Hello, checking in and I’m at 45 days sober from alcohol. It’s a good day. Going to work on my dirt bike, take a load to Goodwill and work at 1630. Also, going to relax and get ready for a pre-race ride tomorrow. Please be safe everyone!
17 Likes
If you aren’t going to share your experience who will? When I was more active on this forum I shared my ups and downs. I tried to give as an accurate description of recovery as possible. Shitty days and achievements alike. The sharing was certainly therapeutic for me. But perhaps it helped other people as well.
17 Likes
Great to see you checkin in on 500, that’s huge so well done mate 
2 Likes
congrats on your personal best and remember it doesn’t matter how you feel it only matters what you do👍
2 Likes
yeh to one whole week 
2 Likes
Talk about what you like as long as it’s not abusive it’s all good buddy… if ppl don’t want to read about your AA experience they don’t have to. Talking helps, so i suggest you keep doing it. I personally like reading your journey.
5 Likes
Day 27. I slept!! I am going to start my evening/sleep earlier. I usually head in to bed at 11p and then I am still awake at 1am.
I woke up with an incredible amount of joy this morning. I was born a super joyful person. I was the baby that was always smiling and laughing. I was the same for about 10 years of life until I wasn’t. No one really liked that prepubescent spat of reality. I learned to be really good at faking it in order to be the person people wanted to see.
Now, I realize I can be a joyful person who also gets sad, contemplative, agitated, angry. I am learning to navigate those feelings, work through them, and circle back to joy again.
For those following along, this is a long process. Don’t look at 27 days and think that’s all it takes. I have been battling my demons for decades, working on me. Truthfully, though…the work has a significantly lower impact when you are still under the influence.
WTG, @Charlie_C! Three weeks!!! 
@Misokatsu Ah, Fleur! I hope the cat comes back.
@cwak - 14 isn’t the longest anymore! Keep on getting at it!
@MagicILY - Congrats on your week!
@Clarity - I have been quarantined and I can tell you, there is not one part of me that wants to go back into the grocery stores next week. Store to store, county to county. My city passed its first mask mandate since the beginning of the virus. Who’d have thought that selling groceries would be a stressful job?
@Jamie3 Congrats on two weeks!
@FeelingBetter = Three weeks, Jean! Yay!!!
@Ledmeyer53 - Welcome to the forum, my friend. I am glad you’re here!
@Mno - Menno, all your pictures have Amsterdam creeping up on my bucket list. I think it will be our first post-Covid destination.
@anon60334405 - Man, I don’t do AA, but I think that people who do should share it. Like Conor said, it might help others. You never know what’s going to stick with people. It’s also beneficial for you to just get it out. Not one person on this forum should be “keeping it to (them)self.”
20 Likes
I been staring at this for at least 5 minutes Dan
@Dan53 (cuz I can’t quote like normal people on here it don’t work for me.)
“406 days…
I woke up wanting to drink this morning, it was brief and i worked through it but it certainly reminded me that I WILL ALWAYS BE AN ALCOHOLIC. The good news is that i get to decide if I’m an active alcoholic or a recovering alcoholic.”
I want to comment on the horror of getting past 400 days and still waking up and wanting a drink. And just the fucking power of the addiction devil. Satan at his finest work. We will all always have to be on our guard.
But then the JOY of knowing “we get to decide!”
I’m glad you kick his ass again.
I don’t know. Just fixated on your post and wanted to comment on it.
9 Likes
OMG 
I’m so sorry Luisa. That must hurt so much. I cannot imagine your pain and betrayal. You don’t deserve that at all. No one does. I’m praying you are dealing with your emotions sober and that you will continue to know the sober you is the best you.
What a fucking asshole 
and a big hug.
2 Likes
I hesitate to post things like that because i don’t want people to think it’ll always be hard and discourage ppl. It’s rarely hard these days but it still happens once in a while which is why maintaining a connection with recovery is so important. In the end we’re all just doing our best to go to bed sober. You’re doing awesome my friend!
8 Likes
Luisa im sorry to hear that 
i hope you feel better the pain wont last forever make the best decision you think will be the best follow your heart theres many fish in the sea 
and this one is flip flopping throw em out
1 Like
Nov 5 2020
Life live it you only get one .
Go after your dreams and goals
Achieve and dont stop keep working dont get tired much to do healing is essential in healthy decisions IM A MACHINE 
Thats all for today.
