Day 194 clean and sober today. I am embracing what the universe is telling me and am letting go of things that bring me down and rob me of my energy. Today I choose to extend love and light to everyone that comes across my path. Have a great day everyone, love you guys! 
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Thatās ok by you, lol!
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@Charlie_C congratulations on the news of a 2nd Grandchild on the way 
@Thirdmonkey congrats on 3 weeks smoke-free
@Hidden congrats on 400+
@Claire welcome back and keep checking in
Thank you for the kind words after my post last night 
103 days.
Iāve spent most of today working on a job application, itās not the one I was planning to apply for, itās actually a different one that I feel would be perfect for me, itās for a Dual Diagnosis (Mental Health and Substance Misuse) Support and Outreach Worker position for my local healthcare system. I have personal experience with mental illnesses and obviously addiction, and feel strong in my recovery journeys, I also have 9 years of experience as a support and outreach worker in various areas, so I think Iād make a good candidate. Iāve completed all the other parts of the application, and saved it, so tomorrow morning I can fully focus on the 1500 word personal statement about how I meet all of the criteria and what makes me stand out from the rest of the applicants. Selling myself is not my strong point, but Iām going to write the best application Iāve ever written 
It is a very cold and rainy day here in my city, Iāve been freezing cold even with a onesie and thermal socks on under my duvet the past few hours, Iām relaxed though, and feeling positive about potentially having a new job to dedicate myself too, one that I believe I could actually be good at, whilst still fulfilling my caring tendencies, and helping people recover from 2 illnesses I thought Iād never survive. I couldnāt want more from a job.
Iād like to say congratulations for everyone here thatās working on their recovery. Iāve been actively trying to recover for over a year now, and there wasnāt a single day that went by where I wasnāt desperately fighting this disease, Iām so grateful something finally clicked, I feel a million worlds away from the shell of a person I was just over 3 months ago, whilst knowing Iām not safe at any moment. Sobriety is my #1 priority, itās the only way it works for me.
Sending strength to anyone whoās struggling 
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That sounds like a perfect job for you. And such an important job. A great way to give back and you have the personal experience to go with it. Very invaluable. Will try and remember to pray for you to get that job. Iām only human I could forget.
How is Mr Prince?
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Thank you so much. Iāll be praying too. Heās doing okay at the moment, seems content bless him, he wonāt let me look at the ābubbleā above his canine that the vet noticed though, I try every day, sometimes I manage to apply some anti-sceptic gel too, but he just wonāt let me lift his lip high enough to check the bubble, heās so stubborn, but I love him so much! Iāll keep trying
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Day 107: Weāre hanging in there. My buddy is such a good boy. Thankfully the meds and our vigilant watch are keeping our old boy calm and comfortable, from what we can discern. He is sleeping most of the time but still comes by and leans in for his favorite hugs and squeezes. My husband read an article once that said dogs donāt like hugs and we said, āChooch likes hugs!ā Because he loves them! I do believe the article was referring to how people allow children to clamber all over dogs when it is invading their space and it isnāt safe, which is a whole ānother issue.
Iām feeling pretty confident in sobriety but not overly so. There is an amount of booze in the house that amazes me, and I have no urges or temptation. I bought and cooked with it, which was a huge step for me, personally. Especially opening a bottle of red and not using the whole bottle, leaving it in the pantry for the next cooking application and not quaffing the remainder. You can do that? Well, I did it. Amazing. My husband made rum balls and holy cow are they powerful. I took one whiff and my stomach turned. No thanks. For the record, I think he made them incorrectly but I was hands off on that operation. This is where the not being overly confident piece comes in. If that booze in the house ever feels like a problem or too challenging to my sobriety, my husband and I have discussed that down the drain or gifted elsewhere it goes. It hasnāt been that long ago that there was always a glass of wine close by while I cooked. I can reminisce about that, but that time has been and gone and I feel at peace about it. It wasnāt how I was raised, either, so itās not like I feel Iām betraying some family tradition. My parents did not have alcohol in the house when we were small and then as teens my folks had wine at fancy dinners on rare occasions or for dinner guests. But they rarely had guests. Nowadays my dad doesnāt drink and my mom sips so slowly on 5 oz of red wine that it used to be painful to watch. Dad has a history of depression, chronic pain and self medicating with alcohol. Iāve been called my fatherās daughter more than once, and even inherited his āstrikingā profile. When I came clean to my parents over the phone about my problem with drinking before I went to the ER a couple years ago, I could not have asked for a more supportive and loving response. I wish I could say thatās when I stopped, but it absolutely was a huge step in that direction for me. Gosh. Iāve rambled. Iāve had a lot of time for the mind to wander and itās the season for reminiscing. Point is, I feel a lifestyle shift to non-drinker during this former season of drinking and it strengthens my resolve even more. Open communication and frequent check ins with my husband are crucial at this time and with the stressors we have going on. Just living in this time is a stressor. Hang tight everyone. If youāre here reading and maybe even joining in, youāve really got something good on your side. Love out to you. 
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What a wonderful share. For some reason it makes me want to send you a hug.
Hope you donāt mind.
