Come back and visit any time. We’ll leave the sun on for you!
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- Finding it hard to stay focused on anything at work. I think I may be using TS as an escape too much. I listened to speaker tapes while I worked and that seemed to help. I’m trying to keep going with my steps but I’m definitely lacking the energy that I had a few days ago. I was struggling just to find a few things to be grateful for last night.
My office has been overflowing with grown-man-drama-tantrums and I’ve been working from home as much as I can as a result. Even going for a walk with my wife today had me grumpy.
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87 days. Friday will be 90. I think my wife and I will find a way to celebrate. For the first time, she asked me if I was having cravings. I said no, but then began pondering if it was true or not. I haven’t had an “I want alcohol” thought in a long while, but there are “mini urges” from time to time. The bigger temptation right now is thinking that I have this problem beat, which I DO NOT. So many good things have come out of sobriety. Why would I ever want to screw it up? It’s not about that though. It’s about building a life where I don’t need alcohol, and I honestly don’t think I’m there yet. My past continues to haunt me every single day. Suicidal thoughts are constantly lurking. I’m failing to make healing a priority. Just an honest confession. Grateful for all of you. Talk again tomorrow.
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8 months? Are you kidding me? Huge congrats to you! 
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Day 232.
Had today been 8 months ago? Gak. Just one glass of wine. The size of my house. It was rarely about 1 glass of wine. (The little demon in my mind that still, on occasion, tries to lure me back with that “just one” line? I made him put his hand on the bible and swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, etc… and that sent him skulking away.)
Gonna tuck in earlier this week - need more sleep, and also more me-time during the work week (is it still a “social life” if you spend it alone at home in a pandemic? 
no matter - i need my journal/dog walks/yoga/writing classes time). So I’m going to reverse engineer the day to guard this time, and that should enforce healthy boundaries around work.
For those of us in winter? Or approaching a milestone? Or the completion of some long steep slog? Or the end of Day 1? The toughest part is the last 20%. Someone said that - and I’m too tired to remember who - but it’s turned out accurate for other things in my life, so I think it applies here too. Let’s not give up. We’ve come so far. Even if this is your Day 1.
We did it - another day. And we’re gonna do another one tomorrow.
G’night, beautiful people.
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Great job on your one month victory Matt. That IMO is one of the best milestones to reach. So happy for ya.
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Ending day 91. Really been fighting with my demons and my depression today. But, I’m alive and not using so theres that. All using did was get me to this rock bottom I hate so much. All relapsing is gonna do is bring me even lower… have a good night everyone.
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Learning to deal with emotions that we used to drown out is really hard. Don’t underestimate the impact that has.
There are always things we could do differently. Sometimes in our urge to fix we forget that it’s ok to just feel. I know I do anyway. It helps me to remember that experiencing difficult feelings is part of healing too.
You can do it, you are doing it!
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Checking in.
Shared this with some friends yesterday and sharing it again here. For me and anyone else that needs to hear this today!
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Day 190
Sobriety is still going ok, but still struggling with binging, screen use, lack of motivation. A lot of the excuses I used to drink, i.e. “last supper” consumption, etc, are still working for these bad habits too. And of course the negative cycle is the same too. I feel crappy, I do bad habits, I feel crappier, I do more bad habits.
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Day 123 no meth. Every day I wake up feeling fine, and by evening i’m a mess. I have all the red flags. I want to do something drastic like run away and go stay at my folks, go abroad, go biking for a few days, something to take me away from this. I need to release some adrenaline or go on a road trip, I know that would sort me out 
But I feel trapped by a) gov rules b) corona and c) the weather… I don’t want any of these to be an excuse to use again. I’m gonna do another 3 hour walk today, it’s not enough but it’s something.
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this, so many excuses at the moment, I wish I could reduce my screen time also, but I’m scratching my head thinking of things to do when my motivation is low. Hold on in there - 190 is incredible.
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123 is not that far behind me! The thing is I have things I could/should do, just am being rubbish.
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I feel ya on the feeling trapped stuff. Three hour walk sounds amazing! I can’t wait til the puppy is big enough to go on proper walks.
Hope the sun shines for you 
Or at least that it doesn’t rain too much 
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- My five day weekend is here yay! Will do some chores today. And do some homework for tomorrow’s therapy group. And have a friend from high school over for dinner who I haven’t properly talked to for 40 years so that’ll be interesting. Not a great day outside (a grey one instead) so a good one for indoor activities. All sober and clean. It’s the base for a better life.
Yes we still have to do the work. And yes I still don’t fee like doing it at times. Still, taking booze and drugs out of my life makes all the other stuff possible. I’d never do it if I was still under the influence. Very grateful for my sobriety. And all of you who helped me so much making it possible. One day at a time. Have as good a day as you all can. Love from Amsterdam and Texas, where my friend and her cat had to flee their cabin. Power’s out, no heating, no water for 2 days now. She drove, over icy roads, to stay with friends with a generator and a fireplace. Hope things will return to normal for her soon.
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Day 449.
Mostly I think about drinking much less now. Sometimes it pops up. Sometimes i catch myself rationalizing and romanticizing it. I didn’t always drink a lot. Often, it was only a couple of drinks. I could have two beers. Not always but sometimes. My drinking was more moderate more often in the last few years than when I was younger. That’s not totally phony. But if I do, I’ll want it the next night too. I’ll be back to drinking every day and finding it unthinkable to have a night off. Today, I am not drinking. I’m glad to be here today. Stay connected everyone.
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265.3
Sporting a cold today. Afraid to go in public because if I sneeze it will cause mass hysteria 
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@Misokatsu Oh Fleur, I can wholeheartedly relate. It’s such a vicious cycle. We can’t just go without food forever, it’s an addiction that we have to control. We always sound so silly when we talk about moderation with alcohol, but yet it’s our only choice for food. It’s damn hard, so be kind to yourself 
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