325 days no alcohol.
293 days no cocaine.
19 days no binge-eating.
I very nearly ordered yum yums to binge this morning, but I managed to fall back asleep for a while instead, thankfully the thought entered my head of having to restart my counter yet again, and that deterred the thoughts.
Had ED therapy today, we only have 2 more sessions left, the door remains open afterwards but it is recommended to take a break from therapy and practice what I’ve learned for a while, I can call them if ED behaviours escalate and I start going backwards, so that’s reassuring. For the next two weeks we will be focusing on my nightmares, and I have to try to identify my thoughts between waking and any unstructured eating during the night, and then any thoughts after I’ve eaten, the plan is also to try a specific guided meditation that she did send me two weeks ago but I completely forgot about until part way through our session this afternoon. She also wants me to speak to my doctor about having a blood glucose test along with U&Es because she and the dietician are concerned that I’m drinking 12 litres of fluid every 24 hours. I’ve been like this for years, insatiably thirsty, I think it’s my mental health meds that cause it, but will mention it anyway. The depressing part of all this is that I’m not losing any weight, and while I know that’s not the goal of therapy, it’s still a goal of mine, which I fear could trigger the behaviours again once I’m left to my own devices.
I have made the decision to stop using nicotine when I next run out of vape liquid, I’ve got about 5 days worth left, which means my first day without it will be the day both of my cats are having surgery, and if I can get through that without it, then I can get through most days.
I think it’s a very smart move to be thinking about your one year milestone now. Not that you should overthink it, just know it’s coming. I’ve seen plenty of people fly through it gracefully into year two. I’ve also seen plenty of people land not so gracefully. Personally I found it challenging and think it would have helped if I’d braced myself for it better. I found it emotionally very challenging for a few reasons.
And I love that you are thinking about it because it shows such confidence that you will get there. So I know you will
Like @icebear said, do something nice for yourself. You did this for you. You deserve it. You should acknowledge and thank yourself for doing something brilliant.
I got 13 months yesterday. I’ve been struggling lately with life stuff.
Not sure which way is up sometimes.
Very low today. I may step back from here, sometimes it is tough to rise above the fray.
Thanks to my crew for always being there.
I’ve been really thinking about my approaching one year and I realized yesterday just how terrified I am. I have done this twice before…the one year always feels likes it’s just fun a challenge and once I hit it I don’t know where to go. It always gets harder for me. This time around I only started day 1 when I started training last summer for the day across minnesota race to help with training and performance. After the race I knew I wanted to do it again so I stayed sober for this years coming race in August. After my race I don’t have anything pushing me to keep going. I’m really realizing the severity of my addiction and am trying to put together the pieces for future success. Probably going to give therapy another go.
That’s great!! The future always scares the shit of of me. Especially when booze thoughts enter my head. So I’m just going to enjoy one day at a time. Struggle or no struggle. I’m not drinking today, and I’m probably not drinking tomorrow. That’s all I got in me today anyway.
It must be very gratifying to be sober and ride your bike across Minnesota. What an accomplishment on so many levels.
Well. . . somewhat disconnected from here for a few days and doing a fair amount of catch-up so excuse the amount of space I’m using lol
@M-be-free49 Congratulations on your 1 year. Keep fighting the good fight cuz you’re kicking ass at kicking ass and I absolutely love reading your progress within your shares. @manishc Congratulations on triple digits. You’ve come a long way and your drive and determination really shows. I’m proud of you. @apes2020 Your connection with birds runs deep and to me speaks volumes about your soft and kind hearted soul. Like others it’s hard for me to see certain animals in captivity but I believe any bird would be lucky to have you as their human companion. @Its_me_Stella OMG D, 18 months is awesome. Being on this journey with you has been my pleasure. I so appreciate your honesty within your shares and can’t say enough about what your support means to me. If I could bring you OPA I would! Hope you did something special to celebrate. @MrsOdh Your door looks awesome and so inviting. @Sunny11 Great to hear your recovery is going well. @Mephistopheles Thanks for sharing this; it sent chills through my body and such a good reminder how easy it could be to throw a life down the drain. @anon53116147 Awesome job on 1 week. @Jennajen You’ll be truly missed. All the best to you.
