Day 865 
Goodmorning! Strange days lately. Yesterday my shop was in danger of getting molested. Because of the Covid curfew there are riots going on. Yesterday our shopping mall got a threat and so police arrived to protect us. Even the special forces showed up.
But luckely nothing had happend.
Still a happy sober girl though! I’m much more in control of my moods and health. And I seldom feel shame ore imbarrassment…I will never forget my groggy half drunk mornings trying to remember how I got into my bed the night before. Not remembering what I did ore said that evening because of my drinking 
This is better. I turned my live into something better! Yes, I still have bad days, but that’s life isn’t it 
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@mno Congratulations on 600 days!
@Steve92 My condolences.
@Clarity You are so strong, awkward and boring is in your head, and at any rate better than sloppy.
@marcusmaximus2000 Hope your mum is OK.
@Butterflymoonwoman I like your matching mask and hat!
Day 171
So so grumpy today. I think it was because I had grading to do, and an online conference I wanted to pop into, and my husband was at home. He was continually singing or watching Youtube in the same room as me which was so distracting.
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- It’s hard finding the time to check in when the hubby is off. Nothing new to share really- I’ve had no cravings or any thoughts of alcohol these last two days. I have two books I reordered that I’m looking forward to reading again- regarding addiction and recovery. Looking forward to this weekend
Will get some alone time in my now-clean-again home, so I can rest and relax a little. A clean, sober home= peace and sanity for this gal 
Hope everyone is having an awesome/sober day!
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Thanks man. I’m still unsure about these meds. My laxepro is a little over a month now. And I’m like right at a month on the straterra. Yesterday I did a two mile jog on the treadmill, heading in this morning for some deadlifts. Much love bro, failure isn’t a option for me. If I fuck up, and pick up I already know I won’t fight for these days again, it was to hard of work. I’ll go until I die. So God’s will and the power to carry it out, amen
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Day 361. I love you all my beautiful ppl. I tested out the melotinin theaory and yeah, I still had trouble sleeping. Woke up completely fucking out of it, but Im done with this. Im done taking my will back, this is God’s will. Let’s gooo! I’m heading to the gym and getting some deadlifts in I’m having hard times sleeping at night because I cant stop thinking about this tattoo. And seeing my uncle for the first time since I was like 8. It’s all exciting. But foreal I wouldn’t be here where I am if it wasn’t for all of you cheering me on. I know I suck at returning the favor, but you all are my ppl.
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4 weeks mate 
well done to you 
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that’s a more appropriate name
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No, YOU’RE amazing! You’re doing fantastic every day, friend.
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Thanks brother.
Day 144: I slept! It was maybe 4 hours, but it was glorious. Up at 2 am…I really need to stay off my phone and TS in particular when I wake up in the middle of the night. Down the rabbit hole I go! But I feel good this morning. I am going to make my healthcare search calls later, and I’ve got grand plans in the kitchen for my birthday weekend! Going into 39 sober and pumped on Sunday, guys! I’m feeling the sadness in the background about missing my dog and wishing he was here on my birthday. The sharpness of my grief has softened some, as I’ve gotten a lot of help in that area from loved ones, therapy and you all. Knowing that he is no longer suffering, when his suffering was profound toward the end, is what continues to reassure me. Ay, Chuchito mi bebito por siempre te extraño tanto.
For my birthday weekend we are going to eat my cooking! Go searching for bald eagles 
which are here along the Mississippi River, watch some of my favorite movies, like Almost Famous, Rushmore and All Dogs Go to Heaven (I might or might not be ready for that), and looks like we’ll get snowed in again! Cozy lovey time with this trio here. Oh! And hopefully SUSHI tomorrow! Hey, thanks for being here everyone. I appreciate you. Sending big love out for a successful sober weekend. 
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D 120.
Exhausted but grateful. My employment evaluation went well. I was deemed employable (LOL) and was accepted into a full evaluation programme. I have set some goals for myself to work on as I’m waiting for phase 2 evaluation and continuing with weekly therapy.
I am motivated to return to working life after almost 7 years absence. However, I’ve lost self-confidence and I’m scared shitless of how things are going to work out. But then again it’s ODAAT. I need to focus on the things at hand right now. Looking for an actual job will come later.
Have a great one y’all!
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This is big, Olivia. I’m excited for you! I relate so much, as one of my goals is to seek employment at some point this year after a 5 year hiatus. I look forward to hearing your shares with hopes to learn something, too.
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Whoa, wait! Congrats on your 4 months, lady!!!
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Thank you! All the best for your employment plans, too 
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Super duper proud of you Jim carey. But for real, youre doing so good man.
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Day 231 clean and sober today. Having nightmares about Faith again and it sucks. Praying for her like my sponsor told me too. I have another procedure on February 10th and really just want to get better and move forward with my life. I haven’t been able to exercise but I have started the last two nights using the elliptical for 20 minutes on the lowest setting and so far so good. It’s the hardest thing for me to do just be resting all day. Super bad for my mental health at times. Have an amazing day everyone, love you guys!!! 
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Checking in, day 85. I ditched my shrink today, I haven’t been on a session for more than a month now anyway. I will probably look for someone else.
I have a hard time letting go the past that I didn’t have, and the present that I don’t have. I don’t see myself in the mirror and I don’t know if I can take it for the rest of my life. I know that I should live in the present but I also should process these feelings so that I can move on. And I’m so far away from taking responsibility for the future. I don’t even know if I’m stalling or just giving myself time to make a well-thought-out choice later.
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I don’t know what day it is.
Interestingly, when I relapsed but before I got bad, I was still staying at my mother’s house and they constantly tried to say “You need to go back to zero, you need to start counting numbers again, that’s what worked for you”. I say ‘interestingly’, because it’s staggering to me that it wasn’t the work and effort that got noticed in getting sober, it wasn’t the daily conversations with other addicts, it wasn’t the trying to deal with the inner turmoil or the end of a lengthy consistant relationship that got seen, it wasn’t the 500 some “No thankyous” after work work when someone offered me a beer (despite my heart and head sinking everytime I said it). No, it was just the number. The most insignificant thing about sobriety is the amount of days, months or years you’ve managed but the inner battle you stay determined to end everyday. Im not counting my days this time round - the days are irrelevant, what is, is how I’m living and I’m living well. How are you living, mate?
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Congrats on your 26 days! That’s what I have as well
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