Happy New Year’s eve to all !!!
Day 349 almost over. I had a fantastic morning. A real nice afternoon. Prayed did readings. Ate well. Talked with family and friends. Asked Shannon my coffee date from the other day out again and we made plans for Saturday evening.
Then the shit hit the fan in the evening after dinner. Honestly I still haven’t fully emotionally recovered.
I’m clean and sober and will remain that way.
An eventual shouting match between myself and a client that I wish I could have walked away from took place. If the guy hadn’t gotten on his feet and threatened to start throwing things I would have stopped and/or walked away. The threat of violence got my back up and I dug my heels in. Eventually I did walk away once others and the solitary staff member gave me the look, I knew the look, Brian your right but this idiot can’t be argued with …fricking juice monkey alpha wanna be type douche bag that he is, damn. I’m still pissed about it want to crush his dreams and his poor … wow ok too much, this coming from someone whos been trying very hard and I guess partly failing to be more spiritual ahhjhhhhhh testosterone mixed with ego can kinda suck sometimes. sorry terrible and i didn’t even go into detail. He’s been bullying people for months so I have let it build instead of dealing with it. He even tried some fake appology bullshit later. So normally he is alright with me because I treat people good there and help alot, including him at times. It started simply as I told him No I’m not stopping my game and moving to another room we’ll stop when its meeting time, and instantly he turned on me and threatened to throw the game board. I was already tired and my ego got right in the way. still is, damn it. hate knowing that and feeling like there’s nothing I can do…
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen…
These are the times I wish some of the other clients from supportive housing like myself, with more experience and clean time were around. To show support and talk me and him down before it became a thing. I’m on my own there eighty plus percent of the time, with clients still working on there first zero to ninety days, which in and of itself is great I fully support that part… but couple all that on a new years eve, in all male treatment facility, stressors waiting to blow… I’m there trying to help cook and support and attend twelve step meetings getting this shit thrown at me. I’m not sure if i I should just let It go. Gonna sleep on it as I’m scheduled to make supper there tomorrow.
I was trying so hard to wind down this day for the positive cause that’s what I feel myself, my family and friends deserve after a crazy year. As my/our friend @Dazercat said in gratitude this morning and I paraphrase go fuck yourself 2020.
God bless you all. Thanks again for listening you all rock. Wishing you all 
&
this day and always. Please I don’t usually ask this, actually this may be a first. A few prayers sent my way may help and would be appreciated.
