I’m proud of you. Just because you can’t find peace doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. You simply have to change the way you’re looking for it. Looks like you found it in a very good way tonight. 
P.S. I agree with @Dazercat. Lose your dealer’s number.
You’re being really hard on yourself. Put the stick down. You’re an addict. Everyone on here has done things they aren’t proud of.
I stole from my grandma! She actually raised me because my mum was an addict. And I stole from her. It ruined our relationship. Not the money, I don’t think she cares about the money. But the theft, the betrayal, I broke her heart.
We can’t ever repair the relationships we’ve broken, but we can make new relationships with the same people.
Day one is day one, day two is day two and day one million is day one million.
Unfortunately we will always be addicts but we can live sober, but not alone, we need each other xx
I won’t get mad at you if you promise not to get mad at me for driving drunk with my kid in the car…
We are addicts and when we are in active addiction nothing fucking matters but getting that next drink, drug or whatever it is that gets us high. Doesn’t matter how much I love my kid,and I would kill for her, addiction is stronger than that love. That was a damn hard truth for me to accept.
I will not judge you and I am pretty sure there are plenty of others here that will not either. Welcome to the forum, this is a great thread for you to commit to.
Big congratulations! Absolutely ditto to ur share.
Aw. Thanks so much. I don’t post often and it’s always nerve racking to know if what i said was okay. So thank you ! It means a lot.
As did your comments @beachmouse @Hopeful777 @Mephistopheles and @Dazercat @Its_me_Stella
Thank you !
Wooohoooo!
Welcome to the 200 club!!!
1123 days alcohol free
So many milestones! Huge congratulations on 600 @jjcarson92 and 400 @anon9289869 and 200 @Laraellelarissa and 8 months @Singtone. You are all inspirations!
Checking in sober waiting in the car to pick my son up. Today was great and I feel good, ready for a good night of sleep. No urges at all to drink today, thankfully. I had a good walk and a workout thus morning and wouldn’t have done that with a hangover. Hope everyone is feeling content and at peace. We can do another day!
I’m glad you were able to her that out. Like @Its_me_Stella said, we do some wild things when drunk. That isn’t us. My last bender I was taken to the hospital by ambulance. I was unconscious so don’t remember. But when I finally started to stop hallucinating I remembered my dog! I started freaking out and saying I had to go because my dog was at home alone. Totally panicking.
The only reason I knew that I had taken her out while blacked out is that they checked my fob usage. Luckily they called my daughter and she got my dog. I felt like shit. My dog will not go potty in the house under any circumstances. So I don’t even know how long she held it for.
Your dog has the garden, that’s honestly fine. As long as he goes potty and isn’t in pain. Don’t beat yourself up about that.
I did something when drunk once that I’ll probably take to the grave with me. It’s that bad and makes me sick to my stomach. It was so many years ago and I’ll never shake the shame and disgust from that one. You are not alone. You have an addiction and you’re a fighter. You are here. You are going to make it 
Checking in. I have been sober for 31 days. A whole month. This past week has been rough. It’s not like I’ve had unbearable cravings but I don’t like how I feel. Mornings seem fine then by evening I feel fatigued and down with a dash of irritability. Maybe that’s because my drinking typically occurred after 5pm. I hope this is a passing phase. ODAAT.
Hi all! Just felt like checking in tonight. Last drink was March 10. I read every post shared in this thread. Thanks so much for taking the time to post your updates. I’m lazy. Didn’t drink yesterday. Didn’t drink today. Probably not drinking tomorrow. Some days are a struggle. Thoughts are just that. Don’t give them more power than the fleeting creatures they are. Stay in the moment. Deal with tomorrow tomorrow. Love to you all!
@anon27760155 I’m glad you threw out the wine. This situation sounds really difficult and I’m sorry you have to deal with it. As for the swinging event, these are the choices we make. I know I won’t fault you for it, and you’re not hiding it, which is good. I believe you will succeed as long as you keep trying. We win some battles and we lose some, but this is better than losing the war.
@jjcarson92 Congratulations on your 600 days! Wow!
@CATMANCAM I’m really sorry about your friend. That must be really painful. Great job sticking to your plan though! It’s good that you’re keeping a weight record. Daily weighing can be detrimental for some, since the body’s water weight can fluctuate, but if you keep that in mind, and maybe have a day each week that “counts”, it can be a helpful tool. Good luck. I know you can do this!
@Tomek congratulations on your 300 days! Great bracelet!
@Englishd 1400 is amzing. Great job!
@M-be-free49 Naps can be a good thing if you don’t sleep for 2 hours. Sounds like you’re napping right! Also yes… Seasonal associations! Zucchini chocolate cake sounds amazing!
@Laraellelarissa 200 is great! Good job!
@complicatedmama That’s awesome! Congratulations! I hope you love your new house!!
@Bomdhil Welcome back and 60 days is awesome!
@Amisober Sometimes it’s have to remember what we really want in those moments of weakness. What is your plan for the next time this grips you so you can hold out until sanity returns?
I would suggest looking up Joe Dispenza’s work about changing the brain. It isn’t about addictions exactly, but rather that we are addicted to certain ways of thinking and being. I have his books on audio (except the first which he didn’t have recorded) and I would be willing to send you the file to the first book. If you want it, send me a PM.
Let me guess… Pisces?
We’ve all let things go by the wayside during our worst times. Your dog surely still loves you and no one here is going to judge you. Now, if you had a cat… Your cat would probably judge you. 
But in all seriousness, I believe this is one of the benefits you will get by engaging with the community on a regular basis. Here, you have people who will understand this part of you. You may have absolutely nothing in common with someone here, but you will both understand the grip of addiction and how it can ruin your life.
You are no a total loser; we’ve all been there in some form. I think this thought is a place for you to start. How do you talk to yourself in your mind? What kind of thoughts run through your head? What bubbles up on occasion that you push back down so you don’t have to think about it? This is a great place to begin because those thoughts do not go away.
Our thoughts eventually translate into how we feel and from there we will act out our thoughts and feelings. If you think bad things about yourself, you will inevitably feel along those same lines. Those thoughts you push below the surface of consciousness, they too translate into emotions and then we feel certain ways and we don’t know why we feel them, we just do.
How do you think those things come out in the real world? Especially those subconscious things–we act on them subconsciously and then think “that’s just who I am”. But it’s not. You are the grand architect of your own destiny, building it day by day. So today, you’ve unrolled the paper that you start formulating your new life on. Day 1 might be the most important day of all because that’s where you’ve decided to build something new.
I hope you will make full use of this message board so that eventually you will be able to see before you the life you mapped out from day one.
My dealer texted me this afternoon with a 
Special Discount for his dope. I kinda kept his message 5 minutes, because I think, my brain bugged due to excess dopamine…
but then, I deleted it and spent a great day and evening. I’m so worth it, and so are you 
Love this post!!!
Congrats Thomas.
Delete. Your. Dealers. Phone number. 
@Amisober
I’m confused. Or am I niave? I don’t understand why someone who really wants to get clean or sober would still have dealer contacts in their phone? Help me understand.
Nope, great question Eric.
HE contacted me, and of course all numbers were deleted a long time ago
