Im safe! The liquerstore is closed now so I cant buy even if I would. This is hard, just wish the next couple of weeks could fly away so I would feel more steady in my sobrity.
I finished the Lego my son got for his birthday (he asked for help to the rest, just to say I did not just take over and take his joyš), it kept me busy. It was hard and took time, Im not very good to build this. But I did! And now Im sooo frustraded, ONE piece is missing and not to be found anywhere! ONE! It dont feel complete with out.
Going to hit the shower, crawl up in the Couch and eat some crapfood.
Iām in serious pain my shoulder is killing me and pain killers are on my mind.i told the doc. I was in recovery and opiates are my poison he gave me a script for a rub and a patch non opiate but the pharmacy could not fill it. some bullshit about coverage Iām hanging in there and trying to power through it
Checking in at the end of day 221.
Really late. Just back from an evening with friends. They were hammered. It just made me glad that I donāt drink anymore. Love it.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight.
No Iām ok. I got the stuff and then dumped it out, I did one little line and realized what I was doing. Still I needed to reset. No it shouldnt of happened, I should of reached out but I stayed accountable and did the next right thing
Hey, glad to see you here and being honest about where your mind is at. I have been using insight timer ( free app) for meditation they have pain specific ones.
I just got back from a Drās appointment with a pain specialist ( I have chronic pain) and she is really trying to get me to āloveā my pain. Sounds fucking ridiculous to me but scientifically it makes sense. The more we think negatively about the pain we are feeling the more we tense and feel unease everywhere else as well. I have been working on this for the past couple of weeks and it is not easy but I am at least at a point of acceptance now.
I know this is not easy for you but just remember your pain will not last forever. This feeling is going to go away. Are you icing it?
Little story about this evening. My darling wife purchased a new super king bed and matress. I cleared our old bed out at 8am this morning. The new one doesnāt get delivered until 9.30pm. So if I donāt make it up I have no where to sleep. The thing is huge, literally no room for it, it was an absolute arse to make, sweat dripping, everything going wrong and fuck every other word. The bed is complete, just got to get the matress from downstairs. Fuck me it wouldnāt fit up the stairs. I used every ounce of strength in me to attempt to bend and shove it up for about 10 minutes. Exhausted now, I near enough collapse at the bottom of the stairs, look up to the ceiling and all I can think about is drinking, how nice would a cold beer or ten be right now? Then a little voice comes and says no amount of alcohol is going to fit this giant mattress through this tiny gap and I just start shunting like a mad man and out of nowhere the matress is through and on its way to the bed.
The closest Iāve come to relapsing in 75 days over a frigging bed!
Checking in tonight and staying sober. I just finished work and launching into a 3 day weekend which normally would not start with a shower and a book like tonight is. Things are different. I am different, and I truly hope with all I have that this path remainsā¦tomorrow and the next day and so on. All I can do is right now and the present moment feels great. Looking forward to a gorgeous night of sleep.
Long time since I was here last . Day 3.
Very comforting to see familiar members.
See a few names I recognize but glad to see Derrick @ Scott both here!
my life is over. I can no longer live 