5 Likes
Awesome thank you @Piglet . Yes Faith has been co fronting with another alter named Sage. And the only way I can tell when we’re not together is the way that her interaction with me turns very cold and uncaring. At times Faith will let me know that she’s feeling what she calls “blendy” which means another alter is pushing into the front. Other times I don’t think Faith realizes that someone has come to the front and she doesn’t know it or thinks it’s her feeling these things when from the outside I can tell it isn’t Faith. Any conversation about what I’m feeling during these times is met with zero consideration of my feelings and zero compassion or empathy. It’s tough but the times when Faith is Faith… priceless. The most intense and beautiful relationship I’ve ever been in. Thank you for the support Graham and that’s cool we have the same date! Here’s to coming up on six months hell yeah!!! Have a great day!! 
4 Likes
@TeejLazer congrats on 500! 
@MagicILY congrats on 2 weeks, and the many accomplishments along the way 
@Drave welcome and congrats on 6 days
@Jamie3 congrats on 2 weeks
@FeelingBetter congrats on 3 weeks Hope Skiing was fun
@Tommo I resonate with that, I get rage outbursts but only on my own and it’s when things don’t work right and reflecting on that I can see that’s my internalised feelings of inadequacy for not being able to fix said things.
@Charlie_C congrats on 3 weeks
@Luisa53 Sorry to hear this, betrayal is the worst, sending strength, cut all contact and never look back!
@cwak congrats on 2 weeks
@802 you’re back, that’s what matters now, congrats on 2 days
85 days no Cocaine.
But - I got to 7 months 11 days with no smoking and at 8pm last night I bought a packet, I’m now on my 2nd packet. I knew I was going to end up resetting atleast one of my counters this week, the multitude of cravings was unbearable. I hate being an addict and always needing something , I hate how my mood has been so much better since that first cig last night, I hate that I feel really content and relaxed, despite not getting out for any walks today, despite having zero sleep last night, because I was awake all night smoking cigarettes. I tried so hard not to buy another packet, only lasted 3.5hrs. I don’t want to buy any more. I need to find something else to add into my sober days. I just wish I could find something that lifts my mood and takes the tension away like these things I don’t want to be doing does (smoking, binge-eating). I feel embarrassed so I’ll leave it there today.
22 Likes
Checking in, day 30. I’m being depressed recently. Sometimes I have the feeling that my brain got used to having problems so much, that normal life just looks boring - although there’s nothing I would wish more than having normal days. I have troubles to solve and I’m bored at the same time. It would be good to switch my brain off for a day.
@CATMANCAM I can so relate to that! There are so many sources of danger out there and we always have to be on standby to recognize and avoid them. This constant battle and alertness can be so exhausting.
Unfortunately there is no such thing. We are used to finding an exit from our troubles immediately, any time we want, but in real life there are no loopholes, we just have to live our lives no matter how crap it is. We have to accept that being sober is a different world with different rules and we cannot check out because we may not be able to come back.
15 Likes
Welcome. Keep checking in daily. 
Thank you, this is very true about about always wanting to escape the uncomfortable, because that’s what we’ve been doing most of our lives. I used to escape by working 3 jobs and never having time to sit with my feelings, but now I can’t work. Since being unable to work from January this year, I was using up until 85 days ago, so I guess for the first time since I took my first drink at age 12, I’m forced to feel everything. There is much uncertainty in my life for the forseeable, and a lot of impending and unwanted change, and these things have always been difficult for me. I think I will try to find a creative outlet, I used to enjoy being creative, even though I’m not talented, it’s the process that counts. Thank you for helping me to reflect, and congrats on your 30 days
6 Likes
I wish that everyone knew on Day 1 how amazing this choice is, how powerful. So many go into it with FOMO or shame. Having choice is a gift, a damn super power!
5 Likes
Day 70. I got up early and got my errands done and voted in our runoff election. Made it home just in time to take a walk with Max before the rain started. Now that all this running around is done, I can just do laundry and read and climb into bed early. Tomorrow, there’s nothing on the schedule except walks with Max and maybe baking some cookies.
Reading through everyone’s posts, it seems like a lot of us have the end of year, early winter blahs. I don’t know about everyone else, but I always tend to struggle during this part of the year. The days are short, the weather is weird, and the holidays can be stressful with family and friends (even if you don’t celebrate). I am so proud of all of us for staying sober even during these trying times.
@anon60334405, I’m sorry you’re struggling. I really hope you will share your thoughts with us. Reading your updates has meant a lot to me over the past couple of months.
@Luisa53, I nearly cried when I read your posts. I went through a very similar thing nearly two years ago. Take a deep breath and remember you’re strong, and that you deserve so much more than what your ex was offering you. You deserve honesty and faithfulness in a partner, and I’m glad you’re not settling for less.
@Tomek congratulations on 30 days! I’m so glad you’re here with us!
22 Likes