Hang in there, it will get easier. Have you read any “quit lit” yet? That is one of the things that helped me a lot, and if you don’t have the time or inclination you can always listen to the audiobook version. Just remember you only have to be concerned about today and putting your head on the pillow sober tonight.
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- My head is on my pillow, and I am sober. For me, being sober is much more than not drinking…its fixing the “why I drank”. I have an Assitant manager who has all makings of an alcoholic and addict. I see the “old” me in her. I know there is nothing I can say to her to make her change. It is her discovery to make. She knows my story, and I will have to stand by her with my hand out. Eventually she will need to grab it.
It gives me pause, reflection…of where I was, where I am, and where I hope to be.
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Thank you. I’m glad I’m not the only one lmao
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Thanks. I did push though and I’m so glad I did. I guess sometimes you have to ride the wave back to shore. I’m feeling so much better for it. Thanks for the support. X
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Checking in at 3.53 am. I’ve been awake since 2, feeling shivery and headachey. A result of the vaccine yesterday. I’m thankful for this reaction. I’m thankful to have had the opportunity to have the vaccine.
I can’t help but think about all the mornings I’ve lied awake feeling weakened or shivery due to hangovers. How amazing would it be to never have that again? So although I will be tired tomorrow, I will try focus on the fact I’m on day 14 
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I’m so sorry to hear Pa is in the hospital, I hope he is better soon. 
Uggh, tweenie and her mother need to go and live their lives and not spread their miserable shit wherever they go.
Don’t let this derail you, sweetie. You’re a strong lady…
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Thank you for sharing that with me. I do really think I need to do exactly that. I slept till 3pm today again riddled with anxiety. I think I might write a list down of what I need to say and what I need to be heard etc… I dragged my self outta bed now and I’m going to take myself across the road to the lake with a journal and pen and sit and write what I need to yell to them 
if I stay inside my apartment I’ll crawl back into bed so up n at em’ 
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I know it can be really hard to talk to professionals. Like how the hell do I condense X number of years shit into a 2 minute chunk I can say in an appointment when u are half listening and tapping away at ur keyboard. Writing it down and even practicing so u can say what u need to is a great idea.
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- Coffee. Raining. Sad my mini vacation is over but happy I did it at the right moment for that were two glorious days of cycling in the sunshine. And I have 10 days of holidays left . First now it’s over to some serious business as we are going to evaluate our group therapy so far today as it’s the 20th out of a total 60 sessions. Got some homework to do. I did make some good and important steps forward. Many more to go. A couple forward and a couple back but just that more forward. All because of being sober and clean. Without I’d never be able to do this. One day at a time. Thanks for being here all. Knowing I’m not alone is so important. Have as good a day as you can friends. Love to you all. The pic is from La Redoute, one of the steepest nastiest climbs in the Ardennes.
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day 4.
Feeling foggy today. Got up n showered and went for a walk to my local shops to get a coffee. It was 4pm so the sun was making its way down on my walk home. I took a different path home. It was a nice walk. The leaves are SO beautiful right now falling all over the pavement. I rarely bring my phone when I go out for walks. I like to take in what’s happening around Me. If I have my phone, I stop and take to many photos and really Miss the actual moment, you know what I mean? I like to walk with no headphones on lately , it let’s me receive thoughts, instead of listening to them through a podcast etc… The sunset outside my window on the lake has been magical these past few days 
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On Day one again. Feeling like shit again. This can not be Day one again and again and again. This have to be Day one, for the last time.
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Day 261
Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. My husband said yesterday he wouldn’t do anything. We never do gifts, but seeing as it is 15 years, I thought maybe he would at least pick up a couple of donuts or something while I was at work (he was off today, it is a national holiday here). I know, if u don’t say what u want, u won’t get it, and I didn’t get anything for him, so it is a bit sexist to think he would get something. But still, feeling a bit less than special.
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Congratulations on 15 years being married. That’s such a long time 
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Checking in on day 8. Not much to say today. all is good 
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Same with my guy. He is so very literal and I have to ask at least that he get me something plus give him ideas. He’s never been much of a gift giver and there’s a whole history there. But what has worked better for us is planning something together. Even if it’s just watch a favorite movie and order pizza. This year we are going to plant our container vegetable garden for the occasion. Happy anniversary! Marriage is hard work and managing to stay married should be celebrated LOL! 
We are celebrating 14 yrs on the 14th of May.
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That’s being present April. Good stuff. There’s an analogy to living clean and sober IMO. Let’s live life! Hugs.
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Family
Day 2. I decided to join my first AA meeting, it was online but thoroughly enjoyed it. I’m looking forward to actually going to an in person one. I was kinda sceptical about the God aspect but one of the guys shared that when he joined initially he used the collective sobriety of everyone there as his higher power - opened my mind to new possibilities. Today is a great day.
Hope y’all are going well too 
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