@cwak Maybe to a certain extent not drinking is something that you practise and get better at over time? Like juggling or something. At the end of each day think back over the day and how well you are doing by not drinking, like a positive affirmation. Can you also pick apart why you want to drink? And play the tape forward so that you can imagine how drinking would actually make things worse? For me at least, even if I feel like I want to drink, by thinking about how those reasons are in fact not reasons because they are illogical or how drinking would complicate things further, I can feel less like I want to drink.
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I think you are on to something. 
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- Today was a pretty good day. Besides waking up way earlier then I was supposed to.
Work has been good. I seen this quote and thought Iād share have a good night TS fam.
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Great quote 
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Yeah right now itās because Iām pissed off at my wife. Iām not saying any of this is logical or correct thinking, but our marriage is just shit right now. I have always been one to break limits and she has always been an enforcer of them. Not good for a marriage.
The other day, I told her I was struggling and thought I might bring alcohol home. There was no compassion from her at all ā¦ only āI donāt know how that will affect me.ā Like damn, nobody asked how it would affect you. So now I want to do it even more just to spite her, because once again sheās imposing a limit and I resent her for it. Does it make sense? No. Is it correct thinking? No. Is it how I legitimately feel? Absolutely.
Day 171 alcohol/day 45 smoking. Work was just one puzzle and frustration after another today. It took everything in me not to hurl my work phone out the car window into the river on my way home this evening. There it goes again, chirping as I try to type this. I didnāt lose my temper today, so weāre going to call it a win.
@Rockstar24777, thank you for sharing some memories of your son. Perhaps youāll share your song with us at some point?
@apes2020 the original soberian! Iām glad to see you back here with us, my friend.
@Tomek, Iām sorry to hear about your best friend. Iāll be praying for you both.
@RosaCanDo and @Dan531, I will do whatever I can to help yāall destroy daylight savings time. I hate the time change so much.
Good night, all yāall sober, amazing people! I hope you sleep well, and have a great Wednesday!
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Day 3 almost over! I am craving tonight, but not giving in! Happy sobriety everyone 
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I hear you about your partner being a major trigger. The last time I nearly drank it was originally triggered by him. Just like you, those thoughts of drinking to spite the other person, teach them a lesson, etc, are not logical but very strong. How would drinking to spite the other person actually go down? In terms of the dynamics of the relationship, she would just get more zealous about limits right? And even more importantly, what about you? Although she is imposing limits, do you actually want to go past those limits? It is damn annoying to be told what to do, but is the thing you are being ātoldā what to do, actually something that is reasonable and you would want to do by yourself? I am kinda assuming these limits are about drinking. Yes, you partner is trying to make you not drink, and the being forced (or feeling like you are) is shit, but you yourself also donāt want to drink (if you actually sit down and think about the negative consequences) right? Take your irritation with your wife out of the picture (easier said than done, I know) and really think about YOU.
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108 days here. Been a busy week and itās only Tuesday. Really looking forward to a couple days off next week, and my short trip. Hope everyone is doing great and have a wonderful/sober week!
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Aww thanks for checking up on me and thinking of me Iām here Iāve been great just alot of traveling alot work and focusing on myself I really appreciate the concern you guys are everything to me 
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I hear you loud and clear bro. Thatās one reason Iām thankful for this blog. We get you and here for you. Some advice though as hard as it is be kind loving and passionate to her. Sometimes being loving to her might open her eyes to how much you care about her. But maybe not either. However I understand.
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By the way Iām like 95 days and I want to drink more now than ever. Hard to explain. Itās worse now than it was on day one. Peace to you. God Bless you
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M7 D6
Whoops, in the US the clocks went back so I missed talking to my sponsor this week. The perils of having a sponsor in a different time zone. But it did give me an opportunity to look over my Step 4 and there were some things I noticed I can add thanks to the growth I experienced in our last talk. In particular there are many places I can now identify āfearā which I didnāt really think of before.
I am continuing to plod along with some professional development. It is nice to try and get my brain moving again in that way, I do hope I didnāt totally pickle my poor neurons. I find it really triggers my ānot good enoughā fear and I have to work on dealing with that. I have also made some effort to contact and meet people and confront my ānot fitting inā fear. I also shared in a meeting and faced that particular fear. As usual I sort of plan what I am going to say in my head while other people are talking (which is bad, I should listen) but then canāt get it out and just rattle some stuff off and then stop talking as soon as I can.
@Private50 I think I replied to you personally, not the thread, sorry
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Day 397~ Checking in. Iāve had a sad and rather emotional day. My dad called to let me know my uncle passed away. He was only 55 and the manner in which he died is not yet known. Itās so sad. I feel terrible for father. My uncle lived with us when I was young. He was a kind gentle giant. Iām gonna miss him. My grandfather his dad and my dads father is in a nursing home with severe dementia and does not know yet. They are not sure if they should tell him because as explained by the doctor he may not remember and then suddenly could remember and have to relive the sad news and grieve over and over. They also wonāt let anyone in to tell him due to Covid and my dad doesnāt want to tell him over the phone. Itās just awful. So heartbreaking really. 
In other news I was FaceTiming with my sisters tonight and my one sister decided to give me shit for getting a tattoo because I didnāt get the āFamilyā tattoo. Which is a dragonfly for my mom who passed. Both my sisters and nieces have the same dragonfly tattoo. She then referred to mine as a āPrisonā tattoo. Like WTF?!? Just so rude. She knows how much my sobriety and this tattoo means to me. Itās just so rude and mean and it really hurt my feelings. Iāll never understand why people are just blatantly mean like that.
So ya today has been very trying and Iām emotionally worn out. 
BUT Iām still sober. My uncle was also in recovery and recently shared a picture of his 20 year chip with me.
Love your loved ones while they are still here. Life is incredibly short and everything can change in a blink of an eye. Tonight I go to bed with a heavy heart, tears in my eyes, and prayers for my uncle Jimmy. 
Below is a throwback picture of him and I when he lived with us. 
he loved this picture of him and I and showed everyone. My daughter just told me he came into the ice cream shop last week and showed her this pic.
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Day 260.
Gotta put this day - and me too - to bed. Can I just say though, before I do, how grateful I am to share this day and all these days with all of you?
Gānight, dear friends. With tears or with joy, some growth and maybe a bit of scar tissue, we did another day. Letās go do another one tomorrow. 
@Rockstar24777 the song will be perfect
@Mischa congrats on your numbers!
@Misokatsu I was gonna say something about all your check-ins where youāre hanging out with friends! I know Iām glad youāre around here, so I can only imagine they are glad to have you too. I could picture the burger scenario, lol! iāve had a similar one 
@Charlie_C yeah, I understand something about this. sending you strength and hugs. happy birthday, dad. 
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So sorry for your loss. It is an adorable picture.
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I am sorry to read about your loss, and you have my condolences. Iām glad you were able to stay sober through all of that hardship. Reading about your strength is an inspiration, making me feel empowered to stay sober through hardship as well.
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Oh Courtney! Iām so sorry. Sending you condolences. So glad you have that pic.
Based on my experience of this, I think itās not a bad idea about keeping the news from your grandfather. You all mean well, and it probably isnāt in his best interests.
Hugs to you
(ā¦and, itās your body. get whatever tattoos you want! argā¦)
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