How does this make you feel? You don’t have to tell me or anyone. But you put it out here for a reason. Congratulations on your 5 months. You are doing this! Don’t let anything or thoughts hold you back.
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Day 372
Currently on my mind is the fact that all bike (and most other sport) events have a beer sponsor. The race I dropped from I am now volunteering at the finish line. I found out I have a 5 hour shift midday handing out champion beverages — the option of beer or rootbeer.
Happy they have the rootbeer option this year at least. I know I have talked about it before, but finish line last year when I was two weeks sober I had fully intended to have that champion beer. My sobriety at that point was purely for race performance but my friend working the finish line remembered when I was sober many years before and just handed me the empty champion glass…no beer. I have her to thank for a lot of my continuing sobriety.
So now to put myself fully in that environment…Everyone involved I have made largely aware that I don’t drink anymore but I can’t help feeling nervous about it. I know my addict brain is going to want to scream at me the whole time. Thinking I’ll wear a camelback or mtb hip hydration pouch and just guzzle lots of water all afternoon. And luckily the majority of riders will come in after my shift so I don’t anticipate handing out many beers. My shift would be the 11-16 hour ride time. 16 is around where the faster casual riders come in so I’ll mostly see the top placers/course record holders and that is exciting!
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Yes… I just said the other day I feel like I am living someone else’s life.
As if one day I will be pinched and it will all have been a dream and I will be back amid all that suffering again.
It feels surreal.
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Congratulations on your 30 days of freedom Ewa.
It really does feel so good. Especially waking up in the morning. 
Excellent Job!
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Are you in Australia? Lockdown sucks!! Hopefully itll be over soon 
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Oh and checking in, hi everyone! 
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That’s beautiful Danni. What a blessing to be able to get you life back and especially the trust that comes with it. All so worth it.
And I still can’t believe I did a year without booze 
and I’m gone 19 months.
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Checking in at the end of day 214.
My daughter has a couple of friends staying over. So happy/proud to be sober. In any other summer, there’s no way I would be. 
Life is so much better now.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
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Thank you!!
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@Olivia Shark Hoovers are absolutely amazing, especially for pet hair if you have any pets, at the moment I believe they have an offer on too, £100 discount.
@anon53116147 keep going man, I’m sure your girls love you, it’s great that you’re getting plenty of bookings, people must like your work, you’ve got this 
@Thirdmonkey theres a Winston Churchill quote as well ‘When you’re going through hell, keep going.’ It kept me hanging on in some really dark times, I’ll check that song out too, thanks 
@Lilemm please start a Laney thread and spam us with photos 
I adore Rottweilers 
@anon27760155 massive congrats on your year 
so proud of you, love that picture quote and your quote at the end
@SoberWalker sorry you’re having a hard time, I think it’s great that you and your partner are going to try therapy, sending strength
@zzz you obviously do want sobriety, never stop trying, congrats on your honesty
@Mno It’s A Sin is an amazing but truly heart-breaking series 
@Misokatsu I already treated myself on Prime Day, I bought a new Emma mattress, some Beats headphones, and an electric toothbrush, got them as an early reward because altogether I got £515 discount, and they were things I have wanted for a really long time 
How about you? Sorry about the anxiety you are having with worrying about your children, I think I’d be exactly the same if I had children, I get like it about my cats
@Hopeful777 your dog is marvellous 
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@Ewa congrats on 30 days
@Mbwoman congrats on 5 months
360 days no alcohol.
328 days no cocaine.
1 day no binge-eating.
Woke up early again. I’m watching a reality series and it’s keeping me happy having something to watch that I’m actually enjoying, it will keep me entertained for quite a while as I’ve still got 12 full seasons to watch. It’s good also because it stops me from laying on my bed feeling restless and depressed not knowing what to do with myself.
I made it back to the gym and swimming today after a whole week off 
It felt really good, but I am in so much agony with my feet.
I took my toenail clippings to my doctor’s to be sent off for testing, hoping to get this issue resolved finally, I’ve had it for 14 years and it’s a minor thing I know, but it gets me down.
Had my Podiatrist appointment and things are not looking good for my feet, she said I’ve definitely got Plantar Fasciitis in all 3 branches of tendons in my heel, she also thinks I’ve got Arthritis in both heels and shin bones 
She said there is another treatment for the PF called Shockwave Therapy, but it isn’t available on the NHS, privately it’s £200+ per session . I am more serious about buying an electric wheelchair now, I’ve been considering it for a while but putting it off because I’m stubborn and like to push myself, but now that I know I am doing more damage every time I put weight on my feet, it feels like the sensible option. They are mostly around £1500 but I’ve found one I like that is on offer for £799. Can pre-order now for when it’s released in September.
