Day 130 here… been awhile since I’ve checked in but I’ve remained sober… but I’m struggling with wanting to use right now and heres why… please no harsh comments. I have a lot more than just this going on as well… So here goes…the guy I have been seeing was arrested two nights ago for failing to register a current address because hes a registered sex offender. Found out yesterday for sure that hes also an addict but idk for sure if hes in recovery or active. I’ve never seen anything like that around him… I just wanna be so numb. I shouldnt miss him. But I do. I shouldn’t want to talk to him hold him hug him kiss him. Honestly all of this has broken my heart. And I know he shouldnt be able to break my heart, and I honestly didnt think he could. But he can and has. I think I love him and honestly I think I hate that just as much. I dont know how he got under my skin like this. But he did… I just keep reminding myself that if I continue to have a relationship with him… I will lose my entire family… I just wanna get high and not give a fuck anymore… I just wanna be numb. But I cant lose everything again… again please no harsh comments…
Hey, my heart goes out to you. Its so so hard. Love is a strong feeling and emotion, I am so sorry you are going through this.
I went through sort of a similar thing. It was really really hard to walk away. When I finally did though and the dust settled I realized I had lost all respect for this guy I thought I loved and eventually my feelings finally dissipated. This was just my experience. Stay strong, you can do this.
Thank you I really appreciate knowing someone else has a similar story. My mind and heart are just very hurt and very tired at this point… I’m about to eat for the first time in two days…
2 weeks today 
I am finding myself detaching from TS. I check it every day, however I dont care to post much. I scroll through the memes and selfies… heart this or that… but I do not feel the level of devotion i did before. I dont care as much…
This is why I always leave or am asked to leave groups… I stop caring. You relapsed? Ok… I relapsed? So? You have drama? Who doesn’t?
You’re woke? Not even close…cool pics though.
I clique with people, others I find myself enjoying for 30 seconds and then wishing would get abducted by aliens, and others I delight in their destruction. I think I should take a break… not from sobriety. I’m still nicotine free. Take a break from stalking the selfies and wishing we were best friends… it’s not healthy.
Day 79, was supposed to have a photoshoot today that I was so freaking excited for and of course I got blown off. It really sucked because she told me she would be late then never heard from her again. I literally felt like I wasted a whole day waiting for her when I would have been okay with a simple I can’t make it so I could do other things. But in the long run I guess I did get time to revamp my IG which was a good thing on my end to make up for a shoot lost.
Not doing the shoot made me a huge lack of self worth and I wanted to drink so badly. So instead my mom came and got me and took me to my brother business (karate school) and I got to play with the kids in games and then we all watched a movie. So that helped me stay away from doing anything worse that I would regret.
Two good things happened after a terrible waste. I got to revamp my IG and I’m sober for another day I’m the books.
Day 280,
Very mixed.
Yesterday I woke up anxious as hell, but caught it and then got super excited.
Today I felt depression, nothing specific, it’s just unreal like, I have my life starting to come together, which is phenomenal, I’ve gone beyond my years wasted half my life, and finally started to find missing pieces I’ve been looking for.
But I’m on other people’s timelines, it’s frustrating cause i know what I want, but I’m at the mercy of others. Which doesn’t sit well with me I hate not having a set timeline
Thank you @TSan!
I see you got your first vaccine. I had both and felt a big relief. Freedom is on the way.
I feel like I can feel the pain in your words. Walking away isn’t an easy path to take. You can’t let this take your sobriety though, thats for sure. Keep reaching out when you need us. Staying busy really helped me. Time heals a lot too.
Late second check in, just got the rest of what I wanted to get done for my tattoo to honor the ones I love and lost. Fingers are a little dirty from the wiped off ink though. Hope everyone had a great day today, love you guys! 
Such a great tattoo, its perfect!!
I feel for you as well. I don’t know much about what you’re going through because I’ve never been through that but I do know about being in love and the pain of a broken heart. I hope you find some peace soon and I’m proud of you for reaching out here and sharing what you’re going through with us, that’s awesome.
Awwww thanks Sarah!!!
21 days… 3 WEEKS! This is the longest I have been sober for since I was 15 years old. Today I woke up feeling great, going to have a workout and then a lazy day in bed watching Netflix. I’ve also lost 3 kgs in these 3 weeks, and I have not changed my diet at all. (its alot for me as I’m not a big person to begin with) all the plus boxes are starting to be ticked as time is going on… It’s getting better slowly but surely. I know I’m still going to have bumps to get over. But If I can make it this far I can carry on 
I go through waves like this as well. And who knows where I will be in one year or two months. It’s up to us to seek if what we do is still serving us or not. For a long time hearing things like what I just wrote would have evoked some kind of feeling trapped like, aha,you tell me that I can do but you put it in a way that I feel like I am running away from something.
I remember a funny pic saying in German:
Kannst du ruhig so machen, dann isses halt scheiße. Oder : ist das Kunst oder kann das weg?
But this is not what I want to tell you.i think your feelings are valid.
Edit. Maybe I delete the pic later as I guess someone will misunderstand me.
1077, checking in sober. Kinda crazy night… just happy to be home and have sobriety. Ran into some old friends while I was out tonight. I ended up taking them home because they were falling all over the place, could barely hold themselves up. dropping drinks… after I took them home, I went back to where I was at (I was out watching live music) and picked up my friend that I left there since I was her DD.
anyways, just couldn’t be more grateful. Seeing people just have zero authority over their bodies gave me some crazy flash backs. It was a good night… just so grateful to be here and alive. Thank God for Recovery.
ich liebe es! Danke für das Lachen.
I have similar feelings, getting detached, taking days off. It’s probably never be the same as at the beginning, when I was here literally day and night and devoted myself to the max. It’s totally ok. There is so much personal drama and everyday life here that it’s impossible to be involved all the time at the same level – and we don’t even have to anyway.
Stalking and being stalked is a recurring theme at you, I guess it also can make involvement more difficult - feeling excited and let down. You can mute the selfie thread if it makes it easier for you, so you still have support in your sobriety. Or you can track down these feelings (even by sharing here) to find out what’s behind them.