it’s a mental obsession and a physical allergy,
An illness called the phenomenon of craving.
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yes share your experience 
Well done big man 
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You seem a very intelligent person and have really thought this all out, Stop thinking and start doing. I’ll keep this simple - Next time you are about to relapse come on here and ask for help. It’s never too much trouble, we want you to have what we have all you gotta do is want it enough to ask.
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I’m glad you like the lyrics. I just love John McAndrew. All his lyrics are so wonderful.
You in Britain too?
Anyway… for me? I’m doing pretty good today thank you very much. I feel very blessed and fortunate to live in a mountain town that is pretty small and isolated. And I’m retired. So I don’t have all the same stresses some of you younguns got. Like a job or girlfriend/boyfriend or elderly parents. I got stresses! Just different.
Walking my ass off is a pretty good stress reliever for me. When there’s no snow or ice I’ve got Gods country and trails and roads to walk in. Guided meditations work well for me. I use the Breethe app. It’s workout days that bum me the most because I still hate working out. I rather just walk my dogs. Then I do my own 3 1/2 mile power walk. Drink a lot of hot green teas and tons of sparkling water.
Course I miss my kids it’s been a year since I seen most of them and I want to get out and travel. We were supposed to do a lot of traveling in 2020 and 2021. But being in isolation for as long as it takes to be safe in the long run will pay off. I have hope it will.
Keep being the wonderful you that you are.
Be gentle on yourself. You’re worth it.
We got strength in numbers here.
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Day 177
Going to work out my 6 months by the calendar, so actually 7 more days, but nice to be getting near.
Going to lunch with a friend, and her friend. Actually they are childhood friends, who both moved to Japan. Naturally they are very close so hanging out with them makes me feel like a 3rd wheel. It reminds me that I always feel on the periphery of friendship circles, like the hanger on, that people wouldn’t notice if I disappeared. And I feel like that at work too, and in the neighbourhood, and with my husband’s family. And I am literally an outsider in this country.
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Yesterday I almost posted what’s quoted below. I was really out of it, deeply ingrained into the thoughts of drinking. I saw it still there today, not posted, and figured I should share it. Why? Because I made it through those thoughts of drinking by relaying on my plan and it worked (kept me sober) even if I was out of my mind.
Today is storm day here in Canada. Storms makes me want to drink at home and see no one. I hate this feeling. But I guess pretty much a lot of things these days makes me want to drink. And I hate this feeling. I’m having just 30 minutes before my shift end. Gotta find something to keep my head busy to keep those thoughts away. I feel like I am in a very long stretch of fighting against cravings. Everyday is just getting harder. Feels like I’m just pushing the relapse to another day. I am fighting the idea of just doing it so it won’t be in my head anymore. Although I know this is pure BS. The only difference it’ll do is that I’ll be damn hangover full blown anxious and guilty for my behaviours and for having “lost” my sobriety. Therefore I’d only be harder the next day, and even more the next weekend, and so on. Being in recovery is HARD. I know some folks might say we can twist our mind into thinking the contrary, but that’s only what it is: a kind of twist. Because fact is: I can’t help but thinking about drinking every-damn-day since the last 2 weeks. Is it going better, easier? I guess it’s “going”, but certainly not easier. I have more tools that know keeps me away from drinking. I know I have plans and friends and relatives on who I can relay myself if I am in need. But all this isn’t making the craving less painful and actually kind of heartbreaking: (can I say it?) I would like to NUMB myself out of this head for a night with my eternal companion, I dare say booze. Can I say I miss this?? I know I miss a lot of things that comes with it - that’s why I tried to stop since 2018 and now am 141 days sober- but man right now I am romancing the idea of laying on my couch with wine and beers and f&ck all the rest. I gotta stop this train of thoughts right now because it’s not going to go anywhere interesting nor pleaseful. I am now 15 minutes from the end of my shift. Going to finish that day, going home straight, call someone, order some food (yeah, I am hungry that doesn’t help my stress right now)>
So yeah… I was restless. This is the kind of moment where you can’t rely on your thoughts to take a decision because it’s going into a spiral - and when that spiral includes the idea of drinking again , it ain’t good news for sober-me.
Anyways just wanted to share because it just proves me again that relying on plan works. I haven’t even gone so far into my safety plan. Finished my night in a long bath reading, cried a little and woke up fresh and early this morning.
On a bitter note this episode made me realize that I am entering/fighting a cloud of depression that have been slowly getting on me. I don’t have the energy right now to fight it so I am going to switch my position to an acceptance stance and gonna start doing my depressive-state supportive activities/plan ( which means a lot of self care including a lot of reading, self reflection, writings, listening to music, long baths, couch potatoing, phone calls, walking…)
Happy to be sober today.
Recovery is hard. But sobriety is a superpower. And a lot of power comes with a lot of responsibility…
Hope you all be well and sober today!
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Checking in Feb 3 2021
Today i was hired by a new company ready to start and work hard cant wait . I went to my Army recruiter appointment unfortunently i would need waivers to join i have a long slash across my stomach that was done to me after my guts were exposed and a slash on my neck and a surgery done to my chest they would just need proof that my scars wont affect me i weighed pros and cons in my life and well ima truck driver i will keep trucking ill let my brothers have it proud of them, anyways we keep moving forward congrats to everyone hitting milestones LETS GOO 
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Glad you checked in and told us. I am also glad you are not joining the army. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I just don’t think it’s a good time now. But when would be? Probably never. Just my own personal thing. I am happy and we are all bless to have brave men and women that do join the services.
Anyway. Glad you here.
I would have missed all your enthusiasm if you left us.
Let’s GOOOO!!!
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Hello my friend hope all is well
Hope all is good was wondering about the Army gig.
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Everything is smooth for now yea its a no go ill keep trucking i hope your doing great !
We are third culture adults, Fleur. It comes with the territory. Living abroad has a lot of pros, but a lot of cons too. They seem a lot worse when you’re away from family and friends back home for well over a year. My wife is French, so I identify with the in-law situation too. Most of the time life is great, but when things mount up against us, of course it will get us down. We are only human.
You are not an outsider here.
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Well that’s not how you are here, you have a very important part to play and your playing it to a tee. Your here, your sober and your helping more than you will ever know. Congrats on those days BTW
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So glad you posted this, WCan. Very helpful for me. I’m sorry you are depressed. You aren’t alone. In general, A LOT of people go thru these winter blues. And pandemic doesn’t help. Thank you for sharing this.
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I love it! Thank you!
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398.74
Trying to check in more often about me. Didn’t really feel like it. Good day. Got my workout in. Hate working out. Mopped a couple of floors.
Love my dogs. Living the dream.
Grateful I’m sober. Cuz we’re worth it.
Gratitude will shift you to a higher frequency and you will attract much better things.
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& Day 1011
In less than 3 hours, 19:30 PST, I am the guest speaker at the rehab center I went through almost 3 years ago. I’m pretty nervous, not because I’m sharing my story but where I’m sharing it at. I’m also the first alumni they have invited into their recovery house so that also adds a little stress to my plate. The last time I was there I was a total wreck have just attempted suicide and was reeling with the side effects of not only my opiate addiction but the total havoc I had caused to those around me. Fortunately I can bring Gunny my PSD not only to help me with my anxiety but to give a little Golden Retriever love to those in the first few days of weeks of their recovery.
NEVER CRAVE ALONE
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Well I would notice!! You were so welcoming to me when I first met you on Zoom! You made me feel very comfortable and not so weirded out by total strangers. Dont disappear please!
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