Checking in daily to maintain focus #24

[Mno]

Sorry if my respons is canned, but you seem to see a correlation between drinking and your life being better, and vice versa between being sober and you’re life being a shitshow. I can assure you there is no such correlation. As you know I know. Still.
Also life doesn’t get better being sober. The possibilities of doing something about life do. As you know too sorry. My depression broke through close to the one year mark.

@Fury

now I’m barely scratching the surface of making progress.

Ain’t that the truth. That’s fucking life. Life sucks. It’s exactly where I am still at right now and I got the better part of a year on you. It’s what it is. Life is shit and we have to work like hell to make it a little bit better without any guarantee of that actually happening. IMO the choice we have is not accepting the status quo And the only way and chance we have to make it better is WORK…
The choice we have is this: To say fuck and forget it all and drown ourselves in every substance possible until we die from it. OR we fight and work and gravel and grit our teeth and also cry and scream and moan about our fucking hard lives, but we keep going one day at a time yes one day at a time because some of these platitudes ar the truth. We fight. We work. We live. And it’s OK to have bad times to, to be depressed, to feel anxiety. Good and bad. Being together here makes it all a bit more bearable. Another cliché. Not saying sorry for it because it is true. Take care friend.

[MrsOdh]

Congratulations, that’s an amazing achievement

[anon74766472]

Day 797. Just finished my online appointment with my psy. I cried and sobbed. It was good. I talked a lot. When I started writing, as usual, I wanted to write more but it’s stuck in my mind.
When it comes to me, I am black and white, most of the times black. When it comes to people I value and they disappoint me, I am impulsive and tend to destroy the relationship. Black again. She said which I found a good go. Between black and white there is not grey but the rainbow. The rainbow needs black clouds and sunshine to be seen. Now, I am done for the day. Sipping my 3rd hot chocolate or so.

[Thirdmonkey]

1023. 39 days tobacco free. I lost 9 pounds this week…that is about all I got from this week. Still sober!

[MrsOdh]

I’m here, I’m alive and I’m sober.
At least right now.
Day 132

Same shit again kids can’t sleep, I can’t sleep. Slept about 3 hours this night and dreamed about relapsing. Unfortunately it wasn’t one of these horrible dreams where you wake up nervous that you broke your sober journey. It was a nice romanticized dream that didn’t only included alcohol. I can’t even remember when I dreamed something like that the last time.
Waking up realizing it was all a dream and that I’m clean and sober actually made me a bit mad.

An email recommendation from my professor that I should apply to study for one term or even a year abroad didn’t help. We can’t choose between to many places though so London would have been my first choice. Studying on a university in London wouldn’t have been bad. Like a dream. Talked to my husband about it quickly and he got upset because I want to leave him alone with the kids.

Still couldn’t forget about my dream so I decided to do some exercise and take a shower. I cleaned the upstairs bathroom yesterday and now it looked nuked, laundry everywhere, trash everywhere, makeup, not flushed and so on. Told my husband it’s all on his responsibility now. Got out in the kitchen where tweenie already had taken all the bread that was left. 6 slices, no one else had any breakfast yet so I asked if it would have hurt to ask if anyone else wanted a sandwich. She got mad, and then she got more mad when I told her to get dressed properly. She had shorts that honestly fits more like a belt. Because we’re having people over.

A close family friend, he has a deep gambling problem, always had, always will probably. And today he was deep down in misery because they got to know that their 14 y/o is doing drugs. So he’s taking her here and I’m the one supposed to talk to her. Not really the right day to do that or maybe it actually is. He’s also taking the 8 y/o for my boys to play with out in the snow.

So as you can hear, it’s the same soap opera as usual here, even if it doesn’t include any relatives by blood this time.

It’s just a bad day, and I feel trapped in the same chaos we’ve had for months now. No drivers license in sight, no exciting travels, nothing. I’m feeling like a house slave,I know I’m not but the feeling sucks.

I forgot to add that I talked to my bestie yesterday, the American lady remember? First time in months we had a heart to heart talk. She was on vacation in the mountains, and had been smoking weed for about a week. I didn’t get much out of that conversation except for maybe my cravings for today.

I hope you are having a better day than I do.
Happy Saturday everyone

[Olivia]

Triple digits. New record. ODAAT. Sobriety and transformation. Be blessed today everyone.

