I feel a little low today, mostly neutral but then there’s kind of a sinking feeling. Coping with some emotions and having lots of thoughts. At this point in my cycle each month I get hit with anxiety and depression for a few days. I guess it’s no wonder I relapsed and have also been having issues with my boyfriend this week. It is starting to dissipate though… Should be lifted within a couple days. It’s hard to deal with every month for like a week. It’s not pms because it comes earlier than that and it feels more intense emotionally. It can be really disruptive to my life and well being. I’ve self diagnosed it as pmdd and plan to talk to a doctor about it. Even with all my tools of meditation, yoga, journaling, and other things it can become a dark hole that sucks me down. Anyone else experience these cyclical bouts each month?
Checking in 580.89
Going to sleep pretty pretty good tonight. I’ve basically been up for 2 days. Well awake with 2 little naps and lots of meditations and reading and checking in here.
Bleeding issues with the catheter insertion site is finally over with. It’s been so hard just laying on my back all day and letting my wonderful daughter take care of her old man. I am so blessed to have a ten plus years clean daughter. And she’s proud of her old man.
She sent me a text this afternoon while I as lying down on the couch saying. “don’t need anything Dad, I’m about to take a shower,” She’s the funniest best thing in the world.
And at 4 pm today she said if you have to go back to the ER can we go now instead of waiting until 1 or 2 in the morning I just love father daughter time. And we order some healthy salads for dinner. She ordered the exact same Thai salad with peanut dressing I did. Then we watched a movie.
What a blessing this heart procedure has been in so many ways. And the cardiologist talked to me and apologized a lot. Told me to keep his phone number and I could text him if I needed him a cardiologist. Who does that? And he said the procedure went really well. He could see repairs made from ten years ago that held and some that didn’t and said he got me all fixed up. There maybe future issues down the road. But for now we are good.
Thank God for putting everyone in the right place at the right time for me. Even if they were 5 hours late.
Gods timing. Not mine.
And thank God I’m Sober.
Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.
Psalm 34:5
Today is day 65 actually! … We made it
For those of you in aa doing the steps never in a million years did. Think sobriety was emotional work. LOL.
A lot of crying and journaling and praying with women today but we made it!
Going back to work tomorrow (I teach) and actually got my shit together and made lunch.
While I would usually go for a glass of wine tonight I went for bedtime tea and some reading.
One day at a time! hugs to all
That was nice to read eric. Brings back perspective on things for me and my girls. I’m glad your getting some time with your daughter, and proud of her sobriety. Glad you are feeling better. Much love
I hadnt turned the TV on all day or checked my emails, just did at 6pm to discover that we are AGAIN being put into lockdown in two hours time for 7 days !!! We literally were just released from lockdown last week…
I’m beginning to really be convinced that they keep putting us in now 6 lockdowns because aliens are spending extra time out there in our Sky’s doing alien things, and if we are in lockdown and inside our house , not outside exposed to our Sky’s, there is less chance the aliens will be seen whilst there hard at work doing alien things
My job trial has been cancelled now coz of this lock down
No more gym once again.
7 days ahead of ground hog day
@Seb thoughts lol!?! This is getting abit repetitive isn’t it
Is it me or did anyone else feel like a year sober is still a shock, I’m kind of still in a haze that I haven’t used in a year…
I don’t have any desire to do drugs but I have this itch for a glass of wine, thou alcohol was never my DOC, alcohol is a drug and I accept that I would be Abstinence from all drugs. Funny how your brain tries to trick you… Gremlins having a party in my head…
Im itching to save my money also as I really want to get to amercia for thanks giving…
I know this year for me has been a rough one with ups and downs… Some very happy moments and some low moments where I really did think drugs would be the answer.
One year sober has allowed me to take control of my life…
If I wasn’t sober…
I’d never have been given a chance with my sisters car as there was no trust…
I would never of been invited over for the weekend, nor would I of had the privelage to be left unsupervised with my nieces and nephew… I got to play with my nephew with his lego and he also came and snuggled up on me
Yeah i have to pinch myself that I… The lady who couldn’t get through a day without using has surpassed 365 days… new ink soon to celebrate the year
It can be done, I’ve been to the bottom and I’ve survived and I’m recovering!
Day 1052
Back from the citytrip, but still in a very bad place mentally. Had a lot of cravings during the trip. My mind wants salvation and tries the old road
Recognizing it was enough to help myself forward, but it costed much energy.
The cause of my mental problems?
Menopause
Relation problems
Empty nest issues
Enough to deal with…
Had a long conversation this morning with my husband. Decided to try relation therapy. We need to do something otherwise we are growing apart. Both we still want to become old together, but not this way.
I’m lonely in my relation right now. I miss my buddy. And now when my children are adults they are going their own way and they do not need me as much anymore. I feel not needed…it makes me sad.
Picture from a museum from an old grocery store my mom worked in when she was 16 years old. That brought back a lot of emotions as well. She worked there for a few years as a housemaid. Cooked and cleaned for the 3 old sisters who run that shop. They never changed the old shop so it’s all antique!
Just finished my coffee. Two days off. I’m doing pretty well. Working on my issues. It’s called recovery and it’s hard work at times. ODAAT. There is no viable alternative. The only alternative is addiction, depression, death and I’m not going there.
Late night at work yesterday the TV was showing It’s a sin, said to be a brilliant series about gay life in the 80’s. Two minutes in and I was bawling. At work. Not good. Obviously a lot of personal history that I didn’t really process yet. Probably has something to do with the lack of antidepressants in my system too, that makes my emotions come out like this. And that’s a good thing. Not easy. But good. Keep going all. Sober and clean. Love from Amsterdam.
Less than a week to go @CATMANCAM, will u do/eat/buy anything to celebrate?
A fellow mum mentioned that a “long” time ago, a child passed away from heat stroke at the jhs my son will go to from next year. I instantly panicked internally. I also panick internally at any news about a child’s death. It is an almost daily thing. I am sure all parents worry, but do wonder if my worry is a little extreme. I know worrying won’t help, but can’t help imagining it happening to mine. I started crying now just typing. Everyday like this is getting a bit much.
Relaxed and sober on my camping trip with my dog. Done some lovely walks and read books… so chilled. Cooked outside. Not gone near a pub, even for food.
Good Morning everyone! 30 days! I feel proud to have 30 amazing mornings and evenings sober. I wake up at six every morning with no alarm, didn’t know I had an internal clock! Before quitting I was always too exhausted to get up on my own. I went to my third AA meeting on Tuesday. My stack of quitlit is huge
I am grateful for everyday and grateful for all of you here on TS. Knowing that I am not alone in this is very helpful. Have an amazing day everyone!
Tonight when I am getting ready for bed I will be looking at the 5 months sober token. Funny thing is, my TS friends are the only ones who I will celebrate with. Everyone in my life, for the most part, thinks I stopped for good a lot longer ago. S.O. never brings it up. Three year relationship between him, me, and the elephant in the room. My adult sons have witnessed bad behavior maybe 2 or 3 times in the past decade. We don’t discuss it. I could go on with other family and friends. It is just strange.
She’s the funniest best thing in the world.
a cardiologist. Who does that? And he said the procedure went really well. He could see repairs made from ten years ago that held and some that didn’t and said he got me all fixed up. There maybe future issues down the road. But for now we are good.
