I haven’t fucked up yet. I no I need to do this for my girls, but deep inside part of me is being selfish and doesn’t want to fight for those days again, I don’t want to count all the way to a year again, by then I’d of been two fucking years sober. I’m having a harder time accepting this relapse then Im admitting, and honestly idk if I’ll stay sober because of it. I’d probably have a easier time restarting if it wouldn’t of been a year. All that hard work out the window. I wish I could find the positives in this
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Maybe ur instinct to not focus on the days is a good one? Just focus on what u did sober today. I did x at work, I did y with my girls. Why not post on the daily gratitude thread so u can acknowledge what u r getting RIGHT each day?
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Well done for the 4 months Monty! 
Welcome back @Becsta!
Great picture @Mno! I watched old pictures of my family with my aunt yesterday. It was lovely to hear all the stories behind them. Glad I kept them all.
Congratulations @littlemisschatterbox with the
months!! 
And you @Beachy with 
months!! 
Your hard work isn’t gone @anon53116147! I know how you feel I relapsed after 5 years sober, it sucks. But your toolbox is still filled with everything you have learned. It’s still there! Pick it up where you left it and move When you have more sober days the confidence will come back and you will feel better. 3 steps forward and 2 steps back is still moving forward!
Going for a long hike in nature myself today: my therapy.
Have a nice day TS people
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I feel you struggling Mike. My son crashed and burned after a year of sobriety. He was pretty upset. And it was hard to get back up and stay up. He’s got 6 years now. Or is it 7? Or is it 5? It doesn’t really matter now.
Maybe just for today you do it for the girls.
Maybe tomorrow you do it for the girls.
Maybe the day after you do it for yourself. Whatever drives you.
Keep checking in. You still got that year plus. No one can take that away from ya. You fucking earned and work your ass off for it.
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9m 13d
Another two soul-sucking online classes. 30 black muted squares. When I asked for responses I got some thumbs-up so I know some are paying attention but I hate it so much.
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Morning 
. Hopefully weather better in UK this week . Been wet and windy . Be nice to have some 
. Tough weekend this week . Tried to spend sometime with my ex last week to see if we could move on but disaster. To many resentments on both sides . She has been sober for 4 years which is amazing . I wasnt much help through her early recovery and she is still angry with me and I cant still be completely honest with myself about what I really want because I don’t know . I’m 43 and share a house with my son who is 20 . We’ have lived together for 3years and it’s the only time I have been stable in my life . Before this I lived with my partner or where ever j could . I only had 2 binbags of stuff when I rented a place for my son as I
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Checking in, day 200. Life is tough but not hopeless at the moment and it’s fair enough. Hope you have a nice day, everyone!
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Oops . Was a chaotic person who didn’t care about himself, enjoyed drinking taking drugs and getting into trouble for most my life . Choosing to try and live a sober life has been hard these last 3 years has been hard but rewarding and given me stability that j never had and self worth because j was able to provide properly for my son and also see more of my family . I have had quite a few slips but haven’t fallen back into the old groove . I am truly thankful for this . I have been to AA meetings many times and they were really helpful and reading other people’s struggles and stories on here is really helping as well . Thankyou 
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This has been my day today. I absolutely hate it. Haven’t been this close to drinking in 140 days.
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Perhaps it’s not a case of trying to find the positives? Maybe look at the negatives of going back to that life. Focus on those. You know what it was like Mike, it was hell. You just opened the door to it and had another taste. And it was awful. What will you lose if you go back to that life? What’s the likely outcome seriously.
Dig deep man.
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Congratulations on your 200 days Tomek
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That’s good advice. I’m going to go out for a walk now. Thanks for your response.
I’ve settled a bit since earlier today, but I’m still really thirsty.
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Lets dig deep, drinking would only make it worse!
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That kills all motivation! I feel you. I gave online lessons for 10 weeks as a guest lecturer Is it possible to begin with a warm up round or an energizer? Or maybe you can split the class in breakup rooms with an interactive assignment? Don’t know if you have the chance to experiment a little with that. I used the chat a lot for questions and suggestions too. I didn’t allow to switch off the camera, cuz I know they don’t pay attention at all and do all kinds of other things. I got so much negative feedback from my students and I tried harder every week. At a certain moment I broke and had tears in my eyes when I spoke my mind. Eventually that helped. They saw me as on object not as a person and now they saw that I’m a human too. I really hope the attitude and dynamics will change for you! Are there other teachers with whom you can talk too and find new ways to interact more?
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- Coffee. One more late shift and it’s my weekend. Too bad I’ll miss most of the Giro d’Italia today as they are riding through the most scenic mountain range by far I ever rode myself, the Dolomites
.
reading through the last 100 or so of posts on this thread, the title of it couldn’t be more true for me. Milestones, struggles, daily life, dramas, victories, the whole scale and scope of human experience is right here. Givng me and all of us willing to participate or just read exactly the focus we all need to keep ourselves sober and clean. One day at a time.
Thanks so much for being here all. We’re a crazy mixed bunch of people, each with their own challenges and dreams and circumstances. But we all fight towards the same goal. It helps me so much to be here. Forever in your debt and forever in my heart. Love from Amsterdam and the Dolomites in 1998.
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I do use breakout rooms but they tend to revert to Japanese unless I am there. For privacy reasons they are allowed to turn camera off. I did use chat, but replying to them all, some in Japanese was hard too. I am a member of a teaching online fb group so we can bounce ideas together.
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26 days sober, separated from my husband for 10 days and all the anxiety, selfworthloss and cravings are literally gone, I belive for good. I will still pray and stay dedicated!
Working out almost everyday, following my productive and mom routine as perfect as I can. Feeling good! Good luck everyone!
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Sounds great, keep at it!
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