[Tomek]

That’s so great, congratulations, Olivia!

[MrsOdh]

Congratulations, that’s great keep up the good work.

[Misokatsu]

[anon74766472]

Congratulations

[Petes40]

Day 138

@Fury long live the long posts

I get ya, the romanticism is a bit mad. This morning I was in bed and had to go for a pee. My alcoholic brain wished I was back in my local pub and having to go for a pee and back to the bar. Now there is a strange thought

First Saturday for me in the apartment, have to go to the shop, suppose it gets me out for a few minutes.

Probably play ps5 and watch some show or another

Wouldn’t actually say my head is in a great place but it’s not in a terrible place either.

Small things still annoy me, big issue at work yesterday that I had to sort out, eh because that’s my job but is a member of my team that made the fuck up so was working a bit late.

Would have definitely said fuck this and drank over that but here I am on a new day.

Hope everyone has a great time whatever the time

[apes2020]

I’m posting this on this thread because I feel that everyone will benefit from watching this documentary. Its fantastic. Its something that us addicts alike will benefit from because I know we have tendencies to replace one habit with another- unnecessary material consumption. I know I am very guilty if of it… This netflix doco is a timely wake up call to watch now to start your year off right with a new perspective.

[Moonshadow]

Checking in. Day two, yet again. Starting to get sick if myself not being able to press on. Fell off three times this week. It’s only been 9 days since I said I’d stop. Feel like a failure. Heading out to yoga and then journaling at a coffee shop to clear my head.

[Joy]

Way to go! Congrats on 365 days, keep on keeping on ODAAT.
Blessings and sobriety!

[Piglet]

Hi Chris,

Sorry you have to go through all this. I too have anxiety and major depression which is controlled at the moment. I lost everything in 2019, my marriage had gone, my large house, all my possessions including my car, I racked up debts of tens of thousands of pounds and ended up living on the street. Fortunately now, when I was discharged from hospital I got temporary accommodation and now I am the youngest resident in a care home but it’s a roof over my head for now.

But the past is the past… We cannot control that, nor are you responsible for what is happening with your friend. We cannot control everything that happens nor what has happened, but now you have so much sobriety (well done!) you can look to the future.

We need to draw a line, take a deep breathe and say, "Right what can I do now to sow the seeds for a better future?) Sometimes it takes a while for the seeds to germinate and grow and flourish. Patience. As you say we addicts look for instant gratification but building the future is the long game. We need to let go of the past.

Sorry if that sounds canned but I wrote what came into my head. Sometimes it is wort thinking about canned responses and what they mean to you. My no.1 canned comment would be to remember the serenity prayer and consider taking it on board.

I hope your friend recovers well and sorts his life out, I hope you can see your kids soon. Think about practical steps you can take to build that future. I hope you tackle your anxiety and depression because now you have sobriety you have greater clarity. Above all I hope your life sorts itself out for you. We are all on a journey.

Bon voyage!

“You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.” —André Gide

[Briella]

Checking in on day#46. So tired and drained feeling. I think it’s because a lot of negative things happened this week. One positive is I paid my court fines and now off probation. Next is to work on paying an old ticket and get my license back. I did not get in any trouble directly because of my pill addiction, but I would have been more responsible if I wasn’t high on pills all the time and would have paid stuff on time. Ok so maybe it was a direct result of my addiction. I’m just piecing my life back together and it feels good. Slow and steady this time seems to be working. Other than my two pregnancies I have never been sober this long. Thanks to all you beautiful souls here, this place has been the key to my sobriety journey. I am feeling some cravings this morning but I will not give in to temptation, I’m stronger now. Have a great sober Saturday friends.

[Rockstar24777]

Day 211 clean and sober today. Spent the day in the hospital yesterday. The drain line for my kidney came out almost all the way so they put a new one in. Lots of pain but more so gratitude that there were people there to help me! Back to healing. Have a great day everyone I love you guys so much!!!

[anon51903143]

Congrats on a year! That’s awesome!

[Rockstar24777]

Dude… I’m tripping on how much you and I are alike, it’s freaky! In 2019 I too lost my house, all of my belongings and ended up being on the street as well!! I also have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder and also complex ptsd. So weird that we have a simple story. Proud of you Graham you’re kickin ASS!!!

[Lisa07]

Congratulations @Olivia! It was nice waking up to your triple digits today.