The floaty head side-effect has subsided thankfully, but I do have blurry vision so I didn’t take my lunchtime dose as I had to drive all afternoon.
I have a sore throat today so I did a Covid test before I went out anywhere and it was negative thankfully, I had a sore throat for 2 days last week too but it never progressed into anything more, annoying but minor.
Not as many posts on here today so I hope everyone is doing okay
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Thank you and omg I forgot those existed, might be worth a try, thanks again
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Checking in on Day 4 no alcohol, day 250 no cannabis.
I have my first session with a therapist this afternoon, which I am looking forward to. I have had therapy before, but it has been a while and I just feel like I have a lot to work through right now. There’s a million things coming up in my head to talk about…it certainly can’t hurt to try and discuss them with someone.
I am also finishing up reading Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind. There are some useful things I’m finding in this book, particularly in the way she breaks down commonly-held beliefs about alcohol and displays the reality beneath it. It is certainly helping to reorient and keep my mind present to the knowledge that alcohol is poison. It is not a social lubricant or a producer of good times or a way to relax. It actually causes the opposite of all these things – I think we all know this here.
I also appreciate that the book reinforces that nothing is missing from our lives without alcohol. I know this from experience as well. I enjoy going to see live music, eating dinner with friends and family, sitting around the campfire, going to the beach, whatever it might be, WAY more without alcohol. This time around I’m going to try and be more conscious about seeing myself as a non-drinker. Sometimes I get a little embarrassed when offered a drink by people who are new in my life, and I might just say “no thanks” or “I’m good,” but I’m going to try out consistently adding on “I don’t drink” and see how it feels. I’m glad I don’t drink and then that person will know they don’t need to offer again another time.
What fills the absence of alcohol? The absence of alcohol is not a negative space. The absence of alcohol is brimming with qualities of life that bring joy. The space of the absence of alcohol is a clear mind, no hangover, the lack of a constant physical drain always in the background, the increase of energy, the increase of appreciation of life and the beauty of the world. The absence of alcohol is actually being alive and being present for it instead of dulling the sense down or trying to escape.
I feel more of a sense of freedom about being a non-drinker after this last relapse. The contrast between sobriety and drunkenness is clear and I am content in my choice. I want to always return to this realization – this truth – when the temptation arises. I don’t need it in my life. And I don’t want it.
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What’s up everyone just checking. Not sure what day it is. Like 43 or something, I really don’t know whats going on with me. Staying up all night, Im not even being productive when I stay up I just can’t sleep and then I want to sleep all day. No motivation when I am up. Like I want so badly to do something, yesterday it took everything in me to clean the downstairs. I haven’t folded my clothes on my bed in months. Maybe I’m still grieving from my relapse or something like that idk. I know I’m not a lazy person and this isn’t like me. I don’t want to babble to much, love y’all.
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Yep I live in Melbourne here. Woke up this morning to lock down number 6. Fun times lol 
our government is insane
Omg girl you are living my dream life!!! My heart just melted seeing your van set up and pup
The reason I’m trying to get my drivers license is so I can do the van life thing around Australia.
I’m so excited for you!!! And pup is just awwwww what a cutie patootee!!!
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Day 102.
5.45am.
10 degrees.
Woke up to lockdown 6.0 for the next 7 days. There is only 8 new cases and they put us back into lockdown… A cabin away in the woods living off grid with no media, no humans, and no nonsense is looking pretty good right now
I’m going to give myself some sort of challenge for the 7 days. Something I can accomplish. Not sure yet but I’ll think of something during my journaling this morning.
A had a really nice day trip adventure yesterday. I’m so glad I went. It was a random last minute decision, within the hour I was at the train station ready to board. That’s what I miss in life, sporadic decision that always end in creating magical memories.
Its funny, last night before I had heard about today’s lockdown, I was actually on the internet studying regonial train maps to pick another new destination I can take another day adventure to today, I had so much fun yesterday, I wanted to do it all over again today but to a different destination. But then the lockdown announcement happened so that plan in now on hold.
I’m grateful that I got my adventure in yesterday though on the last day of our latest spell of freedom
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Checking in day 59 
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I think this is a wonderful idea. Keep us posted. Hopefully new people, and old, will not continue to offer you a drink when you tell them that. I like it 
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Try the foot reflexology massage. 
.
It’s so worth it. I remember you said you got a thing about that but when it’s over. WOW!!!
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