@anon27700620 分かりますよ。私（わたし）もオンラインで日本語を勉強（べんきょう）しています。日本人じゃないけど、練習（れんしゅう）したければ、日本語のメッセージをいつでも送って（おくって）いいからです。
What exactly is it you hate so much about yourself? Just from my perspective, it seems like you have a good job, enviable skills, interesting hobbies, etc. Plenty of things that you could feel good about yourself.
@anon27760155 I think it is great that you are being proactive, talking to the facilitator and explaining your situation. It is tough that people don’t get tourettes (including myself), and it sucks that you have to shoulder the responsibility of continually educating people. But you can find a place in society with people who learn what you teach them. You don’t have to change, you are not doing anything wrong.
@Clarity Hope your daughter’s grandma recovers as quickly as she can. I know broken hips are very challenging.
Day 310. Had a frustrating day with lots of communication issues with a friend. I feel uncomfortable and anxious but I’m not going to drink over it. That’s one of the best things I’ve learned in sobriety— feelings will pass and all I have to do is ride out the discomfort.
When I first joined this forum for inspiration to get and stay sober my health was in such bad shape I actually felt like I was dying (no exaggerating). My resting heart rate (110+ BPM) was elevated so regularly that I didn’t really feel like anything was wrong until I saw it after purchasing my smart watch. I was so anxious all of the time and looking back it makes so much sense! My blood pressure was severely hypertensive as well. Doc tried to give me blood pressure meds but I don’t believe in them (at least not for long term use). I knew what I had to do. I quit the boozing, the smoking, the unhealthy food choices (after my sweets stent to get through alcohol cravings), and started to embark on a true wellness journey. I went from 170 to 139 lbs. I’ve had my screw ups but they didn’t deter me from wanting to feel healthy and alive. Anyway, I am thinking of all of this as I’m lying in bed right now with a resting heart rate of 78 BPM while sipping on my lemon grass tea. I actually got kind of anxious and nervous because my body feels so calm it feels out of place. My old normal was being regularly tachycardic, bloated and anxious. My new normal is being NORMAL, thin, and calm… but my lower heart rate for a second made me think I was dying for a second? Why is my heart rate so low? I’m actually adjusting to being at peace for a moment. I never want to normalize chaos again!
Nice one Shay.
Thanks for the reminder. I love the benefits of being sober. But I always forget about the racing heart beats at night. Thinking am I having a heart problem or some kind of heart arrhythmia. Only to drink a lot the next day and do it all over again. If I ever think about drinking again I hope someone mentions racing heart beat to me.
And I love the calmness and peace.
God Bless
Anytime I even think about seriously picking up another drink, my mind brings me back to my weakened immune system from drinking that had me sick ALL OF THE TIME. Or waking up with extreme anxiety and having random bouts of anxiety and shortness of breath due to panicking (some times while driving on the highway). Or the constant heart palpitations… yikes
Yes… just remember the way it was deteriorating your health and you’ll go running in the other direction! Lol
Day 177/51. My anxiety has been ridiculous these past few days, but I’m still sober and standing. So many people here are hitting milestones and confronting the things that used to hold them back. It’s just the encouragement I need to take a deep breath and tuck myself into bed sober again tonight. Tomorrow will be different.
I love this post. I was having a similar, if less profound, conversation with my wife this morning.
I just feel better. I’ve lost a bit of weight, which helps. My sleep is so much better, which helps. My acid reflux no longer exists, which helps. The inflammation in my joints after exercising recedes much more quickly, which helps. The sporadic chest pains no longer happen, which helps. The aching liver is no more, which helps. But the big one is that the crushing anxiety which was so debilitating and so instrumental in making me drink again to try to numb it all away no longer exists, which REALLY helps.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Life is so much better now.
Thanks for posting.
This is great! Everything is just so much better. And it makes sense because we aren’t poisoning ourselves. Most people drink without really consciously putting together that we are consuming actual poison. Instant gratification is one helluva drug! We’re literally getting out of our bodies way and allowing it it’s ability to heal. We really are on a healing journey, physically, mentally and spiritually.
I am finding now that when I watch people drinking on TV shows, it makes me feel disgusted. As you say, I now view it as poison. Actual poison. Which it is. It made me fancy a drink myself back in the day, now it just makes me sick. So happy I have finally woken up.
Hangover, dehydration, anxiety, palpitations, high blood pressure, nausea, vomiting, impaired thinking that leads to deplorable actions… Engaging in alcohol poisoning is a form of self hate that I’d commit against myself because I hated myself. When I learned to love myself more, it had no place in my life. I’d actually change nothing about myself because if it weren’t for my past I don’t believe I could appreciate this evolution. God bless.
And I wouldn’t have gotten acquainted with you lovely people.
Good night all. Working diligently here on myself, maintaining a healthy balanced routine. Love your God , your family, friends, pets and country and yourself. At least its workng for me, for now.
Day 224
Wow, went for an orientation at a new job, a person who I will be working with lives in my city, actually works at the uni in my city I would like to work at one day. Now I have a connection. He seems like a nice guy, has a new baby. Hopefully in the future we can help each other out professionally.
@Lionfish you’re KILLING IT! What a beautiful post and what a great way to explain what it feels like to have to walk through times like these. That was really well written thank you for your post.
550 Days. It was very exciting to see 3 newcomers at the women’s AA meeting I lead. It’s been over a year since anyone new has come and it was a breath of fresh air. I find helping someone in early sobriety very rewarding. We do it here on the forum daily but it’s not the same as in person. I gave them my phone number and I hope to hear from them or see them back next week. What a great way to end a very busy work day.
So as most of you know I decided to do sober living for a bit, and the house I became a member of touted the “democratic process” but proved it doesn’t work that way.
As a house we are picking and choosing what bills to pay, and struggling to make due, yet one person in our home wants to use house funds for extravagant non necessities and will just do it if we don’t give him his way, he will constantly beat down on things till he gets his way, we will barely make rent this month, yet we’re dropping hundreds of dollars on non necessities.
I made mention of going away for a few days next month, little R&R, feel good, knowing they can’t stop me. They decide to punish me financially to keep me from leaving.
I made mention that I choose to be sober, AA, the big book, Sober Living doesn’t keep me sober, they are just tools, things we can use to assist in our journey, needless to say I was told how wrong I am.
I been told to sleep on it and give it some thought, but I think it’s time to vacate the toxic relationship I’m in with this living situation,
I’m actually adjusting to being at peace for a moment. I never want to normalize chaos again!
am I having a heart problem or some kind of heart arrhythmia. Only to drink a lot the next day and do it all over again. If I ever think about drinking again I hope someone mentions racing heart beat to me.
& 
