Nearing the end of day 14. I’ve had a successful day, but here are a few interesting things I’ve noticed. You’re all welcome to speak into these…
The intensity of the emotions. Whatever I’m feeling, it seems so much stronger than it has in the past. Whether it be anger, stress, or happiness, the emotions are very obvious.
Had my first suicidal thought today in a very long time. This took me by surprise and it was in the middle of an extremely stressful moment. It came and went within an hour, but it was there.
I still haven’t had a conversation with my wife about my life change. She isn’t a drinker, so it’s not like anything she’s doing would hinder what I’m doing. But part of me wants to have the conversation. I’m very hesitant to speak about it with her. I feel ashamed and embarrassed whenever I’m about to bring it up, so then I choose not to say anything. I don’t think she would condemn me or really respond negatively at all. But the voice in my head just nags me … what if I say something to her about it and then fail at some point down the road? What if she scoffs at me on the inside? I know the WHAT IFS are stupid and have no place in moving forward with sobriety, but they are strong in this part of my journey.
About the third point: if you tell her, she will have a lot better understanding about what’s going on with you and it’s important not just for your sobriety but for your relationship as well. You can change, you can struggle, you can have problems with anger management - if she knows the reason she can understand and support you. Otherwise you will be distancing from her and it is the worst when the doubts and cravings come later on. Isolation is the worst, connection is the key, even if it feels scary and risky. You risk more by not telling her imo.
@Luisa53 that is totally messed up, you must be feeling all kinds of feelings, hugs💕. Now is the time to be strong and sober. @cwak as alcoholics we are used to hiding, lying, sneaking. Being open and truthful is very uncomfortable for us. But with our closest family the freedom of honesty is so refreshing
Still no cat. I got upset because I was asking neighbors showing a picture of the cat with my daughter, really reminded me what a loved member of the family he had become
Got teary and because I was trying to hold it in because it would make the children upset, gave myself a splitting headache, even vomited, it felt just like a terrible hangover. Not the best weekend.
This is my first time checking in.
Day 8-alcohol
Day 5- cigarettes
I realized today after getting in my thoughts that there is a difference between trying to quit and committing to quitting. I have tried to quit more times than I can count over the years. But when I realized all those times of trying to quit, well, that’s all I did. Try. And failed repeatedly.
What’s changed now, is that I am committed this time to quitting. For the first time in my life I’ve taken active steps to fight this. I think being active in the recovery process, is a game changer. I can’t just try to quit and that’s it. Knowledge is power, and I’m absorbing all the info I can, to be as strong as possible mentally. One day at a time.
Back to day 2 I dont have to look at why its cos I wanted to and so I did but I do want to drink moderately and unfortunately that didnt happen. I blacked out at 430am my wife found me passed out on the sofa how on earth I didnt throw up I dont know and it’s a miracle she got me to bed. I just could not speak to her I was gone totally a zombie a walking brain dead idiot. So here I am again back to day 2 now booze and cigs cos as usual I smoked whilst bladdered. I know what I need to do to no drink and I’m gonna do it cos I’m sick of almost killing myself with drink then losing a day after recovering it’s all a mess that I hate and it can piss off now.
Woman’s/man’s best friend, and baking
cookies It doesn’t get better than that. Except maybe throw in a cat or 3. And a blueberry pie. Congrats on your 70 days.
@Misokatsu. I was hoping to check in here tonight and read your kitty came home. That was a let down. I feel really bad for you and your kids. But let’s not lose hope.
Sorry second check in of the day but I thought it would be cool to share. So I went on a short hike today and there was a smaller trail to my right that my gut feeling was telling me to take. So I did and at the end of this short trail was this…
Hi All, checking in on Day 8 no alcohol! Relaxing day with my boyfriend. Slept in. Baked bread. Watched some tv. Made homemade pizza dough (my new favorite hobby, haha). Talked to my sister on the phone. It was snowy, grey, and rainy day here, but I enjoyed just a simple day inside…and a little walking in the snow with my dog. I didn’t do all my normal daily routines (like meditating and writing) but it felt ok to lose a little structure for a weekend day.
I also made my wine “substitute” tonight for a special treat. It’s a little juice (I used pomegranate), n/a orange bitters and n/a black walnut bitters, and sparkling water. Tonight I used cranberry clementine seltzer and it was tasty.
Hope everyone’s doing all right this Saturday evening!!
I hear you! The intensity of emotions hit me like a ton of bricks and used to make me drink again during my previous attempts to stay sober. I often don’t really know what to do about them. I acknowledge I feel sad/afraid/angry/tired/happy as part of the human experience and … just feel instead of numbing myself. I like to think of it as a learning experience, maybe it’ll help me to find some of the things I always looked for at the bottom of a wine bottle? I’ll let you know how it goes😅
About being suicidal … I’m sorry you feel that way and I’m glad you reach out. I had a lot of those thoughts while drinking and there are much less of them now. I quit drinking partly because I was afraid I might drink up the courage to do something one day. Huge motivator to stay sober!
I’m with Tomek about talking to your wife … it might be helpful for her to know what you are going through. It’s always better to have all the support you can get!
I don’t know if any of this was helpful, but good job on reaching out and 14 days
Day 296~ All is good in the hood. But ya things have been real chill lately and nothing too insane to report. I have notice I’ve been a little more depressed lately but I think its a seasonal thing. I really hate winter and being cold. Also the holidays stress me the F out! I’m trying not to be a negative Nancy and just enjoy each day for what it is. I’m learning to take the good with the bad. It’s a hard lesson understanding things will not always be perfect or what I picture it to be in my head. I know that some things I just cannot control and have to just let it work itself out. I have so many things to be thankful for and my blessings definitely outweigh anything negative.
It doesn’t get better than that. Except maybe throw in a cat or 3. And a blueberry pie. 
Congrats on your 70 days.
goodnight yall 
But ya things have been real chill lately and nothing too insane to report. I have notice I’ve been a little more depressed lately but I think its a seasonal thing. I really hate winter and being cold. Also the holidays stress me the F out! I’m trying not to be a negative Nancy and just enjoy each day for what it is. I’m learning to take the good with the bad. It’s a hard lesson understanding things will not always be perfect or what I picture it to be in my head. I know that some things I just cannot control and have to just let it work itself out. I have so many things to be thankful for and my blessings definitely outweigh anything negative.
