kicking ass working those steps man keep up all the hard work.
Anywho, I have faith in the process and that you will benefit from it. You deserve to be free from the things that haunt you 
