Well being honest. Day zero cocaine. Still 48 no alcohol. I know I can push forward I’m not doin this to myself again.
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OK. So plz don’t do this to yourself. Be very careful brother. ODAAT.
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1099 days alcohol free. Happy Tuesday. Stay safe to those people who are gonna get hit by these storms in the midwest tonight
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- Had to deal with my head thinking about drinking today. FFS. It’s really shite having thoughts like that when Im trying hard to steer in the right direction. Went to AA this evening and home with no drink. I survived another day. I’m grateful for this and hope my head doesn’t torture me tomorrow. ODAAT.
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Checking in on day 26 
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Just went to bed and had a trip down memory lane…
Beware, foto in link is not pretty
September 2020 it was I think or 2019, it will say in the link but now with another set of ops coming I red it back and discovered that at that time I really believed it would have been the last one…
Now we know otherwise and I guess I wanted to thank all the people here that pulled me through with good vibes, messages and a lovely bunch of TS cards from all over.
That’s what family means I guess … kinda new for me at that point but p.e. @Lisa07 @Mno @DLS @Girlinterrupted @SoberWalker @anon57836609 @Jimieg @Flamestar @Dolse71 and so many more… No @ ds left
If you’d not allready knew… Then this is me expressing " it matters "
And I can only be gratefull and hope you guys will be there for me on the next ride.
12th radiology, 25th operation planning and then I guess a date with narcoses again 
I’m glad I’m here ! 050nl… Check out
Sleep well peopz
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You can and you WILL definitely push forward!! For yourself, for your tattoo business, and for your girls!
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Congratulations Lee. 5 months! Look at you go!! Great job 
I’m so happy to see this one.
I’m not drinking today with you. And I’m probably not drinking tomorrow with you too. Love it 
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My friend.
I posted awhile back. Can’t find it now. But I read actually talking out loud to yourself is a good tool when you are having urges. You just proved that.
Sober on buddy.
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Lots of great milestones to celebrate today.
Great job
@Mike69 on 2 weeks awesome
@Jfrat 10 months. Look at you go.
@icebear Drew the big “six oh” that’s huge!
@Sunny11 almost cake time. 
Way to go everyone!!
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590 days of “Getting better at getting better” as Steve says
Being in bed for so many days and unable to attend meetings with my new crew has started to wear a little on me. As soon as I noticed my self defeating thoughts surface I did what I was taught… got my head out of my ass and reached out. I do not feel well enough to get myself to a meeting tonight so I asked for a ride from a homegroup member who wasn’t even going to the meeting. That didn’t matter, they were happy to go and get me there. That is what addicts helping other addicts is about… but we can not help each other if we don’t know when the other is in need. I said straight out… " I feel my spirit withering could you please give me a ride to the meeting?"
I NEVER ask for help… it makes me so uncomfortable but I see where not asking for help has gotten me in my life. I see where allowing my self sabotaging, self defeating thoughts have gotten me in my life. I will get as uncomfortable as I need to make sure I never get to those dark places again.
Reach out.
Don’t sit in your own shitty thoughts.
Ask for help.
Be grateful.
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Day 107
@Mno you inspired Me to drag my bike from under my bed and re assemble it 
I took it apart when last lockdown ended , but now that we are back in lockdown and its about to be extended again today, I decided I would put my Bob the builder hat on and attempt at asembeling my bike… And I did it!! I feel sooooo accomplished because I’m usually useless at putting stuff together 
Today is a great day!!
Also I’m loving listening to brene browns podcast lately… She is a great podcaster/author
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420 days. It’s been an odd day of sorts and we have gone from wicked heat to coolness. Ready to crawl under my blanket and catch some Netflix, with or without my eyes open is uncertain 
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It has been quite a while since checking in on this thread but I feel like I need to make it a nightly practice. I did not drink tonight although I wanted to. The fact that I work until 9 is very helpful but a big trigger reared its head again and I spent hours climbing myself out of the emotional hole, trying to put things into perspective and remembering that I tend to see things as much worse than they are when it comes to one part of my family. I whispered the serenity prayer over and over in the shower and hopped on this forum for strength and inspiration. I am glad you are all here and I appreciate all you share. I remembered that drinking tonight will not make anything better or change anything that I have no control over…and I really don’t have control over much. I remembered that worry solves nothing. About to read my hysterical book and go to bed. Close call and I am so happy TS is always there when we need it.
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Checking in daily – Day 9 no alcohol / Day 255 no weed
I’m super bummed tonight. The last few days have been tough as I’ve taken space from my relationship to work through some things. At the recommendation of my therapist and mom, I asked my boyfriend to meet with me somewhere public so we could talk before I come home and suggested a park. He refused and our phone call went really badly. He kept interrupting everything I had to say. A long follow-up message made it seem like he was wiling to meet with me at the park, so I have set a time and place with him tomorrow…but a lot of the messaging around it he just seems so angry about me asking for this. He accused me of making an ultimatum. I’m just trying to help our relationship. It sucks. It’s been really good to process over the last few days but I thought I’d be home tonight, I thought he’d be more willing to show up to try and work on what is often a good relationship with potential to grow. I want us to both feel good in it and be able to communicate.
I don’t know if I’m even going to be able to bring this up tomorrow since I’m already getting so much resistance from him, but I have definitely become more aware of how his drinking is impacting our relationship. There’s a lot of times when he is drunk that he makes joke about me that just aren’t funny to me and are sometimes even undermining. He was mocking me the other night. But when I don’t laugh or ask him to stop, I’m just too serious and need to lighten up. I have noticed increased irritability during the day and he’s been drinking earlier in the day more regularly. I know he has to figure out his own relationship with alcohol, but it makes me sad. And I’m just sad about how things are between us right now in general.
He wants me just to forget our issues and think about the good times and move on, but pushing down the troubles throughout our relationship is why we keep running into the same problems. It’s all coming to the surface for me…so if we don’t start really talking about it, I just don’t see how we can make it long term. I want to figure this stuff out now even though it’s really really painful. He’s been telling me for years that I am not willing to talk about our relationship and what I’m feeling…I’ve been trying and trying, dealing with situations where I don’t feel comfortable to express myself and getting interrupted when I do vocalize what’s going on. Now I’m putting in so much effort and trying something new that might help and he wants to pretend like there is no problem.
UGGHGHGHGHGHGH…at least I’m sober. At least I know with certainty that alcohol won’t help the situation, so I’ve got that. And I’ve got a support system of people who love me, but right now I just feel very lonely.
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Checking in at the start of day 220.
Completely forgot to check in yesterday, despite doing my usual reading before bedtime.
Had dinner with friends yesterday evening. My friend is trying a period of sobriety, which is great. It gave us a lot to talk about. Had a lovely evening, a pleasant drive home feeling all grown up, and a clear head this morning. Magic.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
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Good morning all 
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Stay strong MagicILY.
What you are going through sounds really hard and scary. I sorry it’s coming to this. But you are sober. You are clear headed. You are strong. And you are worth being in a really good relationship. And you are so smart knowing alcohol won’t help the situation. Keep checking in. I feel the most important thing now is to get through this sober. Sober you, can get, and deserves the best.
You and your boyfriend will be in my prayers.
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