lol
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Good to hear from you Maria even when itās hard 
Youāre missed in our zooms
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- Yesterday while working on my Harley, my friends were getting so drunk it was actually pretty annoying lol. I played a joke on my friends and when they went to the store I was like hey pick me up a couple beers plz
they both stopped and honestly they looked happy and like they were ready to do it. I didnāt stop working on my bike till like 2 in the morning when I came home, I walked in the door and my mom was coming down the stairs to check and see if I was in my room. It made me kind of sad, even after a year she still worries, she told me she was a little scared I may have drank. But we sat and talked for a while and had good conversation. Idk Iām mumbling, have a good day
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@Rockstar24777 and @Fargesia_murielae thank you so much! I looked up some pictures of him as a kid and put it on my puja. I was like his big sister. And he always kept asking āMellie, Spellie doenā. I was and still am the outdoorsie type so playing rumikub and monoply with him for days must have meant he was important to me. I lost track of him when my mom died 20 years ago and I learned only last year, that was when he started to drink wanting to die. He was weird (just like me) but in a uncontrolable agressive way, put away in special schools and such. but I saw his sweet side and his massive fear of not fitting in. Life turned me into a shy girl and him in something else.
The thought of him wasting away his 20ās trying to drink himself to death is so sad. Life is about fun, about growth and about happy times and sharing love.
But that can only be cultivated when we do not shy away from the dark.
I think it will be my lifeās work to battle this way we tend to spiritual bypass the darkness. Sometimes we are in the dark and it takes only one hand to guide us out or switch on the light. It is by denying parts of our existence that we continue to suffer lot of times. Secrets tore our family apart. While it is not our job to judge right. not even our HPās job.
And I do not say this to preach, but because I have to hear this myself over and over again.
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hey sweet olivia! Every tuesday and saturday I plan on joining but my health is just to fragile. insomnia and pain make me not the most fun company so most of the time I am already in bed. Did I tell you I am the most boring person on the planet hahaha.
and I have to try and keep my life afloat. In spirit I am always there, 
and hope to sit my ass in front of that camera soon again! Enjoy the albondigas!!! 
oh. and still want to move to finland. Yesterday with us in the news it stated that finland is the happiest country in the world
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Checking in sober at the end of day 76. Another sober Saturday. Three months ago, I couldnāt imagine doing one - and this is eleven straight. 
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
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It took me quite some time to catch up on this thread, as well as #27. I have missed so many amazing accomplishments through milestones and experiences of fighting the good fight. I truly missed so many peeps here and have missed checking in daily.
A belated shout out to my bros a lil ahead of me at their 9 months. @Piglet & @Rockstar24777.
@Lisa07 So glad to hear youāre feeling better and the effects didnāt last long.
@anon60334405 OMG bro sheās a beauty. I really miss the days of āHarley Therapyā but now enjoy Jeep Therapy. Thereās nothing more free feeling, imo, than letting the elements flow around your body as you clear your mind.
277 days. Found this, from my Amiga, on another thread and it really hit me. Allowing shit to settle around me hasnāt been my strong suit and seeing healing while seeing no progress has been difficult. I found myself in a really tough place last week and was so close to saying fuck it all and giving up. I was again romanticizing my drinking days and wishing for my āold lifeā back. My stubbornness is what truly saved me as I told myself no relationship nor situation is worth drinking over and Iām stronger than that. So here I stand, with wobbly legs, maintaining my longest stretch of sobriety.
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Amazing!!! I feel ya 100% on this one. This is how a lot of the ā200āsā has felt for me. This is a great reminder that sometimes we canāt see our progress but its definitely there. Glad you are here and didnāt give up!
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Is this so naive or are the dealers may be trying to remember you that the susbstance is still there and wanted to temp you to get Back at it? Sorry. I donāt know the whole story but this resonates
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Great job Chris. So happy for ya.
You da man!
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Congratulations on your 180 days.
Or 6 months.
Or just for today right?
Keep kicking ass.
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OMG OMG OMG 
Thank you @Conor689908 
I donāt think @Englishd is into this, so even though Iām feeling really down and am in need of a pick-me-up ā¦ 
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I screenshot this just for you
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One week! Wooo! 
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Itās my first dayā¦Iāve had enough. I cant seem to go a Friday/Sat/Sunday without drinking
ā¦it may not seem like a lot but i had 2 shots of tequila and 5 beers. I had no occasion to drink, and am addicted. Iām going to really try this time.
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Thatās what Iām talking about @Lisa07 !!
The number after the decimal point matters. I might have to frame it. I have a location ready for it.
No pressure @Englishd
Really.
Well just a smidge.
Or not.
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@Francisco1 congrats on 600+ days 
@Mahoit congrats on all of your numbers
@Lauquin congrats on 3 days I think the dealers canāt believe Iām not using anymore so they are watching to see who Iām buying from or something, it doesnāt make sense to me after nearly 7 months.
@Mtrav0040 prayers for your mother
@Fury congrats on 9 months
@Maria sending strength sorry for your loss 
@Littlemac congrats on your month
@Englishd great catch! 
222 days no alcohol.
190 days no cocaine.
17 days no binge-eating.
I was on edge as soon as I woke up this morning, wondering what time the dealers would make an appearance, so I did it, I phoned the police, said I wanted to report stalking behaviour, explained whatās been happening, the police said they wouldnāt consider that stalking behaviour, just normal drug dealer behaviour and thereās nothing they could do! I gave the number/registration plate though so they have some intelligence and maybe theyāll get pulled up over it someday. The police told me I should just go about my days like normal, so I decided to go for a walk this morning, it was nice but it didnāt relax me like it usually does.
There was stress last night because I needed a guarantor for my reference checks but my dadās accounts arenāt up to date and my brother said no because he needs to get a remortgage this year and it would come under additional responsibilities, so I thought I was going to lose the flat. However, I didnāt dare make a phone call, but I emailed the estate agent and explained, and sent images of all my evidence of funds and said I would pay the whole years rent upfront, and the last email I received 2 hours later said āReceived, thanks. We will send out draft contracts early next weekā So I think this means Iāve been accepted! 
I will move in from 7th April, and my sale is completing on 16th April, so plenty of time to get my current place cleaned up for the buyers. Sweet relief! Anxiety wonāt let me relax until the keys are in my hand for the new place and the funds are in my account from completion, but things are progressing in the right direction it seems
I have also found another job I can apply for, itās the one that they said Iād be more than suitable for when the gave me feedback from my last interview, so hereās hoping this is the one! 
I hope youāre all having enjoyable weekends 
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Thank you!!! Itās very much appreciated.
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