I’m trying,but it’s hard. However all your beautiful words in here made me feel a lot better yesterday. That was our first though as well, so we asked, they said it wasn’t but they didn’t want to tell us who it is. So we’re suspecting either our cranky neighbors again. Or tweenies foster care mother. Lately tweenie have made a lot of posts on social media, blaming us for a lot of things that’s not true, so there’s a risk it all comes from her. We’ll see tomorrow.
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Thank you. Well as I wrote above, they say it wasn’t. So we’re suspecting either her foster care family or the cranky neighbors of ours. We’ll see tomorrow, it’s upsetting no matter what. Basically our system means that everyone can make up whatever they want about people, report it to the social service and create a lot of problems. But at the same time I know that our system is trying to protect those who really needs it. (usually it doesn’t work but I guess that’s another story)
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Good and productive day
Taught and planned a cool thing for tomorrow
Ran errands and worked on step work
I’m pretty tired and miss my nightly wine but I know one turns to 7 
Sending hugs hope and love to this online community
Day 92 here 
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Good luck Kelly.
I’m glad you’re right up and trying again.
If nothing changes.
Nothing changes.
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Ah really sorry to read this, especially so when you have accomplished a massive milestone. You have done amazing Sophia 
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Hey again Kelly. I dug this up for you. Might be interesting to check out.
And @Soundlab
@MagicILY I know you got 29 days. That’s awesome! But thought you might like to check it out too. There’s some good stuff on it.
This shit is hard. But so worth it. And y’all are too.
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247 days
Did some baking yesterday, been ages since i have done that, felt nice, homely. Off to aqua class first time, followed by a sauna and steam a treat. Pretty steady emotionally which i am grateful for.
@anon27760155 how are you?
@Complicatedmama what a great positive, your own home,driven by you and your sobriety best wishes for your son
@Soundlab hi Matt, i was a relapser, i relapsed so much i was not putting serious thought into each attempt at recovery. My last relapse battered me mentally, i took serious time to think about how i felt, did i want this in 10 years time, would i make another 10 years? The answer was no . It was like a light switched on. I read, found Annie Grace, The Naked Truth a great read, listened to podcasts, developed new daily regimes, stayed away from events with alcohol for 6 months, came here, that worked for me. I love not drinking, its not easy buts its worth it. You can do this but your person journey requires more tools , and i wish you all the best in finding these. You can do this
Have a good day all 
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Congratulations on your ONE YEAR and a Day!! I am super happy for you on that! You have kept your sobriety safe with much turmoil and sadness around you! I admire you for always making the best of everything!
Here is a L.P. sweater for you! Enjoy in good health and let it remind you how special you are and what a loving heart you have.
Hoping for the best for you at the meeting. Hoping it is just a process that has to be gone through bc they had the complaint and nothing other than that.
You have a whole Team here who will vouch for you for the care and consideration you give to your children, Teeny and all those around you. The special lessons/teachings, cooking lessons you have done w your sons. You do what many Mom’s may want to do but never get around to doing for all the reasons.
Thinking positive and saying prayers.
Stay Strong! It DOES matter whether you drink or not!
Reposting another pic of LOVE sweater since I can’t see it on my apple device, others probably can’t either. Hopefully this works.
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- Second coffee and a late shift coming up. Happy I was able to do a bike ride after work yesterday. Getting a heart rate monitor has given me some extra incentive it seems. Not opening a bottle straight after work helps too
. So glad I’m done with that. Never again. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean, one day at a time it remains. Love from my ride yesterday. I can’t decide between the pic where the cows are better in view or the one where the clouds are better visible.
@Complicatedmama Love it Patty! So happy for you. Hard work paying off. Huge congrats!
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Thank you so much, Stella. I feel so much better today and hope to continue taking a step back and viewing things more objectively. An author said we can treat emotions like birds and be bird watchers. The birds aren’t good or bad, they just are. We can view them and let them fly away. That was helpful for me.
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Hey all, checking in on day 443. I hope everyone has a great start to their week today!
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Day 385
Pottering along. Not great, not awful, but drinking is the last thing on my mind.
@Soundlab That “I deserve it” “everyone else is” logic can be powerful. Fight against it. “I deserve sobriety” “I don’t want to be a sheep” etc
@MrsOdh Sending strength. And congratulations on one year.
@anon27760155 Still thinking of u.
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Day 445 clean and sober today. Woke up to thunder and lightning storms, how awesome!!! Have a great day everyone, love you guys!!! 
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Congratulations @Complicatedmama well done!!! So happy and so proud of the goals you have accomplished!!!
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Checking in at the end of day 240.
Love being sober.
Have a great sober day, wherever you are.
Goodnight. 
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I felt like that too at the begining of my first summer. It was a post on here that I believe @Dan531 had been responding to @anon53116147 on his old account. Mike had been feeling just like I was at the time… pissed off everyone was having fun at the beach drinking, on the cruises partying. Dan put it back into perspective for me and I think for Mike too. He reminded us that out of all those people we see “having an amazing time partying” how many of them probably wished they could stop drinking too. How many of them were on the verge of burning their lives down. You know what we see from the sidelines isn’t always what is happening. I do understand and FOMO is a real thing these days with all the social media making lives look so appealing… making booze look so appealing. Just try to remember it’s not necessarily the reality.
I am so glad you are back right away trying again. Don’t ever stop trying, come ask us if we think it’s a good idea to grab a drink next time. If you can give me enough good reasons why it’s an amazing idea I might even join you. 
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Day 398
I have avoided posting this week. I come on here, read a little, start writing a draft and I end scrapping it. Life is throwing some shit at me, and every time I go to write about it I have decided to walk away and avoid thinking about it.
Had my MRI for my knee back on the 12th, missed a call from my dr about it a week later on the 19th but he said he would call the following day. I watched my phone and he never called. Their office then closed for the weekend, watched my phone again on Monday throughout the work day and he still didn’t call. The next day when I was off I tried to follow up to find out he was out of town and would be through the end of August. The waiting game continues.
My mum has also been having health issues. A throat lump that initial testing they didn’t think was anything but suggested a biopsy. Her sister had similar a few years ago and waited, then finally when she did have a biopsy it wasn’t anything so she was pushing my mum to wait. My stepdad and I didn’t agree with this and were able to persuade her to get the biopsy. Turns out it’s thyroid cancer. She conference called me and my sister at the same time to tell us this past Thursday. They both cried on the phone and I just went completely numb. The oncologist that was recommended to her didn’t have any openings until the 7th but there was a cancellation and she was able to get an appointment today.
My thoughts of drinking the past few weeks have gotten worse. In avoiding drinking, my ED has gotten out of control. Reading others here trying to address this has made me realize how bad it is and that I was ignoring my own problem. I’m good about having a healthy breakfast after my workout, then feel overwhelmed and stop eating the rest of the day. Most days an hour or two before bed I feel guilty for not eating during the day and end up binging junk. With the high volume of training, I have been justifying this. Now since my mum’s news though I haven’t even been eating a healthy breakfast. Mostly just coffee, sometimes a protein bar or a stroop waffle. Starting a new counter today. I need to break this cycle! Today is day 1.
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Thinking about you and yours. Lots of hard you’re facing. ODAAT. Sorry about the mri, too hope the results will be good in the end. Glad you posted. You’re not alone.
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I’m really sorry you’re going through so much right now, love and strength heading your way.
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Check out Joe Dispenza’s work and see if it’s up your alley. Some of it might be useful in changing your thought patterns in general by making new neural pathways. Good luck.