Itās just that sometimes I feel like we are in the same boat.
Spouse that drinks. My dad self medicated all my life as a child. And I know all about āquaffingā. 
havenāt heard anyone use that word for a few years.
Glad Chucho is maintaining his health the best he can.
First Christmas without our crutch. Here we come.
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Thank you for your kind replies and support. As a brief strategic psychotherapist I am used to being there for everyone else too so being in a Tier 4 and off work at the moment from school having to reflect is nothing but good - looking forward to being my happier version of myself very soon and thank you again for the support! ā¦ what a year and sending everyone on here love and positive energy
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Thanks, Eric. I gratefully accept your hug. Send them freely! 
I do see lots of parallels there and am glad we are getting through this with support. I appreciate yours.
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@Thirdmonkey congratulations on 3 weeks.
@TSan āBread not boozeā sounds so fun. Iām looking forward to seeing updates and wish I could be your taste tester!
@Claire. Welcome back. Please know that youāre not alone and weāre all here for you. Embrace this time and allow others to be there for you.
@liv_m WOW!!! Those are some amazing numbers you have behind you 
@anon60334405 Your progress is truly inspiring.
@CATMANCAM Awesome job starting the application. Any place would be lucky to have you.
@RosaCanDo Such an amazing accomplishment to be able to have the booze around and to be able to set boundaries around the same. Your strength and courage during this time is outstanding and doesnāt go unnoticed.
190 days. To say Iām struggling is probably putting it mildly. Iām sitting here reading through TS with my coffee trying not to lose my shit. My oldest stepdaughterās anger has resurfaced and my efforts to not engage crumbled this morning. Yesterday she again drew some hateful drawings and wrote me notes telling me I needed to move out of her Dadās room or else. The drawings depict me bleeding and/or being dead. Last night I chose to ignore them and crumpled and tore them up placing them in the garbage. Iām aware her fear of ālosing her Dadā is what drives her anger but deflecting her anger is exhausting. This morning I caught her telling her 3 year-old sister that she too should hate me because I hate them both. I stormed into the bedroom and basically told her I have had enough of her shit. Sat her down and told her that I wasnāt going to tolerate her lil game any longer and I definitely wasnāt going to allow her to drag her lil sister into this crap. I told her that I love her and her sister and that if she wanted to be stuck in these ugly feelings sheās hurting herself. I told her she makes it hard for me to be nice to her when she is so mean to me. I told her that I would have no problem taking back the gifts I got her for Christmas. I left her bedroom seeing red and then bawled my head off out of sight & ear shot. My man is still sleeping and Iām not sure if I even want to bring this up when heās awake. I know it wonāt help anything and I know I wonāt pick up but I would rather be sitting in a drunken fog than sitting where I am right now.
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Hi Jenna. Good to see you back here again. Well done on 180 days!! It really doesnāt matter what your flatmate says (I donāt know her obviously but I doubt she will kill you in your sleep. The cat maybe.
).
I hope you enjoy tomorrow. You donāt have to do anything, nothing at all. You choose how you spend each hour, and have some relaxation time to yourself. Santa might buy you some candles and bath bombs. 
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Yeah itās the first time Iāve ever got a gift for her. I held such resentment toward her and finally see how dumb that was not even for me, but through doing that I was showing the girls the totally wrong way to love someone.
Yes the girls come home today and I have them all the way till Friday evening :). Iām very excited, Iām gonna make little santa clause foot prints out of flower. Set them up a nice Coco cups with chairs for them in the morning
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Wow I am sorry you are going through this. How old is the stepdaughter? Man I know kids donāt like it when step parents come in the picture, but thatās really a tough situation. I use to be mean to my step dad and step mom as well and did w.e to get them out. Sorry I donāt have any great advice but I hope it gets better? Can you guys all go and have a nice girls day? Get your nails done? Or go sliding if there is snow. I know itās hard to preach something when kids are being so rotten, but just keep trying to kill her with kindness, which Iām sure u are. But with the drawings, thatās tough because yeah u have to set some boundaries
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Thank you x wow that sounds so very tough and you were so brave to set tight boundaries and stand your ground even though she is a child - from my experience she will respect you if you remain constant with your love and boundaries - so difficult but you sound as though your strength was shining through. Be kind to yourself and know those times we are using tough love it shows we really DO care! Xx
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I love Russell brand. I listen/ watch his you tubes every time he posts every week. He is brilliant.
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Charlie; I just noticed I wrote wife instead of daughter, lol. 
You knew what I meant!
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One week today. Feels good. Iāve been researching the liver a lot. I find myself very lucky that I havenāt done any damage to mine yet, as of November this year when I had my physical. Iām trying to get my health back. If thatās not something to stay clean for then I donāt know what is. 
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Well done, lady!!! Youāre making so many big choices for your future. Congrats to you. Glad to see you here.
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Oh no. I am so sorry to hear of this, especially right around the holidays. It sounds like you have been making a good effort and thatās all you can keep doing. I understand wanting the drunk fog but itās only a temporary fix for problems. Good job staying sober and allowing yourself to feel your feelings. Itās hard but they will pass and you will feel better. Hugs for you.
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