I often have dreams about relapsing also , my counselor from IOP says the vivid dreams will get farther apart but they can be so real it’s scary . Hang in there
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- Had a shitty day at work feeling like a lump. That got better when I went home to get my son off the bus. I wanted him to play outside while I did chores and he insisted on being inside. I could tell he was having some big feels and he asked to be alone. I had the presence to take a pause and ask the HP for a hand. (That alone was a miracle) Opted to leave it instead of pushing the issue. I went and moved snow and checked on him often. He drew pictures and had some snacks. Once I got inside we had a great talk about how to treat people who are being unkind to us. Apparently he’d had some not-so-pleasant encounters with kids on the bus. There was a great hug and peaceful exchanges the rest of the night. We’ve been reading a lot of Roald Dahl together and we did that for bedtime once again. Followed that up with a great al-anon zoom meeting full of some really great people. Being that my sponsor is also an al-anon sponsor I learned that my steps counted there too. So I can get busy trying to be of service there as well.
Still feeling nervous about sponsorship but I recognize how much I need to give freely to others.
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How great that you read together; and, an author that is equally important as well as innovative. These are precious memories… he might forget what the kids said or did on the bus one day, but he will always remember you respected and loved him that day.
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Checking in/out:
Today my patients were tested by my daughter. I swear she likes to start arguments as soon as I walk in the door from work. She’s 18 and was acting like she was 5. At first I was getting all worked up and I had to stop and check myself and not go off on her. I had other things I needed to take care. Her brother was getting ready to start his tutoring session and I needed to help get him prepared. Her and I have our fair share of arguments and I know it’s because she’s so much like me. I do not want her to follow the path that I was on. I know what I was like at her age, I was having my first child. I want her to experience so much more in life before starting a family. I am proud of how I handled things with her today. But not every argument ends that way. Today I’m asking my Creator for patient and understanding.
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Checking in at day’s end.
Had a good day. Prayers, readings, God, gratidude. Crushed my cooking for the clients and staff at wayside best meal I made in weeks. Pork tenderloin was falling apart when I went to cut and serve it mmmmm. Had a good AA meeting where I was perhaps a touch “preachy” tonight but so be it God is great. Gramps was a preacher and Mom was the Sunday school superintendent for a lot of years so …Hallelujah!!! I am trying to accept it and run with it when it does come cause it’s not always that easy.
God bless you all. 
& 
P.s. you are wonderful. Ya you!!
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Thanks so much. I did mention to my wife that it felt like a served a purpose for the first time in a while.
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How beautiful then, that this served the both of you. 
- Didn’t pick up my bike last night as it was raining cats and dogs. Now the sun is out and I’ll be soon too. Gearing up to the weekend which will be an early edition of spring 2021. Choosing a route now to give me a tailwind on my way back and uploading it to my new bike computer. I love life this morning. Totally opposite to how I would have started my Friday two years ago, waking up heavily hungover and still intoxicated from the night before. The way spent before it even started. I’m not forgetting. Never again. I’m sober and clean and very grateful for that. Have a good day all! Clean and sober. Love from Amsterdam where this little gift I got together with my second vaccination makes me feel like spring too.
@OfTheNorth Congrats on 11 days and welcome here friend. I’m happy to see you. Strength in numbers.
@IlFinocchio Welcome here and huge congrats on your progress from down in the hole to back on your feet and moving forward! Glad for you friend!
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Day 192 (I think)
Recently play Uno with my daughter, and sometimes with my son, too, in the evenings. Lots of over-excitement when someone else has to pick up a load of cards, exaggerated dispair when u have to pick up cards urself, kids fighting over what music to play as bgm. Truly precious times.
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Starting Day 24. Yeah, 240 would be better, but I’ll take what I can get. Guess what?? I’m not drinking today!! 
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@cwak Congrats on 90 days! Thats awesome!
