What’s up everyone. Checking in sober. Man I joined this “self taught” tattoo group and tried showing some of my work. Now I’m my own worst critic, I know I’m not great and have alot of improving to do, but man some ppl can just be so mean. I didnt get many good comments, just alot of ppl telling me I suck. Idk I know I’ll keep getting better and I sure as heck will never treat someone who is knew to something like that. I never have and never will. Sucks because I have someone coming for a tattoo today and now I’m scared to do it.
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Day 72: Feeling pretty good this morning. Mondays used to be dreaded but I like getting the week started. Might help that I haven’t had a paying job in quite some time 
I joke, but I’m gaining respect for the work that I do and internalizing the value for it that society doesn’t tend to appreciate at all. It helps when I can’t do some of my typical work and things pile up and my husband steps in and tells me he appreciates me for doing these things. He has never been one to balk at doing housework but he sometimes forgets what it takes to maintain a home. So much logistical work in addition to the physical maintenance. I’m grateful for him. And I’m grateful for just a few days until I can get this stinkin’ thing off my arm. (See…! Practicing gratitude helps, folks!)
Sending love out to my sober amigos. 
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Keep at it. Keep working on drawing and learning more skills and techniques. You are on your passion journey and I believe in you. It is so easy to be a critic and I’m so guilty of that, being judgmental. Hang in there.
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Ah what happened?
The person having the tattoo will see the drawing right? As long as they’re happy with it, that’s what matters!
Maybe that group isn’t a healthy place right now. Constructive criticism can be useful but it doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re getting. Hope you can find a better one that gives you support and encouragement as you develop your skills!
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The more you practice drawing on paper and learning shading techniques with pencils and pen the easier that will transfer to skin.
I still think taking drawing classes wouldn’t hurt you. I mean what do you have to lose?
Like Rosa said it’s easy for people to be critical of others. If you are feeling vulnerable becareful who you share your passion with because that at this moment is very close to your heart.
Don’t stop following your dreams.
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Yes everyone sees what they are getting. And usually they are happy…
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Checking in at the end of day 204.
Slept really well last night and felt a lot better today. Had a great day of self care. Eaten really well. Had a walk with my daughter. We saw a black cobra, a huge wild boar and a couple of large monitor lizards. I love living in the tropics. Took a vitamin B supplement too, which always does my nervous system good…after a few hours.
Really enjoying the Olympics on TV. I will watch literally anything. Watching Brazil vs Argentina volleyball as we speak. Love it.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
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Because I like to teach myself. I know that’s silly but that’s how I like to do stuff. I’m like that with everything, all that stuff I did to my Harley over the winter was self taught. My whole life in addiction was depending on ppl and manipulating them to get what I want. This is something I want, so something I feel I need to teach myself. But after joining that group, it doesn’t sound like many or them were Self taught and just like to bash others bc nobody knows how to be humble anymore
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Checking in.
575 days substance free
3 months self injury free
Everything is ok at the moment. I am heading into the begining of Step 11 “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” I think this will be a GREAT step. I am really looking forward to deepening the understanding of my spirituality. I truly believe that our spiritual journey is never finished. It has been my experience that even while using heavy drugs during active addiction my spirit hadn’t been sucked dry as I was still actively practicing spirituality. Meditating, doing energy work things like that. The moment I stopped I was robbed by my addict, my spirit sucked dry. I was a shell of a human who had turned black inside.
Apparently my addict will never stop growing stronger, doing push-ups on my shoulder, therefore in order to stay clean i can never stop strengthening my spirituality too. I do not believe that I will ever “get it”, I believe that this is a life long journey of discovery and growth.
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Taking a class or online lessons or anything is not depending on anyone. You can absolutely incorporate this into your self taught mindset because ultimately you are still teaching yourself, but using resources that are available to you isn’t “cheating” on your self taught ideals. Just my two cents. I think you and I have some stuff in common. I’ll just call it what it is for me, stubborn independence. I still like to teach myself in my art (knitting, needlework, gardening, etc) but I rely heavily on what others have done. I hate classes but am constantly online watching tutorials and what not. Give it a try.
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Just wanted to chime in to say that I love this attitude. Growth mindset, man!
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- Just stopping by to say hi! I’ve been very busy on top of getting sick again. My kids left over a week ago to visit my late husbands family for a month and you’d think I would have all kinds of free time but no. I finally found my family a home and am currently in the middle of negotiations and closing. My kids have no idea. I didn’t want to tell them since the last one fell though and they were literally heartbroken. So, when they get home they’ll have a huge surprise. If they were home I would have probably already told them…lol!
Could I please have everyone send prayers, good vibes or whatever you believe in to my baby brother. He’s back to using and is going down that dark hole very fast. We all know how hard it is to stop. He was at my house the other day he even spent the night but he slept the whole time literally from 3pm-11am the next day. I kept checking to see if he was breathing and I literally had flashbacks to when I use to have to literally save my ex from overdosing every other day. He knew I was hurt by it and he left but not before asking me for 40 bucks. I know what $40 buy so I told him I didn’t have it but I’d take him to get some cigarettes. But he declined. My heart breaks for his girls because he’s an amazing Dad and they miss him. He needs help but has to be willing, hopefully soon.
I hope you all have a wonderful day! I miss talking to everyone. I’ll be back soon to catch up some more!! Just remember you’re all amazing!
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@anon53116147… YouTube and reddit helped me alot on drawing mister and different techniques with a pencil… Helped me to identify wheres best on places shades, shadows etc… Hope that helps c
Day 359…
Holy fuck just typing that number has made me grin, I have had challenges, I’ve felt lost, I’ve felt lonely but through all of my rough times it was here that pushed me to get to the next day…
I could write an endless list of the people who hand on heart have done above and beyond keeping me from picking up!
And as I’m travelling to pick up @Ravikamor, I’m so thankful that sobriety has given me friendships I could never ever imagine having.
True friendship takes us by the hand and reminds us we are not alone in this journey
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Yay Shay!!! Seeing this makes me truly happy Lady. You’ve grown so much. I’m honoured to share some of our roads together. Huge congrats. Keep growing. You’re doing fantastic.
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Quick late check in before the new day is here. My work day was a whole lot better than yesterday. Which can’t be said of team NL at the Olympics. Here’s what happened today exemplified by the favourite for the MTB race Matthieu van der Poel. Reminds me of some of my cycling home from a bar in the past. Well, there’s always tomorrow. Sober and clean. Goodnight all. Love.
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And trips! I never thought I’d be taking a trip to see a friend here!!! Yup never would have happened as a drunk 
Happiness is being sober for sure!!
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