Had a difficult time sleeping last night. The dreams seem to be getting more and more vivid.
It’s a shame cos waking up (or sleeping at all) is a huge bonus to sobriety and these dreams/nightmares seem to be taking that away.
Still, woke up focused and on time. Ate good. Gym now. One day at a time
Congrats on 7 hundo!
Mid day check in…all going well and feeling stable. And sober and healthy. Which is beautiful. 
@Stormy haha nothing if you ask me! But I’m trying my best to avoid being targeted by bullies again when I’m brave enough to go back.
@Dolse71 it’s hard when you first start doing longer shifts, but in the past I’ve found I did adjust pretty quickly, so you might find you need the sugar hit less and less 
though I can’t say the same re energy drinksz they were yet another previous addiction of mine 
@Squirt sending strength 
I really hope the counselling can help
@Mbwoman stunning photo 
@050Nl congrats on 700 days of freedom from cocaine 
good luck at the hospital 
380 days no alcohol.
348 days no cocaine.
2 days no binge-eating.
Today has been hard, I have been awake since 1am, couldn’t get back to sleep at all. I used to suffer every night with insomnia so I’m grateful it’s not so often now. I spent an hour on the first ever meme thread, then listened to the entire audiobook I bought last night! It was a good listen. I have had many urges to binge today and the supermarket is open for another 3hrs 45mins, so I’m not safe yet but I just haven’t got the energy to go as I’m so tired from no sleep. I hate having these urges and it’s making me sad because I know the first week of being on the diet is going to be hell, but I need to do it, I am so desperately unhappy with the way I look and feel, and after the first week, it does usually become easier.
I am also feeling very hopeful. At my recent appointment with a Podiatrist, she told me about a treatment that isn’t available on the NHS, I spent some of my time last night doing research, and I found a consultant at my local private hospital, that offers the treatment, it will cost around £800 altogether, which is what I was going to pay for that electric wheelchair, but instead, I will regain my mobility and hopefully be in less pain! It makes me very emotional thinking of a chance at life without this pain, I try not to go on about it too much but it honestly does get me so down all the time.
1114 days alcohol free.
Checking in day 17 with an urge free day thanks to helping my mom with errands and a great afternoon meeting. I’m still working on step one and will be moving on to step two Sunday. I was told to go through the steps fast but I really want to be thoughtful this time and reflect on why I keep choosing to be a drunk. I’ve never made is past 13 days and I must stay focused. Now on to date night with my husband - beach fishing, grilling our catch then bonfire. Lazy summer day. 
An addict voice free day is the best kind of day.
@050NI Congratulations! Great job!
@TMAC That makes me so worried for my son. Maybe the fact he has been diagnosed will help him avoid that path.
@icebear Congratulations!
Day 380
Tick, tick ticking along. Corona is exploding in Japan, and cases among children are rising sharply, and schools go back in a week and a half. My worrywort side takes over sometimes, but trying to stay positive.
Eating has not been great lately, but again, trying to stay positive and get back on track asap.
Check out the book (comes in Audio book as well) “Untethered Soul”. It really helps with the inner/worryside voice.
Checking in on a sober and sleepy night. I feel like I am hitting my stride this week and am have my shit together. Good news on my dog and at work today and am on day 3 of having dinner fully organized and made so that my 30 minute dinner break with my son is spent relaxing and eating with him, not scrambling around and hurrying through it all. Also, I am a little nervous about his weekend and the few days after as it will be awesome, but the time off and feeling of accomplishment sometimes leads to urges to drink. I am starting to think through filling my toolbox with people to call, things to do, and ways to stock the house so I am all set.
@CATMANCAM - your posts are amazing and I appreciate all you share. You’ve mentioned starting a diet at a few times and I wonder if thinking about it in terms of making sustainable, lifelong changes over time to your nutrition may be easier to transition into than thinking in terms of a diet that always has that icky restrictive feel to it. Just wondered if that may be another approach. Or I may be way outta my league! 
Take care y’all and peace 
Thank you! I had not really thought about Al-Anon as an option. He did not even seem to remember the weirdness of our conversation last night… I woke up to found that a Powerade had been drank during the night (tell tale sign of trying to cure a hangover) and he did say that he drank too much. Most of the time if he drinks it does not bother me and he doesn’t take it too far, but then when it happens it really throws me off because I’m just in a different place. There’s also been an increase in drinking lately and I’ve noticed it as a more regular occurrence. Talking about it with people through Al-Anon may be helpful.
Seeing your reply earlier today made me reflect on an experience I had with Al-Anon years ago. This would have been the summer of 2014. I started dating a guy who I really liked and we were having a fun time. After about two weeks, while we were both very drunk, he told me that he was an alcoholic and that he knew things were getting bad for him and that if he disappeared it meant he was in rehab. It threw me off balance so much and I wasn’t sure what to do. The next day, still dehydrated and hungover from our night of heavy drinking, I went to an Al-Anon meeting on a recommendation of a mentor I had at the time. It was an incredibly profound experience to hear people share and be raw and open and honest with one another. And to share my story and confusion and have people just listen to me. I stopped drinking briefly and went to a few more meetings. The guy was out of my life within a week, but the meetings were so helpful, even just thinking about the alcoholism in my family and how it impacted me. I think the reason I didn’t keep going was because I knew if I were to keep it up I’d have to seriously face my own drinking and would end up going to Alcoholics Anonymous and actually quit drinking for real. Even though I took a brief gap from alcohol, I didn’t keep it up. I wasn’t ready to actually look at my own drinking and how it impacted my life and those around me.
I really hadn’t thought about those meetings in a long time, so thank you for reminding of them. It was a powerful experience and I felt so grateful that at a moment of crisis and confusion I could walk into a meeting within an hour and be welcomed by strangers. Even though it was short-lived, I feel like it was an important step in my own sobriety that came years later – that it planted a seed and made an impact in my life.
Checking in Day 24 AF and Day 270 no weed. It’s a milestone on the app, so what is 270 days – nine months?? That’s awesome. I’m so glad I made the choice to cut cannabis out of my life. The first month was really hard (especially because I had just relapsed for several days and was quitting alcohol again) but once I cleared those first few weeks I really started to see and celebrate the difference I felt in no longer smoking weed or eating edibles. The clarity of mind I experience without cannabis is something I never want to give up again.
I have to admit that there is a part of me that is…bummed isn’t exactly the right word, but somewhat disappointed that for so long my count of days for alcohol was just one off from my days for weed, but now there is such a gap because of one night I gave in three weeks ago. At that the same time, I learned a lot from my recent relapse and my resolve is so much stronger, my appreciation of sobriety feels more natural and genuine and I know that if I had not slipped up, I’d still be struggling with feeling like I was missing out or yearning to be the type of person who could just have one drink every once in a while. The relapse revealed something about who I am in relation to alcohol and what alcohol truly is – poison. It shifted something in me. So in that sense, I am grateful for the experience.
Almost missed this one 
Congratulations with the 
days Joost! 
Wow! Look at all that money you saved! 
You forgot the best part.
Didn’t pick up 
Sounds like another win.
Way to go Matt.
Congratulations on our 700 days OPW.
Nice number.
