Welp. It looks like I’m heading back to the doctor to try and address my headaches. This many days and nights in a row is just untenable and starting to bring my mental health down. I am so grateful to have decent healthcare finally and the ability to make an appointment through an app and get seen tomorrow morning. If it came down to it I could call a 24/7 nurse line, too, but I believe I can just wait this night out. I am also grateful that my husband is so kind and has experienced chronic pain in his life. He cheers me up when he can and gives me space when I need. We will see what the doctor suggests! For now, I close my eyes and hope for sleep. ‘Night, folks. Sending love 
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Learning that a lot lately. White towels been thrown…
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Day 313. It was a good day. Tired. Goodnight, everyone.
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I’m doing fake it til you make it as well, Dolse71. Not in the best of places right now. Gonna focus on establishing healthier routines, behaviors, patterns. Hopefully the answers will come for you and I both.
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Sending well wishes your way. Praying for you. 
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Feel better soon Rosa
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Way to go on triple digits, keep on stacking them days ODAAT!
Blessings and sobriety!
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Thanks everyone for all the cheering up today! So thankful for all of you. I cried it out and ironically enough my 3.5 hour drive home by myself listening to all those inspirational podcasts really got me out of my funk. Plus I signed back up at the gym so that has me feeling optimistic.
@CapriciousCapricorn Hmm, this is an interesting contemplation! I feel you though. I would describe my life as growing up “kicking and screaming” so this normalcy takes some getting used to. Life is a mystery, indeed.
Yeah, I think you’re on to something there. They say addiction can stem from loneliness. Its definitely a new approach for me to try and tackle it without drugs and alcohol. Its something I need to actively keep working on and reaching out to people really helps. I made it through today! Thanks for being there for me.
@RosaCanDo Glad you’re back! Not glad about your headaches though! Bummer. Hopefully the doctor can help tomorrow.
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On day 3 after a relapse. Trying to ride the wave of emotions that come the first few days, I felt great earlier, but these last few hours have been full of sadness. I’m trying to pinpoint why, and I think it’s just the fact that I wish I could drink like a “normal” person, you know those people that just have 1 or 2 drinks and can go with their day or night. Wish I could do that after I get off work, but I’m not going too, cause I know if I do it will turn this wave of sadness into a tsunami of depressions. About an hour and a half left of work, can’t wait to get off, get home, chill with my dog, take a shower, get in bed and just watch a series or a movie. One day at a time 
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I get this! But you (and alas, I) know all about what a “spiked” holiday/vacation looks like, sigh…
I had to make a bit of a goofy game out of the first vacation, especially since it wasn’t particularly thrilling (covid restrictions, etc). Plan something fun, relaxing, new, whatever - doesn’t have to be big - that you wouldn’t do if you were drinking.
It will be like an adventure! There are whole parts on the sober map yet unexplored!
You’ll be way better for charting new territory, friend. We’ll stay tuned and watch that space to live the adventure with you. 
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Day 268
If I were still the drinking kind, this would be a messy, messy week. Moderation Schmoderation. Good thing I put that glass down…!
Have only been able to check in here and there from the sidelines and bleachers - and it makes me smile how much I miss it. We have a good thing going here, guys - don’t cha think?
Let’s give ourselves another day tomorrow, yeah? I know we have at least that in us.
G’night, sweet friends.
@Suzrene goodbye nicotine! You continue to amaze me. Keep at it, friend. 
@Joy goodbye nicotine for 600 days! Yep, you amaze me too.
@Milele congrats on 100!
@Girlinterrupted 300! and 1! Smiling over here for ya…
@Clarity they all said it already. you’re amazing, and you’ll meet your new IRL people.
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Congratulations on your 65 days.
Welcome to the group.
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You taking the time and trouble to reply will help me to stay dry, Emm. I don’t want to let you down.
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@Singtone When I first got sober I had 2 months off work. Depends on your personality, but I planned my days. I started every day with some sobriety activities (watch a video, catch a meeting, whatever), on mornings A C E I jogged, on morning B and D I stretched. I would do work from this time to this time, I would eat lunch and watch two episodes of X, etc. It helped.
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251.01 Days
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@liv_m yes is something new, I am back to day 1 but know I have someone controlling me closer. Hopefully I will follow the advice of the coach
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Thanks, Flo. I really value your response, as always.
It’s a funny thing. I’m not concerned about being overcome by an urge brought about by boredom or by a lack of structure. I’m concerned about making a conscious decision.
One of the biggest things that has kept me straight over the last 81 days has been the new found knowledge that alcohol stays in my system for 7-10 days. I previously thought that it was 2 or 3 days tops, depending on the size of the bender. I was off work for a week about 6 weeks ago, but that was below the 10 day threshold, so it wasn’t an issue. I’m going to be off for 16 full days, including three weekends, which means that I could drink for a few days and still be 10 days clear for work.
I know that this is flawed thinking, and that I would not stop after 4 or 5 days once I had reset my timer to day one. My addictive voice would easily win the ‘what’s the point?’ argument with a clouded, addled, jaded mind - particularly with another 10 days of holiday ahead of it.
I know all of this, and yet the thoughts are creeping into my mind. I am romanticising drinking because I have not felt the (many) downsides for so long.
I know what I need to do. I need to drink tons of water. I need to look at my gratitude list. I need to read This Naked Mind again from cover to cover. I need to listen to podcasts. I need to keep reading and keep posting in here. I need to stay active and busy, as you mentioned, Fleur.
I would also benefit a great deal from my wife deciding that she wants to continue on her sober run. It’s not an absolute deal breaker, but it would really help.
This community really helps. I don’t know any of you in real life, and I don’t even know what many of you look like - but I’ve grown used to coming in here, and I feel like I know some of your souls. I don’t want to give that up.
Apologies. This wasn’t meant to be such a big share. It just fell out of me.
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