This is a strong reoccurring one for me. I have the same background with it, I wasn’t an all day everyday smoker. So the thoughts about smoking definitely creep up just as much, if not more than my drinking thoughts these days.
I’ve come to the conclusion that my addiction is just trying to find loop holes and that for me personally I can find other forms of relaxation or relief from anxiety, that don’t involve weed.
Nice! Congratulations @Milel! I’m so freakin proud of you!
Thanks.
This group is the group I feel comfortable talking to.
Your words mean more than you know to me.
I’m staying strong.
Thanks so much @anon74766472
We have been letting her make her own meals and it’s not working so now we’re up. Doctors orders.
Your encouragement helps.
Some days that’s all we need to know. I’m in a relationship and I’m still lonely, in fact I don’t know if it’s a trait of the addict / alcoholic but I’ve always been lonely. I would be at a party with 100 people and be the one sitting in the corner on my own bc drugs would entertain my mind and a pint in my hand was all the company I needed, oh and while I’m sat there I would look around and analyse everyone there and they would all be dicks 
. Just saying 
hey you’ve got a great name 
Good you are here discussing it Geoff. You’re not going to do it now right. Let’s see it as a reminder of the cunning and the power of addiction. Keeps you sharp and us all with you. Nice to see you back with your rea’ name BTW.
Checking in.
Resigned from a committee I was chairing, which was a huge mental load and causing anxiety for all the work I felt I should be doing but wasn’t getting round to. While it is a weight off, I don’t feel great about it. It feels a bit like admitting defeat, another thing I’m not really managing…
I do think I’ve made the right call though and I am hoping that this period of discomfort will later turn out to be a period of growth. Trying to simplify things to help lead a good life, prioritising relationships and light and laughter over commitments and people pleasing and appearing like I have my shit together.
I don’t know when I started using commitments and volunteer work as a way of seeking validation, if it was while I was drinking or if that’s transferred now I’m sober. Either way it is something that needs addressing and for now the way to deal with it is to take a step back.
I’ve seen some conversations recently about struggling with the mundane and it clicks for me too. On the one hand I want this wholesome life which I know comes from keeping things simple, evening out the highs and lows. But I also want intensity and excitement, to do new things and be involved in everything. I know which one is best for me, but can’t quite bring myself to fully commit to it!
M7 D14
Tired and headachey today. Finished Step 5 yesterday, and woke up in the night and couldn’t help ruminating. Not bad ruminating, but lots to process. The kids start spring vacation today, they will go to a bbq at their grandparents.
Thanks Conor 
I’m trying.
I just took my $1400 stimulus check and paid down credit cards. As soon as I pay my 2020 taxes within the month, I’ll be paying off my car loan! It feels good to be using my money towards getting out of debt instead of weed, take out food and alcohol. #adulting
I often wander what normal is bc some people say, oh I want to be how I was before , but for people like us who have been using for decades and likely from youth there never was a before bc we never grew up and learnt how to be an adult and deal with adult things in an adult way. It’s like time traveling 30 plus years into the future and losing your memory - Who the fuck am I, where am I and what the hell shall I do now. I think I’ll search for answers and just fake it until I find some 
Great to see you Geoff.Guess who else is back…again…
Day 179 no alcohol. Day 53 no nicotine. I’m worn out tonight. It’s not even 8 pm, and I am ready for sleep. I’ve had some trouble sleeping this week, and I’m just trying to let the situation resolve naturally, without taking an OTC sleeping tablet. Probably best to just crawl into bed now and get what sleep I can.
@Milele congratulations on 100 days! Triple digits are awesome! Keep going!
@Dragonflygirl82, thank you for sharing today. I really needed to read that. I’m constantly battling with my need to be in control of every possible thing around me. Learning to let go is one of the biggest struggles of my sober life.
@singtone, I see you there with your 80 days. Awesome job!
Last straw was reached…I can no longer do this to my family or self. Looking forward to some chats with all of you…
Welcome back, glad to see you!
Day 76, things have been going great. Spent the weekend dating my girlfriend. Asked her on two dates which were amazing and so much fun! Truly believe in never stop dating your partner after you get together. Plus she’s my best friend so it’s always a BLAST in whatever we end up doing. This past weekend I also spent a lot of time gaining my knowledge with photography / videography editing to better my skills for my passion and business.
Stop fighting it mate you’ll never win, time to surrender and admit defeat. When we get to the point of we can’t live with it and we can’t live without it then without it sounds like a lot less hassle.
