Could be better. Was diagnosed with Covid about 2 weeks ago. It’s been a living hell. Then I missed my dads 80th birthday party on sat. All my kids flew/drove in for the party and I missed it all. I went back to ER on Sunday since I was getting worse. I was on the 3rd wave of the virus. Basically this is where people have died. I have pneumonia now. Getting a tiny bit better each day. I want to go and drink myself to sleep and never wake up. But seeing 2 out of my kids briefly on Sunday deters that thought quickly. I couldn’t even see my son and his fiancée cause they had to drive back to AZ. My daughters were crying later to their mom thinking I was going to die since that was what their uncle died of last weekend. Alcohol will only make this whole thing worse. I just need prayer. I know a lot of people have been praying for me. I’ve been resting like a bear and drinking lots of fluids. Still no appetite. Lost 10lbs in 3 days. I need to eat but been so depressed. I can’t even stand up for more than 30 seconds without feeling light headed. I just want to run away and cry somewhere…
This is one of my most favorite movies of all time and this scene…well, describes my life. I’m Neo, fighting over and over and over and over to no avail in this life. Morpheus is the answer to overcoming and being victorious. It’s not as easy as it seems. I’ve fought and loss with divorces, dui’s, relationships, accidents, jail, 30 years of alcohol, job loss, foreclosure, my doggies, my car, my license, my dignity, my pride, my esteem, and now Covid. I know life is up and down but I’m too young to die and I’m scared. As a Christian I know I’ll be with the Lord and my loved ones but I’m still scared…especially when the doc releases you with a thought that dying is in the cards…
Day 360
I made it to SC! Oh man, putting on my pajamas… I just had this wave of happiness fall all over me. My kid is watching a movie with my moms foster kids (whom my mom told me she is adopting btw) and I am all alone listening to crickets and eating popcorn. Spent the night catching up with my grandma on the back porch watching the fireflys. Since I have been sober I have been really on top of sending people gifts, especially my grandma… she now has a nice collection of lawn ornaments on her back porch. Lol. I love that she has them all displayed.
Just feels good to be home.
I was a little worried about relapsing… this is the same place I relapsed almost one year ago… but I really think that was it for me. I don’t want to go back. @Chosen2001 Oh man, praying hard for you. You have endured so much, I know you can pull through this. You are in my thoughts. Keep us posted on how you are doing @Dolse71 HECK YEAH!! 10 months!!
I haven’t posted or read much in quite a while of this or any thread other than the gratitude one, which I do everyday . I see so much good going on though, keep it up friends. @Tyler closing in on a year @apes2020 almost at 3 months. @Joy still crushing it over 700 days @Hazy over 100 days @Bomdhil still trying bro never give up. And everyone else you all matter.
As for me trying my best to do the next right thing. Learning to thank my Higher power regardless if it was a good or bad day. I am still attending 12 step meetings three or four times a week. Working with counsellors, sponsors and sponsees. Volunteer cooking four dinners a week. Rebuilding broken relationships with family and trying to make new healthy ones with friends. I have officially been living at this house a year now as of today so that’s pretty cool. I also haven’t drank or done drugs in 18 months as well as 8 months without a cigarette.
Wishing you all success. God bless you all. &
p.s. You are amazing and a star so shine bright. Ya you!!
Oh Chris. God Bless you sir. I am so sorry you are going through this. God will give you a tiny bit of wellness each day. And soon you will be able to thank him and love and be loved by your family. It’s so great to have God by your side. He will give you strength. And you will overcome this. You will be in my prayers for healing.
@Chosen2001 , so sorry to hear this news, and I hope you are back on your feet in no time. @Dazercat , my good buddy, been thinking of you and praying for strength and peace for you and your wife. Will be thrilled when this heart stuff is safely behind you.
I didn’t drink today, probably not drinking tomorrow. Seeing/reading too many people self-destruct when they have to reset. We get to be sober today. We win if we were sober today.
Day 356
Quick morning workout inside this morning but had to skip the bike. Air quality index up to 183! Normally it rains too much here for the fires to affect our air here but getting worse the past few years.
Had to do a self performance review at work today and that was a struggle but glad to do it sober. Going to do a quick sleep meditation and try to get work out of my brain before bed.
Good morning all check in on day 26,keep active which is really helping my mental health and post induced aniexty, staying accountable, taken on service that helps me get my arse on a seat weekly, off to the beach for the evening with my kids for a mini treat for hitting 30 day soon. Have a blessed day.
& 
I’m now occupying my time at th gym focussing on my fitness