Good for you Brit.
One day at a time.
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Glad you are not giving up and you are worthy of a peaceful life. We will be here for you.
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Congratulations on your 15 months Donna.
So happy for ya.
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Congrats on 15 months 
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Thanks Dazercatā¦ āexhaustingā pretty much sums it up. The attempts at moderation took up so much mental space ā how much am I drinking? When can the next drink be? How much time should I have between drinking nights? I wore myself out on that nonsense. I appreciate the support, and youāre right that the addict brain can be very sneaky. I think a major misstep on my part during this past 8+ month stretch was that I stopped checking in daily because I was feeling strong and steady in my sobriety. I thought I was in the clear, but then when I started to get cravings again I wasnāt in the routine of connecting with other non-drinkers and asking for help when I needed it. It made it a lot easier to slip. This time around I plan to keep up my daily check ins (unless Iām like without internet for some reason) no matter what my mental state is. Even if I feel absolutely great and confident, I want to keep checking in as one of my ways to maintain my commitment to sobriety 
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Checking in 31 Days AF / 277 Cannabis Free
I already did a lot of reflecting today in earlier posts, so Iāll keep it short and sweetā¦ another sober day!
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Checking in sober tonight and feeling like I had a fairly productive day with no desire to drink. Someone from my past reached out last night out of the blue. I used to drink a lot around him and made bad decisions. He sounds as though he has his life more together now, but it would take a great deal to trust him again. I feel strong in the way that I handled it and will not let someone like that shake my sobriety. I definitely know I am not strong enough to be around someone that drinks that heavily. If I need to, I will politely dissociate. Looking forward to my book and a nice night of sleep. Peace yāall.
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Checking in to stay sober todayā¦going for 3 days AF and 10 days cannabis free.
Such a nice day today too 
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You can and will do it, Tim! Iāve been fighting off some bad cravings tonight. I will not give in.
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Yay!!!
That my beautiful friend is no small feat. Super happy for you!!!
Hahah I was looking for a gif of us on a beach but none were forum appropriate. This is us dancing on the beach with some random dude!!!
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Congrats on your 11 months!!!
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Thatās too funny! Thank you, Stella, youāre an awesome lady and so happy to know youā¦ You have helped me more than once here with your insight and love. 
And thanks to 2 of my favorite guys! @Dan531 and @Dazercat ! You guys are also part of my strong foundation. Love to you! 
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Spring has brought a spring in my step
Off to the beach to get fish and chips and sit on the grassy Noll and day dream 
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Look at you all fancy with those big numbers 
nice catch!
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Way to go Lea! Congratulations on all those days of sobriety. And a wonderful catch.
Awesome 
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249 days
Up early for another day of Covid testing, nice to know i will be getting some money next week.
Have a strong sober day 
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Well, I am resetting my sugar counter, but honestly Iām okay with it. For me this is more of a "letās not eat sugary treats unless itās something really amazing because I will suffer after eating it. Medical problems make eating an interesting endeavor right now.
As my life settles down, and fall rolls in, there is generally a certain amount of baking that happens as I love bakingāmy baking just doesnāt love me.
Season changes were a little difficult for me after I walked away from my drinking habits. I would look at the fall leaves, the fresh snow, the bright spring mornings, or the hot summer evenings, and think, āAh, I will make this drink or that drink,ā and so I might not have any urges and then suddenly I get hit with a different smell in the air or a temperature change.
Thereās a real visceral emotional memory that gets embedded in and takes a bit to get out. Now I see the summer season coming to an end and the zucchini starting to flow in from friends and family, and I think, āItās time to bake.ā
But Iām still going to reset my sugar counter and keep at it. It helps me not to indiscriminately eat sugar and thatās worth a lot.
@050Nl Iām sorry youāre dealing with all of this. Thereās nothing like the stress of going through the medical systemāthe visits, the medicine, the proceedures, the doctor bills, the physical pain, the emotional stress, etc., etc. My thoughts are with you.
@Olivia Congrats on your 11 months!
@MagicILY Contratulations on your 30 days and may you never see another 30 days again.
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- Coffee. Therapy later. Spinning class first. I signed up for a serious one day bike tour in a month time in the Ardennes range in Belgium. I need training and need to lose some more weight. Good to have an incentive. Coincides neatly with the homework Iām doing for therapy class. Which things are important (i.e. work, education, friends, family, etc.) for me in life and which ones less so? And following from that, what am I going to work on in the coming months and years? Good stuff I think.
All this is only possible because Iām sober and clean. Recovery is work and only possible when I stay sober. Just as I only will stay sober when I work my recovery. A double edged sword. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from Amsterdamse Bos.
@DLS Congrats Donna! X
@Lionfish Beautiful Lea! Hugs.
@Olivia Well done Olivia! Congrats!
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Day 129.
5.30pm.
This afternoon I accidentally bumped into my dealer. Pure coincidence. It a totally different place where it would not happen. But it did.
We talked for about ten mins, caught up on small talk. Then I said bye and walked off.
My adrenaline hit the roof.
I didnt score of him. I could of. I had money. The gear was there. My cravings went through the roof.
But I somehow didnāt cave. I am home now and its a few hours later. My adrenaline Is still through the roof. My mind is racing.
I bought KFC chicken. Will distract myself with eating.
The cockatoos were waiting for me when I got home. They reminded me that I need to stay clean.
I need to stay clean. This uncomfortable feel will pass. I will stay clean.
I can feel my heart palpitating through my chest from the adrenaline.
I wont lie, the thought to score was right in the front of my mind. In four months , the cravings have not hit this hard. It phyically has affected my body. Anxiety and adrenaline all at once.
Iām going to shower then eat then Netflix till its sleep time.
I will stay on here to distract myself as well.
Only about 4 more hours till my general bedtime.
4 hours to keep my sh&% together.
Iāll be fine. I have to be.
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