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Day 382. Happy Friday everyone I had another good day with my beautiful girls yesterday. Went down a practiced my deadlifts this morning. I did pretty good untill I tried going over 275 which just tells me I’m still pretty weak in alot of places. Progress not perfection… At first I couldn’t see my higher power, but now I’m actually seeing it. Yesterday I brought some quarters to work, I had enough for two waters but one of the quarters was canadian so I couldn’t get my second water, I sat there looking at the quarter for a second going gosh darn it, I dropped it…looked down to pick it up and there was a dollar… Today I was leaving the gym, I thought my pants over a chair, after my session put them on and was leaving and patted myself, no wallet in my back pocket. I was like hmmm I thought I brought it but maybe I didn’t bc i had a few dollars in my pockets for lunch. But something stopped me and told me to go back and look, sure enough there was my wallet. Just idk that’s your higher power guys, pay attention.
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La poésie aide parfois dans ces moments. 
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Checking in on day 11. Feeling pretty good today as I wake up. I’ve been pretty hazy and sleepy feeling in the morning. I’m going to make sure to check in everyday. The first week or so I always like to keep my phone away from me and just rest and stay busy doing things with my kids and take care of house work. Now this weekend and week coming up, I’m going to add some recovery related habits to my list of good habit building. I’m going to attend a women’s only meeting and get back to reading the big book. I’m determined to stay sober. Each time is easier and easier. Each relapse teaches me something new about my addiction. I know 100% without a doubt that as soon as I stop living in the moment and get too far ahead in the future, that is when I relapse. Yesterday I was truly in the moment and living just for the day. One day at a time was not really important to me at first, I did not value what that really means. Now I do. Thanks to everyone here. Have a fabulous Friday TS folks.
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Day 372~ Checking in. Been feeling a bit down lately. I’ve got so much on plate it’s overwhelming. Life is so hard sometimes. My husband’s grandmother is in her final days with her cancer. It’s just really sad to see someone you love suffer and in pain like that. My mother in law (her daughter) is a mess. She’s been super emotional which is causing the rest of house to feel the tension and stress. I feel so bad as I know the pain of losing a mother. All I can do is be there for her. My daughter has been going to hair school along with working at the shop. She’s 20 and figuring life out. She’s been struggling a bit with some choices she’s made when it comes to dating. I’ll never understand why people “Ghost” someone aka just disappear. It’s mean. Again all I can do is just be there for her. My son has been working tons. He’s in the electrical union in Boston and they’ve been wicked busy. I’m so proud of that kid. He’s overcome so much and really has grown up so much since last year. His biggest dilemma right now is his skis he order haven’t come in yet 
he paid one day shipping and it’s been 4 days now. Both our tenants in one of the rental properties are moving this month. This means lots of showings to get them re rented. Just another thing to add to the list. 
We’ve been dealing with a neighbor at the shop. He owns a convenient store next to our shop and has a big parking lot. Well apparently he’s pissed because people have been parking there. We do not encourage people to park there. There are signs saying to not to park there. We are NOT the parking police. I told him if people park there then tow them like your sign saids. He’s just a complete ass. He threaten with I’ll just open an ice cream shop. I’m a business man. I literally laughed in his face. I told him not to threaten me go ahead and try because I’m also a business woman and two can play that game. What a dick. I don’t understand why people have to be such assholes. Ughh I tell ya. With all that shit going on I do still find gratitude in what I do have. I have many blessings. Life is such a rollercoaster. Many ups and lots of downs. I just remain focused and keep on with my sobriety because I know if I was not sober things would be WAY worse. Gotta just keep my head down and my eye on the prize.
Keep fighting. Days can be tough but so are we. 
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Checking in at the end of day 47. Ridiculous. 47 whole days.
Was invited out for a beer after work today. Not only did I decline, but I felt disgusted by the idea. My body (and mind) has started to see alcohol as the poison that it is.
Instead of drinking, I went to the supermarket with my wife and eldest daughter and bought all of the ingredients to make some Mexican food. We then cooked it up with the rest of the kids and had a lovely meal. Never cooked Mexican food before. I love suddenly being bothered to do things.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
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Oh, and my skin seems to be fitting my face a bit better.
Does anyone else have that?
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