Today dear people, I have struggled… I woke up thinking I’d had oxi, the dream was so intense.
I woke up sobbing, sobbing because I’d took the drug but I hadn’t, my addictive brain had been playing games on me.
So I’m sober but can feel that dull sensation of depression getting hold of me…
My appetite has gone again, the fact I sat on the couch for two hours doing nothing but crying. These are the days I avoid talking to anyone but right now I need a connection to carry on.
Being on you own all the time is so quiet and cruel to a person.
I can’t remember the last time I was hugged or even touched lovingly.
I know I won’t give in but just today I admit I’m struggling with even wanting to be here.
Big huge congrats to you on your year. Your raw emotion is beautiful and a testament to the progress you have made in becoming more whole. Felicidades!
@Benroth congrats on your week @Jonachav123 congrats on your soberversary @zzz congrats on 30 days @Olivia congrats on triple-digits @manuk3r congrats on your week @manishc congrats on 3 weeks @Salty congrats on triple-digits so sorry to hear of your losses and now more illness, sending strength @apes2020 congrats on 40 days @Misokatsu congrats on 5 months @RosaCanDo sending hugs and strength
Day 125: Last night was horrible. But we all made it through. The time has come to say goodbye to my buddy Chucho and my heart is breaking but it will be such a relief to end his profound suffering. We will be calling the vet first thing in the morning tomorrow. I find myself dealing with some swirling thoughts of drinking and the thoughts feel intrusive and obsessive. I just keep telling myself I choose sobriety. Nothing will be made better by drinking. It is a simple choice. I was looking back at my old topics and found my post from 4 months ago at the start of this sober stretch. It was good to read and remember, and I decided to start putting more thoughts down there. I might keep that up, but I still will be checking in here everyday. It’s an essential part of my recovery and helps me stay on track. I am so so so filled with gratitude for my TS community. Those of you who have been so generous with your love and support…I wouldn’t be here and handling things as well as I am without you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Chucho has felt your love through me, too.
If you want to read more Rosa musings, visit me here:
Sending you a massive hug, you bright, beautiful, strong woman. There is so much strength in vulnerability, and you continue to teach me how to find it within myself in every post. Hang in there, your friends are here.
Really happy to see you here Danni. Wish I could give you a hug in person even though I’m nott a natural hugger at all in fact I might be the worst hugger in history, always scared of physical contact unless it is in some contact sport… I hereby promise to be a better one once this whole mess is over and hugging is once again possible and allowed. In fact it should be obligatory. Love you girl.
Congratulations my friend! The feelings of hitting a year are amazing. I’m sure your dad is proud of you, the accomplishment is amazing. Celebrate your enormous accomplishment.
@Mickymo congrats on 80 days @AllyP congrats on double digits @nwags congrats on your week @jjcarson92 congrats on your soberversary @Sanuk congrats on your week @stop.the.ride congrats on your month @Lstlouie congrats on 3 months @anon27760155 sending hugs and strength @RosaCanDo just seen your more recent post and I’m sending so much strength to you, almost had me in tears, much love to Chucho
5 months no alcohol.
120 days no cocaine.
I only realised I missed my check-in yesterday when I came here to check in today and saw 282 posts to read through! I did however visit a friend for a couple of hours and got home at dinner time, and I usually check-in before that so that must be how I missed it.
I’ve been quite restless and down today, really struggling without the walks so before I came here today I got back up, put my trainers on, and went out for a walk in the dark for 15mins. It has helped massively Going to stick with that once or twice a day. On Thursday I have my appointment with the Podiatrist so will hope for some professional advice about the PF going forwards.
I finished the self-esteem book today and swapped it for a new one called Principles Of Happiness, by the same author. Hoping it’s another easy and hopeful read
442… I just came across a perfect tempature unopened can of Miller Lite… I’ve drank thousands of them, it was my beer. This was a fear of mine earlier in sobriety because i could chug it, nobody would know. I showed it to my wife and dumped it.
I’d be lying if i said it didn’t fuck with me but the important thing is remaining strong enough to say no to the one that matters. That one beer would fucking destroy me and I know it. I remember how bad it was like it was yesterday, i don’t think I’ll ever forget.
The point of this post i guess is that this shit will pop up on us when it is least expected and catch us off guard, so stay vigilant, remain strong.
Excersise with kids at home is a struggle. I hear you. I walk outside lots too, with my school aged kids, but it’s winter where I am and cold. Have fun with your crochet and good luck to you too! Congrats on your 7 days!
49 days. It’s crazy how you could be feeling so strong about not drinking, then life throws some random curve ball as a test. I passed my test so I’m happy with myself today instead of feeling ashamed and stupid.
It’s a beautiful sunny day so I’m going to longboard for a few hours and enjoy my day, sober.
I did however visit a friend for a couple of hours and got home at dinner time, and I usually check-in before that so that must be how I missed it.
Going to stick with that once or twice a day. On Thursday I have my appointment with the Podiatrist so will hope for some professional advice about the PF going forwards.
