Checking in on day 250, I am ready for the weekend for sure…been a long and trying week. My coffee has been right beside me the whole time making these mornings easier though 
I am also beginning to think about planning a little gift or treat for my year mark which is now starting to get pretty close! I hope everyone has a great day!!!
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It seems like it should be so simple doesn’t it! I guess it is really. But I find knowing I have stuff to be grateful for doesn’t necessarily translate to feeling grateful.
We keep on! 
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Day 266 clean and sober today. Went to two meetings yesterday and am trying to go along with the flow of life at this point. I feel like I’ve been in a God bubble floating along being protected. I know from experience that I’ve been in shock over the last few days and know the pain is coming through. Last night when I was falling asleep I was trying my hardest to not think about my son but flashes of his face kept coming to mind. I could see every detail about him and swear to God that I could smell his scent as I was hugging him and it killed me. My mind has been protecting me but it’s now starting to let bits and pieces out and I’m so scared to start really experiencing what has actually happened. I have another procedure to be done at the hospital tomorrow in regards to healing my kidney and I think I’ll only need one more. There’s a possible job offer that I’ll be receiving a phone call about in a couple days. It seems perfect. I would be doing audio visual work running cables etc and would be flown to San Francisco during the week to work and then flown back home on the weekends. It sounds wonderful but I don’t think I will take it right now for a number of reasons. 1.) I would have to stop disability insurance payments (which is almost nothing) and would have to re apply if something happens with the last couple procedures. 2.) I will have to start making arrangements for my sons memorial once I receive his ashes. 3.) I would miss therapy which I so badly need right now and 4.) I don’t know what would happen if the tube that’s in my kidney gets pulled out while working and 4.) It would be possible but difficult to find meetings to go to out there. I don’t know, I’m just talking it out on here. I’m really scared to feel the feelings (I can’t stop them anyway) but compared to the pain I’ve felt the first couple of days, there is a storm of emotions coming and I know that I am powerless over when they come. Thank you for all of your love and support, love you guys. 
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Agreed. I guess it takes deliberate practice, repetition of faking it till you make it? That’s a place to start anyway! 
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Day 30. It has not been easy but it has been simple. A choice made, a promise to myself kept. I’m doing it. Haven’t found the peace or gratefulness in it yet. The hope & promise that I will is what I’ll continue to focus on. Time and patience I tell myself. Thanks everyone for sharing your journey. I’m reading, following, and learning from you.
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Thanks! Appreciate it.
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Checking in, oh what a night! La la la, you know that silly song 
Well, I started singing it this morning when my hubby’s alarm went off this morning…I manage to get some sleep finally but it was hard fought and won. Tummy troubles first, a restless dog who needed to pee or get under the covers or just readjust and shake her head (which makes a rather loud ear flapping sound, if you’ve seen her pic, you’ll get it), and a brain that just wouldn’t shut the eff up. However, I feel relatively rested and alert so I shouldn’t complain. Looking forward to some time in the kitchen today! Hope you all stay safe and sober today, TS amigos! 
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Thanks glad you enjoyed it!
Awesome job on two weeks!!!
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Just now catching up on the thread and apologize for not congratulating everyone on Milestones. Day 1 or day 101 we’re doing it and I’m proud of us all.
@M-be-free49 Belated congratulations on your 8 months. I’m thankful to share this journey with you.
@CATMANCAM My fingers and toes are crossed for you to get an interview. I keep telling myself that when the time is right, the door will open. May now be our time.
@apes2020 Awesome job on fighting the good fight.
@anon60334405 That is an awesome deal bro and you deserve it. I say if it fits in your budget, go for it.
261 days. Still floating around and grieving. Have feelings of being lost and have really been focusing on what I want in life. All I know is the life I’m currently living isn’t the way I want to live and I need to focus on change. In a few months I will be one year sober and there’s no time like the present to get back to focussing on ME.
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there is an error in my counter. While 210 days seem to be completed on 15 March, today’s 197th day has somehow gone back.
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Hey all checking in on day 263. Have a great day everyone!
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Day 385~ I’ve been slacking with my check in’s. I’ve just been so busy and by the time I have any downtime I just veg out and frankly become too lazy to think beyond just what show I’m gonna watch or snack I’m gonna have. I need to get more involved with maybe AA or some kind of group. I’m not struggling with my sobriety but I am feeling a bit disconnected as far as evolving and living my most authentic life. I just can’t help but feel sometimes like there’s something missing. I don’t even know if that makes sense. 
Lately I’ve been feeling a bit down. I’m not sure if it’s just the winter blues or there’s something deeper going on. I’m looking into going back to counseling it really helped me in the past and I think it could help me now. We’re heading back to the mountains this weekend and I’m hoping being up in the fresh air and away from all the stress of work and the shop I’ll be able to clear my mind and kind of get a refresher. Sometimes I just need to dial it back and get back to the basics. Going to start journaling again and being more active with my groups. I think I stay busy because I know it helps keep my mind busy and off of any devious thoughts including drinking but being too busy isn’t good either. I need to find a balance that works for me. I feel a lot of pressure from a lot of the people in my life. I’ve worked on my boundaries over the past year and they’ve gotten somewhat better but I still allow others to affect my mood. I need to work on that.
Continue fighting. 
This is a lifelong journey with many trials and tribulations but also many blessings. Each day there’s something new to learn. As long as there is improvement and as long as we stay sober everything will work out for the best and the way it should.
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Beautiful. Congrats on 2 years! Thank you for being an example for me and all of us here.
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103 days. Went to counseling this morning. Stirred the whole damn pot of emotions. I’ve been stress-eating all day. Thinking some really dumb thoughts. Not going to drink.
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Congrats on your 2 years of freedom, Émilie. That’s cool 
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I’m having a good day
I might have myself a sponcer on my hands from my home group. Unfortunately the home group has been closed for a bit because of covid. Too many people wouldn’t social distance 
But I might have a sponcer
I will call him often and he is really cool
3 full days baby at 7pm
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@apes2020 I’m so pleased to see you checking in! I was actually going to give you a shout out today but here you are 
well done for battling the urges and congrats on passing the 90 day mark 
@anon27700620 Wow I loved that! 
thanks for taking the time to make it and sharing it with us
@Dayxx welcome back, see what you can learn from it and keep checking in
@Croke nice work battling through, especially with outside influence trying to derail you, congrats on your week
@Mno your urban birds are incredible! Hope the therapy went well
@cwak I can’t listen to music at all anymore, it’s all I did when I was using. I can’t journal either as that’s what’s I used to do whilst the music was on.
@anon60334405 get the bike man, you do deserve it! and besides, you can always sell it to get the money back if you ever need to
@Tomek sounds so good! It reminds me so much of a movie/TV show but for the life of me I can’t think which one 
@Singtone congrats on 60 days
@vaariesga congrats on 250 days
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