Checking March 22 2021
Day 1 complete I’ll take it feeling rested today I feel more determined more then ever I’m young I’m 25 Im counting my blessings and giving it all to my higher power I’m taking this slow and steady not jumping right into it I did it once I should regain my year back again with hardwork and good vibes all around congrats to everyone hitting milestones and achieving there goals goodmorning or good afternoon wherever you maybe have an awesome day 
Great job on the triple digits and I’m sorry about your brother’s situation.
Keep on trucking ODAAT!
Blessings and sobriety!
Day 284 clean and sober today. Wow was yesterday rough but with you all supporting me I made it through the day sober. Thank you for holding me up through this shit show season of life. I hope everyone has an amazing day today, love you guys! 
@Rockstar24777 prayers for your sobriety 
@Hidden have a great break 
@cwak congrats on 4 months 
@Bill1 congrats on 30 days
@Stupidrummer congrats on your week
@JoMarch congrats on triple digits 
prayers for your brother
224 days no alcohol.
192 days no cocaine.
19 days no binge-eating.
I managed to somehow start doing some packing. I packed 3 big boxes of clothes yet there’s still all my hoodies and t-shirts that currently fit in my wardrobe, plus a chest of drawers that’s full too. I’ll obviously be able to give some away to charity once my weight starts coming off a bit more and I can fit back into the smaller sizes, but for now they are all good clothes that I’d still wear.
Feeling really anxious again and unable to leave my flat. I’m thinking it’s maybe because I’ve got so much I need to do to get everything packed and the place cleaned up so it’s always playing on my mind.
I’ll get there though, bit by bit, day by day 
We can’t help others unless they want to help themselves. I know that first hand, as I’m sure most of us do. All we can do is try and lead by example. Hope he makes the right choice 
Checking in sober 1071
I was totally feeling sorry for myself the past couple days. Things felt unfair and very lonely. I was struggling with myself in all areas. Confidence was gone, positivity was no where to be found, self doubt was abundant, frustration in everything.
I was going through the motions of my life while making space for these feelings. I was a little hard on myself for feeling this way…but for the most part I just let myself feel like shit. I was sad and cried when I felt like crying. And I thought angry thoughts when I was angry. Those things didn’t help me pull myself out of my rut… but what I think helped was the fact that I continued to live my life. Making meals, grocery shopping, cleaning, playing with my kids, being outside, exercising, working. I wasn’t a ball of joy to be around, but I also wasn’t lashing out. I was just sad and that was ok.
Over the weekend I went to two different exercise classes at the gym. Yoga and Spin. Spinning on Sunday morning was intense. My chest burned all day but it reminded me that I was still alive with every breath.
Sunday afternoon I was still feeling sorry for myself. Until I came across a young girl’s Instagram page. She was a victim of an acid attack. She had a breathing apparatus in her neck and her face was very burned. From what I read, she was 12 when it happened and she is now 17. Honestly, this put me right in my place. She is here, being brave when I’m sure every day she has every reason to be sad. I decided that I can choose to be sad for what I don’t have or I can choose to be happy with what I do have. The mind is such a trap, easily getting lost in an abyss of negativity.
I bought flowers and vegetable plants this weekend to try to work through my depression. I arranged flowers in a pot that I thought to myself represented how I feel right now… put together on the outside, and disorganized on the inside.
Today, one of the disorganized poppies I bought bloomed. It was a beautiful red flower from the front. And directly behind it was another sad poppy, draped over the top of it. This made me smile because I think these flowers really get me lol
Anyways, last picture…I always wanted a home with a white picket fence. Not because I want the illusion of a picture perfect home. I really like the look and maybe the innocence of it. So today I painted my fence and created something I’ve always wanted.
ときどき何も分かりません。かんじはいつも思い出しにくいです。
日本へいきたいですが、行くことができません。
いま、インターネットで日本語の先生がいます。
I hope that that was understandable !
Heading off to bed soon, so I just wanted to say goodnight to everyone.
I’m having kind of an “off” evening, feeling pretty badly and down about myself. I mean, I hate myself most of the time anyway, but sometimes it borders on loathing.
Oh well, no big deal… I’ll get over it, I suppose.
Goodnight all.
It’s good practice for me.
Ahimsa! thank you for sharing this. I did not realise the precept were the same as the yama’s and niyama’s. I had only studied it from the vipasana perspective.
What a great share. Very nice.
Well done. Love your flowers.
I hope your sadness is lifted away from you soon.
Congratulations on your 100 days. Yippee! 
So sorry about your brother. It’s so hard when you love someone so much and they won’t help themselves. If it continues this way try and take care of yourself and your sobriety. That’s real important.
Alanon was a great help for me with my addicted kids.
Day 233…
I’ve been distant for many reasons, some because life hasn’t been easy, making decision and moving a parent has been hard and the challenges of starting a new job role and training has been hard on me, I’ve found it challenging when a group of people put ground rules down on what’s expected and the first thing stated is no swearing, I closed up and didn’t engage for two sessions… Someone in the group approached me, questioning did I really want to be on this training… I had to really stop and think because this is and always will be challenging for me and all I wanted to do was pick up and mask my tourettes, my ADHD but instead I asked to speak to the facilitator and for the first time I spoke openly on how a rule of no swearing had halted me and made me retreat…
I have sat with so many thoughts on how do I make myself fit into a world of people who just don’t get tourettes, control it, try to avoid swearing, just don’t say ‘that’ word… These have been challenges all my life and I would abuse so many drugs to sedate my brain, I would mong myself out just so I wouldnt tic… Today I fought back Alot of tears and Alot of fears because if I want sobriety I have to be honest and truthful on the struggles that led me to self sabotage and hurt myself.
So I’ve come here to my safe place that has gotten me to 233 days of recovering and I remembered why I started this journey because I wanted to live… So I need to remember to maintain and be accountable because when I just forget or think I can do this my little Gremlin tells me ‘your better on the drugs’ you can fit in with the world… Instead of painting the rainbow I want.
Aww definitely dont listen to that gremlin. If it makes you feel any better just know that everyone is so hyperfocused on themselves that they aren’t paying attention to anyone else. Keep being yourself. You are amazing, tourettes and all. It shows you are human and people love that about you. Keep shining girl!
Checking in day 241
Woke up to news that my daughters grandma that we live with broke her hip last night. She had taken a day trip to the cabin in the snow and slipped on ice. I was fully prepared to handle the situation on my own and go pick her up from the hospital after surgery but her husband is flying out here right now. Hes been gone for 5 months. Glad for the help except him and his wife fight like cats and dogs. Sad for my daughters grandma.
Just feeling sorta paralyzed by my sadness today. Missing my best friend and her bubbly personality. My life feels so empty without her. Gonna suck it up and take my daughter to the park and try to get through the day.
Nice one, congratulations on 100 days of amazing.
It’s not you who should bend and fit the world, but the world should fit you and every single member of it. We shouldn’t fight for our right to exist, yet this society still just doesn’t have space for so many of us. On the other hand by being visible, standing up for ourselves, by educate others we do change the world little by little and make the way a bit easier for the next generations. That’s what you have done and keep doing by choosing sobriety instead of drugs.
There isn’t anything wrong with you, don’t doubt it even for a moment.
Hi, hope your all good, just bounced off 10month sober today, feels good.
Take care you guys, have a lovely day or night where ever you are
Day 2 doing well. These daily check-in’s really do help at keeping me accountable
