Day 73 AF
Yesterday I returned to work after 2 weeks off. I got seriously triggered when I was leaving work as the boss had put some beers in the fridge for the workers for the first time in months and it instantly took my thoughts to.a bad place. I was strong enough to close the fridge and go home but it was the first time in a couple of months that I’d had a serious urge.
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That’s rough! Well done for keeping on keeping on 
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Nearly completed 4 days! It was a little easier today except for feeling kind of short tempered. Have felt quite low today as sat around most of day at home and still no work! But got out this afternoon after school pick up for a bike ride along the coast. Saw whales jumping! Bf came and met for dinner. He’s being supportive and not drinking around me atm but I’m telling myself I don’t need the world to be sober for me to be sober. I have to do this regardless of what he chooses or anyone else chooses to do.
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That’s a lot all at once…hope things get better 
I don’t know if it’s the meds or just life but I’ve noticed that I’ve fallen back into the pattern of not giving myself permission to be happy again recently. Every so often I need to remind myself that it is a choice and I am allowed to enjoy myself. Over and above core commitments and life principles (e.g. relationships, animal care, sobriety, paying bills), I have the freedom to do what I want and that is something that should be embraced with enthusiasm!
There are so many things that I want to do and there is an element of practicality holding me back (so many things, can’t do them all, which one to pick), but also some fear and guilt there too. Thanks to @RetainKingII for the reminder that this is a mindset that can be switched! I had a similar conversation with my OH and when I said about something I’d quite like to try, his first words were ‘do it!’.
With that in mind, had a tax rebate come through and I have a chunk earmarked for some Shakti Dance (a mix of dance and yoga) stuff, something I’d like to try and explore a bit more as a potential future career option.
Am also hoping we will be able to find a house in a new area in the not too distant future. I like it where I live but I feel like a move would do me good. I have wrestled with the idea a lot as I don’t want to just run away from my problems and have them follow me. But I feel like I have a reasonably good handle on the problems that will follow me, and there is some baggage here that I’d rather be without. Fortunately nothing too heavy, so no rush. Seen some lovely looking places though and will be starting to book viewings etc in the next couple of weeks. Exciting times!
Anyway, that’s a long post 
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Post includes details for a weekly zoom meeting which I host on behalf of the RD Liverpool group. It starts at 1pm UK time, so just over half an hour;. All welcome 
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Wahoooo three years!! Great news 
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128/90 - Alcohol/Weed. I have been having thoughts of drinking lately. That tiny voice in my head that whispers that I have overcome my problems and I can drink again as a normal person. I have been ignoring the voice, but the temptation lingers. It would be so easy to screw up everything I’ve achieved so far. When does this end? How long will it take for me to be really sober? How long till I can be safe?
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Wow 3 years massive Congratulations.
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Day 410 clean and sober today. To honor my son, love you guys 
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Checking in on day 408… Excited and grateful for another productive & hangover free day. Have a good one guys!
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I absolutely can relate, so proud of you for sitting with the feeling until it passed on its own and getting through those waves. Super awesome job! 
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Wow, congratulations, Chris! 
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Those are my kinda numbers Cate.
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Congratulations on what must be 3 amazing years of your life Chris.
Such an inspiration to us all. Thank you for leading the way.
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Thanks Stella!! I spent a while trying to come up with something witty to go with it, and obviously failed 😵💫:joy:
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Took me awhile to figure it out. But ok 
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Congratulations on those numbers MC 
Chapter 3 on AA audio is a good one @JasonFisher
Turned me on to when I get these thoughts. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve listened to it.
And now I’m listening to the whole book on audio.
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