@Misokatsu I so feel you on this and was pondering such questions a few weeks ago. MAKE PLANS. CELEBRATE YOU. Ask your husband if he would like to join in your celebration; you may be surprised at his response. BUT, no matter his response, celebrate you every day because every day sober is a victory. @Olivia Congratulations on your 9 months. Your presence here with your shares and support is astounding and I love having you alongside me on this journey. @Clarity Enjoy your connection with nature. May it do wonders for your mind and spirit. @CATMANCAM Good job on not ordering the yum yums. Just a suggestion but could you set yourself a timeframe to practice your tools learned in therapy without any measurements of weight? I know weight-loss is your goal, but can you focus on one goal at a time in terms of your ED behaviours? @DLS Awesome job on 13 months lady. Struggles are real and living life on life’s terms isn’t easy but you’re doing it. Should you choose to step away know you will be truly missed. Sending love and strength.
380 days Not too sure if it’s irony or coincidence but the memorial for my cousin who passed away in February has been set for the end of July/beginning of August. I am planning a trip to be away for the entire weekend and am looking forward to gathering with my family while being given my opportunity to say goodbye and seek closure. While planning for my trip I grieve the loss of my cousin and the recent loss of my girlfriend. Grief sure sneaks up in weird ways as I find myself bawling with no notice but reflecting on memories. Although it’s Canada Day here I just can’t celebrate it this year as my heart also mourns the loss of too many innocent children. With a heavy heart I am thankful for having plans to get together with another family for swimming and a BBQ. Much love to all here.
Congratulations both on the eleven months and the whole biking across a state thing. A big state. I might be able to bike across Rhode Island or something
I know what you mean by having something to focus on in the future. I hope you find something, but don’t forget that sobriety is a wonderful goal itself. You are doing awesome.
Day 970. Checking out. Not having a good mood. Think it’s fucking hormones.
Anyway, tomorrow day off. And amazingly I succeeded in building/changing an apk for my loop after a friend showed me how. Hating android studios but of course only bc I have absolutely no clue what I am doing and reading the docs, well forget about that. Chinese for me.
Last night whilst I was chilling at home winding down for the night watching Netflix, I had this over whelming feeling that something is missing In my life… Im very happy in life , I’m not sad or depressed or down in anyway, but out of no where this feeling came over me… Its was unfamiliar, because I never feel in terms of “lacking” in my life… even though I am currently working hard to attain a few certain goals, I still don’t feel lacking in my life… But last night a feeling of there’s something missing in my life washed over me…I feel good now this morning as im waking up and writing this… But its definetly something I will meditate over this morning…
and see if I get any clarity on what I’m being guided too
I also had a very strong dream where I’m pretty certain I was in an alternative linear reality… As soon as I woke up I remembered the feeling that I was feeling in that alternative reality, it was me experiencing it but another version of me…the feeling I felt there , gave me guidance for this reality and as soon as I woke up I remembered it… Very very cool experience
Also, I’m 3/4’s of the way through OTP course and after much consideration, ive decided to exit the course now early. Ive learned all I need to at this point… I’m feeling strong and confident in my recovery and the literature at this point along in class is not really rocket science and I feel I know what I need to know… I’ve been in OTP for over two months now… Two months of day OTP is a strong start to continue my journey of sobriety solo… I learnt alot in OTP , but the time has come to be in the real world full time now and its my time to shine
not necessarily this community but don’t stop doing all the things that got you where you are today. I’ve been in many good places and always managed to find my way back to day 0.
At some point though we do need to start living and enjoying what time we have earned ourselves. Take care
