Day 214 clean and sober today. I am feeling a lot better physically and am hoping to be healed by the 21st so I can return to work. I hope everyone has a great day, love you guys!!! 
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@anon27700620ā¦ I like that you joined the group. That means you have courage to begin. Thats a damn beautiful quality. I like that you speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. You are their ally and I think that shows integrity and compassion. I couldnāt even begin to imagine the fear of not being able to tell someone what I need. I also think you care so much about others but you are scared to do the same for yourself. That you work so much may be a distraction, but its also what your current purpose is. You have purpose.
I like that you have passion, anger, hate, it shows you can carry emotions, even if right now those emotions are crowding the room. You have it. I like it, its fuel.
I call the things in my life I dont want others or myself to see ādirty windowsā. I crave the sunlight but fear what it will show when it shines through my dirty windows. The dust, the grime, the lumps under the rug that I have hidden away. My journey has been so many years of fuckery and too many times I get into my own head space and it become all consuming. I think I am the only one. I appreciate when someone takes me of my pedistal and tells me to sit down. I am not the only person in the world with a fucked up story ā¦ it makes me feel less isolated (again, about meā¦big head and all that).
Every day since Dec 21st I have asked myself if today I want to clean a window or let it go. Many days I just need to let it go, I am not ready to face it. And some days I commit to cleaning it and facing it.
Face a dirty window today @anon27700620. Just a really small one. My first dirty window was taking a shower and washing my hair and just appreciate what it felt like to be clean again. I wish you the very best on your journeyā„ļø
Forgive the spelling errorsā¦ my next mission is to install spell check on the platform.
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If you knew me better, you wouldnāt be so happy that Iām in the group.
Iām no oneās ally, and Iām far too empty to have much in the way of integrity or compassion.
Iām not afraid to tell anyone what I need, I just donāt care what I need, and I certainly canāt imagine why anyone else would care either.
I donāt think that someone who hates himself as much as I do really has much capacity to care about others very much. I pretty much just try to stay away from everyone, so as to avoid doing them any harm (I donāt mean physical harm).
I wish that I had no emotions. Having no emotions at all would be better than what I have now.
I donāt know what made me decide to write something on the forum today, I donāt very often because nothing that I have to say could possibly be of any worse or interest.
Even worse, when I do say something (invariably depressing), usually prompts nice people to try to say something nice in my general directionā¦ Which makes me feel like a shit more than usual.
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Ahhh. you just called me niceā¦ I knew I could turn it around to be about me.
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Thatās better than it being about a shit like me.
The little tiger likes to aattck my face with kisses in the am and if I ignore him or set him down too soon he bites my calf until I pick him up. Yes, we both know who the alpha is in our relationship.
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Awe, your so sweetā¦ and MAGIC 
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Doing well today. Went to an in person 7am meeting. Got the day started good!
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210 days. . .Holy shit Iāve made it to 7 months. My journey has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride but has been filled with lessons and blessings. I honestly donāt know where I would be without TS and all you amazing people here. @Dragonflygirl82 you hit the nail right on the head. Less expecting and more accepting has been key.
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Checking in sober, Day 371. Today is 53 weeks, 1 week into my 2nd year of sobriety! Started the day feeling tired and cranky, but after a Recovery Dharma meeting with a wonderful meditation Iām in much better spirits. Wishing everyone a wonderful Tuesday!!
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Thank you, Beth!! Itās people like you that have made this possible. I wouldnāt be where I am today without this forum. Iām very grateful for all the love and support from each and everyone of you. 
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Thanks Laura, not so shabby yourself!
Blessings and sobriety!
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@Lisa07 that was some pretty inspiring shit right there. I saw alot if peace and calm come out of you, so Iād say sobriety gave you exactly what you were looking for :). And good job on that raise. As for the water breaking blame it on that bitch Carol Baskin. Much love
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Checking in day 120
Girlfriend is out for work too for every week days of the next month. It is hard. I have to wrestle the idea of drinking right from lunch break - like right now. Itās weird. I had a outpatient counseling appointment yesterday and talking more about my relation to alcohol (which Iāve been putting aside a lot during Christmas time because I was in vacation enjoying life with my gf) well talking about it yesterday made me want to drink more. Itās like sometime I come on here as a reflex, to catch up on this thread and see what are the new threads and stuff, and I get ātriggeredā by some posts talking about drinking. I hate that I am still that sensitive to it because thereās still a part of me who want to get wasted. But I donāt want to reinforce this part of me anymore - it has caused enough damages. But damn I hate that I still have to wrestle the idea of drinking secretly while I am alone at home.
The only way I found to go out of this is to redirect my thoughts and actions towards some activities that I want to do and make me feel good and proud of myself. But it sometimes feel like I am just escaping temporarily the relapse. I hate that I still sometimes think āI am going to have to relapse, this is too muchā even if I donāt want it - a part of me still believe this.
Fuck this part of me.
Sobriety rocks more. Itās hard, but I rather choose the sober hard than the drunk ass hard.
Sorry I guess I needed to vent a little.
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Day 344. Not much to report today. A little tired, but im chill. loving the simple life. Have a good day all you cool cats and kittens 
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900!!! Whoop whoop!!!
Oh Conor, youāre such a joy to be around! Ya eejit 
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Fantastic to read first thing this morning Michelle
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